Bruce irons to straddle gold coast

Forever Young

Bruce Irons wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Grabs his glasses (the Bruce Irons Signature Series Hijinx), he’s out the door (of his beautiful Kauai home), he’s gonna hit the city (of Gold Coast, Australia). He will be there for the Quiksilver Pro (brushing his teeth with a bottle of Jack). He will be competing for the Kevlar surfboard trophy (cuz when he leaves for the night he ain’t comin back). And you thought he was retired?

“Pshhhhhaaaawwww. Retired? Fucking everybody thinks that I retired and quit the tour. Quit. Quit. Quitting. Quiiiittting. Fucking I didn’t quit anything. I stepped away because of fucking places like Bells. But Snapper has always been one of my favorite waves in the whole world. I was already going to go and check out the scene so it’s cool that I get to compete. I still love competition. I love the Gold Coast. It’s got that Oahu vibe…Hanging out with Parko and all the boys…I am psyching to hang with the boys, surf, have fun, go to the casino. Fucking I love going to the casino. Gambling is my kryptonite. Craps, man. Craps is my game. I’ll always give my wife my ATM card at the start of the night, and then in a few hours I’m like fuuuuuuuuuuck give it back to me! I’ll bet on anything. I don’t really watch sports but if I put a bet on a game I’ll be more into it than anyone in the room. Soccer? Fuck, I don’t care at all about it but if I bet on it then I’ll care like crazy.

I’ve been surfing so much here on Kauai and Oahu. I haven’t surfed this much in years. When I was on tour I felt I was surfing like a fucking robot. Now it is so fun again. I am psyching. I’m still way competitive, I just knew, to win the whole tour you have to be great at all those waves. Fuck. If I could write my own ticket? I’d surf Snapper, Chopes, Trestles and Pipe. Hahahaha but I’ll never get into Chopes because of Billabong hahahaahaha. J-Bay? World Cup? I’d go surf it and then bet on soccer. Fuck, once I was there like ten years ago and they had some world soccer thing. I was out at a bar and it was packed with Brazilians and French. The French won and the Brazilians were so fucking bummed. Like crying. Was I stoked at their misery? It was totally funny but I don’t give a shit about either country. Bells? It’s a fucking novelty wave that was ok back in the 70s on those shitty boards.”

Bruce Irons doesn’t stop. He makes it pop. He blows my speakers up (because he is awesomely opinionated and knows that nothing he says will haunt him). Tonight he’s gonna fight ‘til he sees the sunlight. Tick tock, on the clock. But the party won’t stop. No. Woah-oh-oh-oh (because Bruce Irons will be with us. Always and forever. World without end.) Amen. – Charlie Smith. 

* Footnote: Brother Andy is already on the GC in preparation for the first event. Frustrated with the lack of wave action on the GC, Mick Fanning and Jay “Bottle” Thompson are in West Oz chasing caves.

** And, a further footnote: There are two sets of trials for the Quiksilver Pro. There are 45 surfers with the ASP, along with three wildcards to make a 48-man draw. Andy Irons has one event wildcard for the entire year. In the Quik Pro, one of these wildcards goes to Julian Wilson, the other goes to the trials winner. Getting that single wildcard ain’t easy. This 16-man trials draw now features Bruce Irons, the best of Quiksilver’s international team (Clay Marz, Ry Craike, Jack Freestone) along with two local surfers who got through via the trials for the trials (this year it’s Samba Mann and Blake Ainsworth).

*** Finally, the banks at Snapper have been gross since a big swell killed it at the end of May. According to Quiksilver’s Troy Brooks, they’ve been meeting with the sand-pumping board and they’re readying to fire its pistons next week with the arrival of a big south-east swell. “The pumping facility actually needs a south swell to draw the sand and we’ve been in a northerly pattern for such a long time,” says Troy. “We’re still a long way out but it looks like we could have really good banks for the contest. We just need to swell to continue.”