(Serious) Question: What Kind Of Wax Do You Use?

Stab has the best journalistic integrity. Everybody knows that. Triple-checked facts, unbiased reporting — our reporting is the most unbiased — and floorless grammer are Stab‘s three Brand Pillars. Our integral tri-pod. Anyone who says otherwise is clearly fake news, and they should probably worry about fixing their own shithole website before criticizing ours.

Did I mention we have the best website?

But if there’s one thing that the great, very smart — no, genius — employees of Stab cannot agree upon, it’s the age-old question of What is the best surfboard wax?  

Our Editor in Capris, Alistair Beauregard, prefers stalagmites of Sex Wax against his woolly chest.  

Ever since his bomb trip to Hawaii, Marijuana Williams won’t get off the Da Hui gooey. 

For some odd reason, Brandon Buckley, Rory Parkour, Jaque Howard, Rick Snowman, and Jacob Baby-Slinger all sport that neon-green Sticky Bumps (and nose-mounted GoPros).  

Glam McIntosh doesn’t even use wax. Surfboards just gravitate toward him because he’s so handsome. 

Meanwhile I, as perhaps the biggest bandwagoner of the bunch (go Eagles!), am a sucker for the Fu. 

But if we are truly the World’s Best Surf Journalists (which, duh), it’s time for Stab to set its preconceptions aside and figure out the sticky truth of this wax situation.

Soon Stab will have enough wax to dive-bomb into its glory like a seafaring Scrooge McDuck!

Because as far as we can tell, no major surf publication has done a comprehensive wax test in the last… decade? Ever? (In fact, this is pretty much all we found.)

So Stab wants to go where no site has gone before and test all of the best waxes, in both warm and cold water, to determine their true efficacy.

At time of writing, we’ve contacted ~10 wax brands to partake in our examination. They include: Sex Wax, Sticky Bumps, Famous, Da Hui, Fu, Banana, Bubble Gum, Kassia, Surf Organic, and East Coast Surf Co. (Did you know Mrs. Palmer’s has no website, nor an easily locatable distribution center? They just sell straight to surf shops and Amazon. So core!)

Some of these brands haven’t gotten back to us, others are still in contemplation, and a few have already sent us overwhelmingly large boxes of white gold.

Stab‘s LA office is finally starting to smell less like hobo-feet and more like a surf shop. It’s fucking awesome. 

But the thing is, we need more wax. Not because we’re greedy—in fact, we’re gonna give (most of) it away when we’re done!—but because we want this wax test to cover the gamut of all surfboard adhesion players. 

So readers, before we embark on this investigative journey, tell us: What kind of wax do you use?*

If your preferred block isn’t already on our list, we’d be more than happy to include it. Also, by submitting your answer, you’re adding yourself to the lottery for Stab‘s Ultimate Wax Giveaway.

That’s right. One of you fuckers is gonna win a lifetime(ish) supply of wax at the end of this thing. Just promise that if you win, you won’t auction it off for cash under the guise of philanthropy, mkay?

*To be entered in our giveaway, please direct your responses to [email protected]h.com.