Stab Magazine | What's Your Excuse For Not Surfing Today?
373 Views

What’s Your Excuse For Not Surfing Today?

Introducing the rule of three. 

style // Aug 22, 2020
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

No time, bad waves, appalling weather. 

Ever heard of the rule of three? Folks say, in writing, laying things out as a trio somehow makes whatever it is you’re saying more satisfying to the reader. However, rule of three concepts exist in a variety of fields — from aviation to economics to hematology, which is the study and treatment of blood. 

Some people think that bad things come in three. I think that’s bullshit. 

And that’s not what we’re here to talk about. 

Back to the first line. No time, bad waves, appalling weather — these are three of the most common reasons (excuses?) not to surf. But there’s a way around them. You might call it the golden rule, or the rule of three. 

That is, three waves counts as a session. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/bjKzJIu56oU

Getting 8 barrels on one wave also constitutes a session. Any fewer and you have to paddle back out.

There are some circumstances which simply do not allow for surfing — the most obvious of which is living far away from the ocean. But, if you do live near the ocean, when there is a will, there is almost always a wave to find. And come on, you can find a spare twenty minutes. 

The rule of three has convinced me to ride clean ankle-high (yes, a thing) waves, 10-foot death bowls, and every hideous condition in between. It got me in the water on my wedding day. It showed me what sideways sleet feels like on one’s face. 

At the core of it is the idea that a session doesn’t require a large commitment of time and effort. It can be dirty and cheap. That idea can be the difference between surfing and not surfing. 

And surfing is always better than not surfing. Even for three waves — which, you’ll find, often turns into many more. 

Go on, see for yourself. 

ScaleWidthWyIxMjAwIl0 usharkcopy answer 1 xlarge

Husband Punches Great White After It Attacks Partner

Australia has seen five fatal attacks in 2020. While it’s hard to apply the term fortunate to any event involving a Great White biting a human, it is worth celebrating the fact that nobody died here. This was our most-clicked story of the week — because read the title — and I’m fairly surprised by the fact that nobody dropped an, “Oh, Mick’s girl surfs?” in the comments. 

Against All Odds, This Was Noa Deane’s Favorite Electric Acid Board

Some surfboard edits feature monotonous talk about double concaves and fin placement. Others feature chainsaws and outrageous quotes about surf wax. If you’re familiar with Peter Schroff, you already know which one you’re getting here. Come trip with us. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/WcfZb7ZBkMY

Why Is Kolohe Andino Throwing His Magic Boards In The Bin?

I used to say that I like surfing too much to ever listen to a podcast about it. I’m not sure what I meant by that, but I know that I meant it — meant, as in past tense. I’m into them now, long drives etc. If you prefer pragmatism over chain saws, give it a listen. Surfboards are a central theme.  

And, for those still confused by the title, I’ll provide a hint: It has something to do with water displacement. 

Want to become a ghost local? 

A ghost local is a long-term visitor of a location who learns their ropes well enough to know who the real locals are, which means they know who the real locals are not, which means in the absence of the real locals they exude a certain confidence in the water designed to deceive the uninitiated. You’ve likely been duped by one. And now, you can become one. Click above to apply. 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/9tNHLxYJVU8

Want to see something different? 

It’s cool when a surfer you’ve never heard of stops being a surfer you’ve never heard of. There is a high probability of that being the case if you watch this. It happened to me. Erwin Bliss, eh? He makes me want to do some shuv-its and shit. Some people will hate his surfing and, if you do, feel free to write me an email explaining why.

And now, a winning rant 

Last Fwd, I asked you to rant. And rant you did. My inbox saw a surge of missives about the state of surfing. Many were good — thanks to all who submitted — but this one from Frank stuck out. 

I especially enjoyed his example. While I have nothing against hatchbacks, it does appear as though the entire fucking hatchback industry came together one day and decided that poorly designed surfboards were the one and only thing that could possibly nudge consumers into purchasing such a practical motor vehicle. 

I think the closest I will ever get to feeling what cultural appropriation must be like, albeit on a very minor scale, is when I see ‘surfing’ used to advertise products because of it’s ‘cultural capital’. I don’t mean that Guinness advert, which was decent because it was respectful, but when you see someone holding a board without fins, and without wax, and standing in front of a completely flat ocean, and because it’s ‘surfing’ I should buy your fucking hatchback. That’s not surfing. I hate it. Shouldn’t be allowed. 

nissan kicks surf 3 1551335298

One last thing 

As I put the finishing touches on this, my hair was still wet for a quick three-wave session that accidentally lasted for forty minutes.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

12:31

You’re Gonna Click On A New Oscar Lungburne Video

Style that can't be denied.

Sep 29, 2022

Long Read: An Angel At My Table

From Stab Issue 15, October 2006: Chris Davidson has one more shot at the big…

Sep 28, 2022

5:07

Watch: Kalani David’s Last Dance

A final surf part from the Hawaiian surf/skate prodigy.

Sep 28, 2022

Taylor Steele Won’t Let Surf Filmmaking Die Without a Fight

Movies shown, filmmaking advice, punk rock at the 2022 Solento Surf Festival.

Sep 28, 2022

Wait, Are We Going To See Moana Jones In The Olympics At Teahupo’o?

Team USA (women) and Japan (men) should be able to choose anyone they want to…

Sep 27, 2022

Donald Brink and Matt Biolos Win Mick Fanning’s Electric Acid Surfboard Test

And we had a party in Oceanside to celebrate.

Sep 26, 2022

Kanoa Igarashi and Kirra Pinkerton Answer Call Of Duty, Win Medals Of Honor In 2022 ISA World Games

Teams Japan, USA, and France move into Victor’s Village.

Sep 26, 2022

The Best Euro Surf Trips That Mightn’t Be On Your Radar

Want to know which less-trodden nation offers the most potential?

Sep 26, 2022

Former CT Surfer Chris Davidson Passes Away At Age 45

A radical life tragically ends outside a bar in New South Wales.

Sep 25, 2022

Where You Should Be In Europe Right Now

An overview of the region's greatest hits.

Sep 25, 2022

The Team Ukraine Interview

“There are mines near the shore, and already a lot of people have died…so it’s…

Sep 24, 2022

Mormaii Founder Raided By Brazilian Feds On Suspicion Of Plotting Against Democracy

Curiously, he's the second surf brand founder to become entangled in a political scandal of…

Sep 24, 2022

The Electric Acid Surfboard Test With Mick Fanning, Episode 4

There are three boards left. Which one is Mick taking home?

Sep 23, 2022

Watch: Tresha

The Bella Kenworthy Edit.

Sep 22, 2022

Photos: Welcome To Vans Stab High Indonesia, Presented By Monster Energy

Welcome to Lakey Peak. Now do airs.

Sep 22, 2022

5:27

Taro Watanabe Is The Love Child Of Your Favorite 80’s Surfers

Watch his new edit 'Sonic Youth' now.

Sep 22, 2022

The Four-Finned, Carbon-Wrapped, Vacuum-Bagged Board That Won The 2022 World Title 

The minds behind Sharp Eye and Dark Arts break down Filipe's winning plank.

Sep 22, 2022

Selema Masekela Discusses The New Film “Sweet Adventure,” A New Love For El Salvador and His Not-So-New Music Career 

"It's literally the entirety of my life coming full circle in a way that I…

Sep 22, 2022
Advertisement