Should The WSL Host A Contest At Hollister Ranch?

On October 9th, California Governor Gavin Newsom signed Assembly Bill 1680 into law which mandates that poor people can surf Hollister Ranch now. 

It’s a hot topic in the surfing community. Many people think it’s a step forward, a symbol of equality, a celebration of freedom. And what better way to celebrate freedom than with speed, power, flow as well as progressive or innovative maneuvers in the critical part of the wave. 

That’s right: The WSL should host an event at Hollister Ranch. 

With surfing at a crossroads between wave pools and everything that actually matters, The Ranch provides a unique opportunity to bring professional surfing back to the California coast. An event here represents everything that California stands for: Gorgeous, wide-open land and a general willingness to cover it with either billion-dollar homes or poorly-built apartments. 

Logistically, the event here will require some infrastructure but nothing major — maybe just a parking structure for the fans. They could even keep the scaffolding there in order to minimize the environmental impact of building a new one every year. 

That said, not everyone is “on board” and ready to thrust upon waves of equality. Some people think that Bill 6980 is whoring out what is essentially the last stretch of pristine California coastline other than the hundreds of miles north that everyone ignores. However, I spoke with one local surfer who seemed enthusiastic. 

“I think it would be great to see a contest here at The Ranch. We’ve surfed these waves pretty much by ourselves for our entire lives, so it’d be cool to see what some of the best surfers in the world can do here.” 

A source close to the WSL even said it’s “very likely” that an event will be held there as early as 2022. Much to look forward to. Until then, onto the post-Quik Pro rankings. 

#69 The Brazilian Storm 

Only one surfer in the Quarterfinals? Damn. Last time somebody was gunning for world dominance around here, they learned a tough lesson when a certain group of people really stormed the beaches in 1944. We simply didn’t see that from the Brazilian contingent this event. 

#33 The WSL’s Art Director 

Congrats on smoking weed for the first time. 

#24 Caio Ibelli 

I think the WSL is trying to connect him to CJ Hobgood in some weird way as they keep putting asterisks next to all his results. 

#23 Joan Duru 

It’s sad that he went an entire event at home without ever getting the chance to punch himself in the face. 

#18 Leonardo Fioravanti 

Made a semifinal is his first event back from injury. And he’s now 3-0 against Kelly Slater. Pretty sure the only other person he’s undefeated against is Rosy Hodge in generic post-heat interviews.

#17 Ricardo Christie 

To quote Bruce Springsteen, “Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true or is it something worse?” Ricardo’s perfect season of 17ths ended in France with a 33rd. His chances for requalification don’t look splendid, so he might have to go back to being the 17th best surfer in the world in a place far away from Joe Turpel’s soothing yet somehow infuriating voice and constant reminders of Pottz’s World Title. A magical place called New Zealand. 

#15 John John Florence 

He never really found his form in France. I’d say that his performance was prosaic, but sadly it’s just what you come to expect from him these days. 

#12.23 Heat Total Jadson Andre 

In France, it’s imperative to be in tune with the elements and find a good rhythm. As one of the hardest workers on tour, he was literally trying to listen to the ocean and got hurt because of it.

#12 Seth Moniz 

Journalism Alert: With a 5th place or better in Portugal, he’ll officially have enough points to overtake John John and become the 2nd highest ranked USA competitor and qualify for the Olympics. John could come back for Pipe and try to change that. 

Glad that’s out of the way. Let’s go back to talking shit. 

#11 Kelly Slater 

As one of the best surfers in the history of Florida, it’s kind of surprising he didn’t capitalize on some of the trickier conditions earlier in the event. 

#10 Ryan Callinan, Marc Lacomare 

The first-ever shared Occy of the event award. I would throw Caroline Marks in here too but the problem with that is the only people who compare her to Occy have never seen Ry Craike’s backhand before. 

#9 Taj Burrow 

The France section starts around 5:49. Due to the poor resolution, it’s best to watch it in full screen — especially if you’re at your office and just need to take a little break. 

#7 Filipe Toledo 

He’s going to have to put some serious work into his backside if he wants any chance at winning this year. 

#5 Gabriel Medina 

Say what you will about him, but it’s clear that he’s a top-notch sportsman. It’s great to see him still giving it his all at these events even though Italo Ferreira will be remembered as the 2019 World Champion after he won the ISA Games in Beijing earlier this year. 

#3 Carissa Moore 

She’s not only one of the best surfers in surfing, but also one of the best criers in surfing which could turn out to be a huge problem if she and Jordy have to negotiate Red Bull contracts in the same year. 

#2 Griffin Colapinto 

#1 Jeremy Flores 

Jeremy proved that he is a true champion of the sport. Not only did he stand in all of the tubes, but he also revived the ancient tradition of celebrating a win instead of drinking some milk and going to bed at 8 PM. He may not have worn his jersey around for the next few days like Wilko after he won the Gold Coast, but it was still an incredible journey that should inspire all of us. 

Kelly Slater Playbook 

Audible: Allude to retirement for like a month. 

Mediation Of The Event 

Desire is the root of all evil. – Gautama Buddha

Word Of The Event

Prosaic (Adjective): Having or using the style or diction of prose as opposed to poetry; lacking imaginativeness or originality.

Conspiracy Theory 

The WQS is a Pyramid Scheme. 

Note: This edition of the SPF Rankings is in memory of Scott Goodwin. As the organizer and MC of most of the local surf events where I grew up, Goodwin introduced BDPS to what competitive surfing could be — by making it fun, and making fun of everything. Many Coors Lights were destroyed in his time behind the microphone, many were jokes told, many smiles had.