Stab Magazine | "The Idea Of Surfing As A Real Sport Is Kind Of A Joke"
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“The Idea Of Surfing As A Real Sport Is Kind Of A Joke”

Comments of the Week – Edition 125

style // Jul 21, 2018
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure it’s even edition 125, and by no means should this rightfully be titled ‘comments of the week’ anymore. Compiling these images in Photoshop is a fucking punish, plus iHusky dissapeared (seriously, where is he?) and now I have complete, yet time consuming autonomy. 

Gone are the days of the comments breaching triple digits, Caveira succumbed to our incessant IP blocking and verbal colonoscopies, and we’re scarcely left reading day long tirades between an exported paddling style and a fairly literate Brazilian anymore. 

Today, we have a depleted comment section caused by a strike on the vulgarity of my beloved anonymous pals from one of our own up above. 

Despite Disqus no longer having the same sting as it once did, bursts of wit still occasionally shine through: attire-directed attacks on our Editor In Chief, barely acceptable references to terrorist attacks, and semi-witty jabs at Dane’s slightly wider waistline.   

The below aren’t necessarily the best, nor even the funniest comments of the week*, but they’re the ones which made Morgan and myself breathe out of noses a little heavier than normal.

Have a dig. 

9 – Sub Zero Surfing, Hot Dogs And The Best Trip Of Asher Pacey’s Life

COTW Ash Iceland

I just went on Urban Dictionary, and unfortunately this isn’t the actual input, although props to Longneck for trying. Urban Dictionary is where I learnt most of sexual repertoire though – maybe that’s why my chicks so eggy all the time. 

Either way, I’m pretty sure the hot dogs Asher was referring to were the legitimate service station kind. 

8 – Watch Dane Reynolds In Copacetic

COTW Copacetic

Dane’s surfing in ‘Seen Unseen’, in my somewhat humble yet unimportant opinion, is the best surfing to ever grace a film. And his Marine Layer output through the millenium’s teenage years has yet to be surpassed, nor equalled. 

Dane’s latest edit, ‘Copacetic’, was received with mixed reviews; it’s definitely not his best output, but go and compare it to most other online releases this year – you won’t be finding many of Copacetic’s calibre.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say, is that I agree with Tabski. 

7 – There’s A 5-Star Resort At Skeleton Bay

COTW Skeleton Bay

Other than those who are paid to surf, the more money someone has lining their pockets – or the higher their credit card limit – the worse their actual surfing ability is.

So while a hotel upon the sand at Skeleton Bay might appear to be blowing out what’s labelled the world’s best wave, chances are those that are able to afford it, won’t be so accomplished when it comes to holding a line through a miniaturised, sand-bottomed Teahupoo.

6 – Jack Robinson Is The World’s Most Technical Tube Rider

COTW Jack Robbo

Well, Robbo can always hope for a Mikey Wright (semi) free pass onto the tour. Surely he’s capable of at least winning one QS… 

5 – Dane Reynolds Doesn’t Want Another Sponsor

COTW Dane xcel

Lucky we don’t require Disqus commenters to display photos of themselves, or transition over to facebook comments…yet. 

4 – Soccer Proves Brazil Won’t Win The World Title This Year

COTW SPF

Surfing’s a hobby that some get paid to do, and for those of us who suck at it and scraped through graduation, there’s always ‘surf journalism’. 

3 – 20 Minutes Of Your Time To Maybe Win A Surfboard

COTW Greenroom Times

Seriously though, out of all the people who need a free surfboard, it’s probably people who don’t surf. And out of the people who don’t surf, the people most needing of a surfboard are the large proportion of WSL staff who don’t surf, or at the very least are unsure of which way their FCS fins plug in.

Unfortunately the boards we’re giving away aren’t wavestorms, Nick Woodman already has them all. 

2 – Your Eco Friendly Asian Import Is A Lie

COTW Ears Nemman

“I ‘d feel like such a dickhead wearing my beanie any other way, I’d just feel like I’m a thug, ” Ashton told me after showing him my half-assed selects.

Yes, his ears do get cold, but he’s also from Florida, and I’m pretty sure people over there aren’t quite right.  

1 – Two Consecutive Shark Attacks In New York

COTW Shark NYC

How many years do you have to wait before joking about stuff like this? 

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