We Tested $10 Amazon Paddle Gloves, For Science - Stab Mag

We Tested $10 Amazon Paddle Gloves, For Science

No gloves, some love.

Words by The intern.

I was doing a little digging through those old SURFER Magazines I previously mentioned and was surprised to see a plethora of gloved surfers.

Multiple ads and photos of webbed pros at Pipe? I thought paddling gloves were reserved for dumb idiots. So I bought myself a pair and broke them down, one exposed fingertip at a time.

Do they work?

Obviously. Increased surface area = more forward propulsion. Not a hard concept. It felt weird to paddle with a wide-open hand versus a cupped hand, but I managed. As a scrawny 120lb bitch of a surfer, I don’t mind the extra boost while paddling. The one aspect that surprised me the most were the brakes on these bad boys. Holy heck, talk about burning speed. Whole different ball game when the webs come into play.

But if they work, why are they so uncommon in lineups today? 

Because they’re dorky. The best part about owning paddling gloves is the enhanced grip while driving your lifted golf cart to the beach. Surfing’s bully culture declared war with convenience and luxury many moons ago, and paddling gloves were voted out. The neoprene hand holsters are an international symbol for saying “I’m new here, I can’t paddle well, please burn me.” Luckily, I was able to avoid any heckling during my test runs in North Florida’s world-class beach break.

So they’re for kooks. Any exceptions?

Sure. Chippa, Craig, and the rest of the Drag lads wear speed mittens from time to time, but they’re world-class surfers. They wear them because it’s ironic. Or is it satire? Who cares, all I know is they don’t actually need any assistance speeding up or slowing down.

Ozzie Wright flaunted a pair of webs a few years back while shooting for Stab’s “Dual Dreams in the Desert” video. When a guy with that much talent and volatility is surfing, you don’t really question what he’s wearing. Unless it’s a tinfoil hat. In that case, it would be best to drop our alien seeking uncle Ozzy off at the psych ward.

Final Verdict

Paddling gloves ain’t as bad as the hardo power sarfers make them seem. Should you depend on them? Probably not. Should you keep a pair on standby? Most definitely. They provide a fun little twist for when surfing gets boring. And if some macho 40-year-old with barbwire tattoos decides to give you shit, just politely ask him to bend over and cough.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Watch Now: Flick Palmateer’s Nude Surf Film ‘Skin Deep’

"I don't care, this feels bloody great."

Mar 5, 2021

Breaking: Kelly Slater Will NOT Be Flying On the WSL’s Private Jet To Australia

Here's what we know.

Mar 5, 2021

Andy Irons and The Radicals, Chapter 2 of 4

Featuring famously tiny surfboards and the notorious Log Cabins house.

Mar 4, 2021

Haydenshapes Has a New Model, Micky Clarke Endorses It

"Functional, fast, and drivey with amazing release."

Mar 4, 2021

An Ideal Blend Of Surfing And Editing

Tomas Hermes found the magic ratio.

Mar 4, 2021

An Accomplished Surfer Whose Name You Might Not Know

Ryland Rubens is one of San Diego's most underrated surfers.

Mar 3, 2021

These Are Your Favorite Surf Movies Of All Time

We asked the internet about the films that rerouted the trajectories of their entire lives…

Mar 3, 2021

Watch: Sierra Kerr and Al Cleland Junior Just Won $1,000 for Lounging in Tubes

Thanks, Sun Bum.

Mar 3, 2021

Is This Eli Hanneman’s Best Edit Yet?

The 18-year-old is off the grom scale.

Mar 3, 2021

Watch: Beach Head’s New Audience-Titled Film, ‘Wax On, Wacks Off’

Featuring Ian Crane, Caroline Marks, Eithan Osborne, Yadin Nicol and Pat Gudauskas.

Mar 2, 2021

Who Gave 14-Year-Olds Permission To Throw Full Rotations?

Hughie Vaughan is out of his prepubescent mind.

Mar 2, 2021

Shane Sykes Escaped South Africa Just In Time

But not before positively scoring the joint.

Mar 2, 2021

The Undeniable Magnetism Of Craig Anderson

As explained by his longtime friend and photographer, John Respondek.

Mar 1, 2021

The Dark Hollow Collection Is Some of Globe and Dion Agius’ Best Design Work

If that doesn't float your boat, the rest of their Living Low Velocity range will.

Mar 1, 2021

Watch: A Creative Take On A Waco Film

Seager Co. with a delightful throwback to bit-style surf cinema.

Mar 1, 2021

The Flight Patterns Of Balinese Royalty

The Royal Beach Bum flies private.

Mar 1, 2021

Please Do Not Like Or Comment Below

Isn't that refreshing? Click or Miss Vol. 15

Mar 1, 2021

Three Boards That Saved My Hawaiian Season

The Ghost, Shadow, and Pyzalien 2 come to our rescue.

Feb 28, 2021