Covert Jr. Editor Virtually Slips Through The Heavily Guarded Gates Of Olympic Surfing

Now Unlocked: Chippa Wilson Stars In "Zipper"

652 Views
Photo by Sean Evans

Covert Jr. Editor Virtually Slips Through The Heavily Guarded Gates Of Olympic Surfing

Better watch now, this won’t stay up for very long.

news // Jul 28, 2021
Words by Jack Mutschler
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I’m a bit of a rascal.

I like mischief in all of its shapes and sizes, and I absolutely live for being a wise ass.

So, now that I’ve told you about myself, lets dig into my most recent ruse:

Last week I caught wind of a zoom conference open to the public ($30 a box), which promised a tour of the venue where surfing would make its Olympic debut.  The event had limited spots and was hosted by actions sports guy Chris Cote, plus an official ISA judge.  

My diabolical wheels began turning immediately, and my silly plan to purchase one ticket quickly evolved into a devious act of purchasing all nine that were left. I planned on giving these passes to some high-flying colleagues of mine, so we could invade the event and promote our own aerial agenda.

However, my air-tight blueprints fell apart rather quickly after I misread the email regarding the time change and mistakingly called off on my reinforcements. Receiving an alert just 30 minutes before the event, I scrambled to my mission solo. I assembled an arsenal of chaos, which oddly enough included a set of clapper hands, a recorder, and an electric razor. Also whiskey, there was a decent amount of that involved in this production.

To my hosts, Chris Cote and ISA judge Tory, you were both wonderful and definitely did not deserve the headache I may have caused. As for the others that purchased tickets to the event, I’m sorry for eating chips directly into the mic. Very not cool of me.

Also, Chris, I don’t expect you to refund the eight tickets that I didn’t get to use, but like, it would be super rad if you did. Look how tiny my apartment is; you’d be doing me a solid. And again, sorry.

Watch here before this inevitably gets taken down. Viva la mustard.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Erin Brooks And Mikey McDonagh Summit Freshly Spawned Mountain Of Challenger Series Rankings

Perfect 10s, phallic polyurethane, and numerous benthic vortexes marked the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro.

May 4, 2024

Paul Fisher Resurrects Iconic Dick Board, Inadvertently Saves The WSL

Surfing's gone soft? Take this blue pill.

May 3, 2024

2 Australian Surfers, 1 American Still Missing In Baja California, Mexico

Three suspects have been arrested, a truck was found burned, but the friends remain "missing".

May 2, 2024

Zipper Offcut: A Pacific Island Micro-Wedge

Chippa, Harry, Dion, a hazardous ramp, and a near fiberglass-vasectomy.

May 2, 2024

UNLOCKED: Chippa Wilson Stars In ‘Zipper’ — A Surf Film By Stab & Monster

Featuring Filipe Toledo, Harry Bryant, Bobby Martinez, Eithan Osborne, Taro Watanabe, and Dion Agius.

May 2, 2024

Is Nat Young’s 4.03 A Symbol Of Surf Judging Demise, Or A Harmless Scoring Aberration?

World champs, super coaches, WSL commentators and more sound off on the state of surf…

May 1, 2024

How Stretch And Nathan Fletcher SpaceX’d Surfboard Design Into The Future

“I brought the boards to Hawaii and everybody laughed at me. Everyone except Michael Ho…

Apr 30, 2024

Doug Silva Is The Skullet-Locked 12x World Party Champ Working Wonders For Seth Moniz’s Tour Trajectory

Here's how he uses EDM + storytelling to snap talent into 'infected alligators'.

Apr 30, 2024

Marti Paradisis On The New Shipsterns Safety Initiative + The Laziness Of Bandwagoning Swell Carnivals

Before calling Shipsterns Bluff and getting flexed, read this. 

Apr 28, 2024

Full Frame: A 15-Minute, One-Wave Pipe Session

"Oh shit, that was kind of nuts, I think I think I'm just gonna go…

Apr 27, 2024

Want Half-A-Brain? Keep Calling Helmets Lame

Kai Lenny surfs hideous Jaws + Mavs + Waimea, joins esteemed list of surfers to…

Apr 27, 2024

80 Men And 48 Women Enter The CS Gauntlet — Only 15 Will Survive

Your 2024 Challenger Series x Gold Coast Pro preview.

Apr 26, 2024

The Best Surfing I’ve Ever Seen: Nate Lawrence

Kolohe, Cola Bros, Luke Davis, Crane, and "the most magical 3 weeks ever had in…

Apr 25, 2024

Snapper To Return To The CT In 2025(!) + WSL Announces Season Wildcards

Next year is looking up. Here's what we know...

Apr 25, 2024

Kelly Slater Will Surf In Tahiti And Fiji CT Events — And He’s Bringing A Secret Weapon With Him

What's it like to coach an 11x champ? We asked Glenn "Micro" Hall.

Apr 24, 2024

Watch: A Masterclass In Belated Drops At The Teepee Capital Of The World

And the rest of the O’Neill team sticks the landing in Hawaii.

Apr 24, 2024

How Sophie McCulloch Broke Her Back At The Box Three Days After Being Cut From The CT

The untold brutal side story of finals day in WA.

Apr 24, 2024

The Cut Wasn’t The Surf Fans’ Idea — But It Might Be Our Fault

Psychoanalyzing surfing’s highly sadistic audience (us!).

Apr 23, 2024
Advertisement