JJF vs An Empty Caribbean Point

If you were a miserable person, you’d hate John Florence right about now.

Seemingly every week, the 3x world champ Starlinks out a new dispatch from paradise. The plot goes as follows: John John is in a deep blue, beautiful part of one of the five oceans, and something on the gorgeous catamaran breaks down, which JJF looks like he enjoys fixing.

Then, he has a fresh caught poke lunch with his wife and little son, slips on some premium surf gear manufactured by a company that he owns a controlling stake in, and proceeds to surf one of the funnest waves you’ve ever seen with nobody else in frame.

This week on the my-life-sucks program, JJF and fam slip away to a more remote section of the Caribbean known as the Antillas Mayores. When he arrives, it looks flat. But, since nothing wrong can ever happen to this man, a wave that is a maddening cross between small Bluff and fun-sized Barra appears out of nowhere — right before John eats “seven pieces of cornbread” and gets barreled, does searing turns, lands full-rotes, and puts Clay Marzo out of his misery on the ender. All in eyeshot of his adoring wife and child, with no other signs of life in sight.

However, if you were a well-adjusted person, you’d be happy for John Florence. He’s built this Edenic niche brick by brick (and taken us along for the ride). Thanks for the weekly installment.