The Popular Vote: The People's Stab In The Dark With Kolohe Andino Champion - Stab Mag

Coming In June: Stab High Japan, Presented By Monster Energy

24 Views
Stab in the Dark with Vlad The Impaler (1431). Photo: OpenAI

The Popular Vote: The People’s Stab In The Dark With Kolohe Andino Champion

Which board looked best — to you —under Kolohe’s talons?

features // Mar 22, 2024
Words by Christian Bowcutt
Reading Time: 2 minutes

2 weeks ago, a few quiet murmurs danced around the inside of the historic La Paloma Theatre in Encinitas. DHD was just announced as the winner of Stab in the Dark with Kolohe Andino, but damn, that T.Patterson looked real good under Kolohe’s nimble digits too.

And then Darren Handley himself “I actually thought that Timmy’s looked pretty good as well. I thought that it held a longer turn than mine, which was nice.”

To be fair, the DHD not only led our Instagram poll, but also our ping-pong-ball-in-a-vase vote during the premiere — there’s no denying the blade looked sharp.

But, in an effort to not tax (Stab Premium) without some fair representation, we wanted to have a little fun and give some voting power back to the People.

As you know, Stab in the Dark is decided by blind taste test — Kolohe had to decide which board won purely by how it felt. The first time he saw clips of himself surfing these boards was the same time all of you saw them. And, I sat right behind Kolohe during the La Paloma premiere and heard him mutter “The T. Patt looks good” to his wife so… yeah, there is some nuance to massage out here.

This isn’t the first time a surfer was pleasantly surprised by how good a board looked when they saw the clips. If you recall, both Jack Robinson (2022) and Taj Burrow (2021) thought that the runner-ups looked better than they felt.

Darren Handley (left) and Timmy Patterson (right) scoping out each other’s candidates at La Paloma. Photo: Colin Leibold

All this to say, while there’s no great Kate Middleton-esque conspiracy brewing, there is room for different opinions about which piece of fiberglass-coated foam looked sexiest under Kolohe Andino’s barking dogs.

So, we are hereby declaring a popular vote and we are asking one question: Which Stab in the Dark board should’ve won — in your opinion — based solely on how good it looked under Kolohe’s feet?

Click Here To Cast Your Popular Vote

&

Click Here To Watch The Finale Of Stab In The Dark with Kolohe Andino

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

How Can Surfers Stay Safe In Baja?

Dino Andino, Rusty Long, and Damien Fahrenfort offer their insight following the tragic murder of…

May 8, 2024

Why Does Gabriel Medina Keep Losing On Buzzer-Beaters?

We sat through every single heat from 2022 - 2024 to find out.

May 7, 2024

Stab High Japan, Presented By Monster Energy Is Coming This June!

It’s the world’s best flyboys and girls vs. PerfectSwell technology, broadcast live on Stab Premium.

May 7, 2024

(Surf) Respect: How Do You Get It?

The secrets to living a productive life and earning the admiration of your peers.

May 7, 2024

Stab Interview: Laura Enever On Her World Record Payday, Why Cloudbreak Bites Harder Than Shipsterns + The Terrors Of Live Commentary

"That sums up my career perfectly - got a 10, still lost the heat"

May 5, 2024

Full Frame: “Mullet Lord” Frolics In The Fruits Of His Realm

Beloved Aussie coffee shop owner colludes with lip to brew steamy concoction.

May 5, 2024

Erin Brooks And Mikey McDonagh Summit Freshly Spawned Mountain Of Challenger Series Rankings

Perfect 10s, phallic polyurethane, and numerous benthic vortexes marked the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro.

May 4, 2024

Paul Fisher Resurrects Iconic Dick Board, Inadvertently Saves The WSL

Surfing's gone soft? Take this blue pill.

May 3, 2024

2 Australian Surfers, 1 American Still Missing In Baja California, Mexico

Three suspects have been arrested, a truck was found burned, but the friends remain "missing".

May 2, 2024

Zipper Offcut: A Pacific Island Micro-Wedge

Chippa, Harry, Dion, a hazardous ramp, and a near fiberglass-vasectomy.

May 2, 2024

UNLOCKED: Chippa Wilson Stars In ‘Zipper’ — A Surf Film By Stab & Monster

Featuring Filipe Toledo, Harry Bryant, Bobby Martinez, Eithan Osborne, Taro Watanabe, and Dion Agius.

May 2, 2024

Is Nat Young’s 4.03 A Symbol Of Surf Judging Demise, Or A Harmless Scoring Aberration?

World champs, super coaches, WSL commentators and more sound off on the state of surf…

May 1, 2024

How Stretch And Nathan Fletcher SpaceX’d Surfboard Design Into The Future

“I brought the boards to Hawaii and everybody laughed at me. Everyone except Michael Ho…

Apr 30, 2024

Doug Silva Is The Skullet-Locked 12x World Party Champ Working Wonders For Seth Moniz’s Tour Trajectory

Here's how he uses EDM + storytelling to snap talent into 'infected alligators'.

Apr 30, 2024

Marti Paradisis On The New Shipsterns Safety Initiative + The Laziness Of Bandwagoning Swell Carnivals

Before calling Shipsterns Bluff and getting flexed, read this. 

Apr 28, 2024

Full Frame: A 15-Minute, One-Wave Pipe Session

"Oh shit, that was kind of nuts, I think I think I'm just gonna go…

Apr 27, 2024

Want Half-A-Brain? Keep Calling Helmets Lame

Kai Lenny surfs hideous Jaws + Mavs + Waimea, joins esteemed list of surfers to…

Apr 27, 2024

80 Men And 48 Women Enter The CS Gauntlet — Only 15 Will Survive

Your 2024 Challenger Series x Gold Coast Pro preview.

Apr 26, 2024
Advertisement