Stab Magazine | The 2017 Annual Kookslams Awards
357 Views

The 2017 Annual Kookslams Awards

The kind of trophy you don’t want on your mantelpiece.

style // Jan 3, 2018
Words by Stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

It was a little under a year ago now that we made a conscious decision to dismount from the @kookslams bandwagon. That didn’t mean that we hit block and avoided the explore page on Instagram. No, we decided that we’d stick to doing what we do best on the world’s most vain application and leave the rock stumbling, the flailing beginner fails, flowrider falls and assorted ridiculous behaviour sharing to those that do it best. With 900k sets of eyes hanging on every post, the mysterious account (we haven’t had a name revealed to us yet), continues to dominate the wipeout world of social media.

Last year we revealed the winners of our very first Kookslams awards, a chance to celebrate human failure through a different lens. Now, it’s back and just as thrilling. So without further ado, here are the Kookslams Awards of 2017, all hail the low brow genius behind your favourite Instagram account – second to @stab, of course.

Best Lead Actor/Actress

The lead actor or actress must have an innate ability to entertain. With or without alcohol flowing through his veins, this young gent’s regime has our heads spinning. Guess this is how people die?

Best Rock Performance

Extra points awarded here for not succumbing to peer pressure in his pursuit of kookslams stardom, instead clinging onto his pal and hoping for a miracle.

Best Score

What a song, what a kicker! Thoughts and prayers go to the family and friends of our frog-legged boogey friend.

Best Supporting Actor/Actress

The award in this instance goes to our friend in the rash vest, for his patience, his ability to ‘get on with the job’ and for his spectacular undoing.

Best Costume Design

Not sure if Halloween, or a Sunday morning down at the local? Either way, the sun ain’t messin’ with this responsible fellow.

Best Stuntwork

The stunt biz is a dangerous game to play. Whether you’re zen AF or just another Instagram poser, you’ll get yours.

Best New Talent

The Scorpion-to-esophagus-exfoliation is one hell of a way to win a kookslams award. Bravo to you, young grasshopper. We wish you a long life, filled with tiny granules of shell, rock and assorted calcium carbonates.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Can Anyone Beat Robbo?

The Spartan plays footsies, wildcards go switch & the broadcast sentences us to HOLD limbo…

Aug 18, 2022

The Post-COVID Surf Tourism Boom In The Mentawais

Three business owners detail pandemic struggles and what it's like to be back in full…

Aug 18, 2022

“Airlines Hate Me:” Bad Boy RyRy’s Guide To Surf Travel

Want to get pampered at the pointy end of the plane for free?

Aug 17, 2022

Yes And Welcome Back: The First Day Of Female CT Competition At Teahupo’o Since Melanie Redman-Carr Was Taking Scalps In ’06

Carissa Moore is now two heats away from her 6th World Title, btw.

Aug 17, 2022

7:11

What Happens When You Borrow A Pro’s Board?

Joyride: The Shrizz from PANDA surfboards.

Aug 16, 2022

2:17

Mick Fanning Samples California’s Finest Local Produce

Mayhem at Lowers.

Aug 16, 2022

Mountains Died So You Could Surf

The value of sand.

Aug 15, 2022

9:12

UPDATE: People Are Still Surfing ‘La Jetee’ in Reunion Island

Returning to the best & sharkiest air wave in the world, as seen in Mod…

Aug 14, 2022

These Are Your Favorite (Female) Surfers

What the Stab reader survey teaches us about taste.

Aug 14, 2022

2:14

Kelly and Local Gal to Win Teahupo’o?

Local insights and a firing forecast.

Aug 13, 2022

These Are Your Favorite (Male) Surfers

Insights from the 2022 Stab Reader survey.

Aug 13, 2022

16:04

Fear And Loathing in Mainland Mex

Parker Coffin, Harry Roach, and the Roark crew embark on an authentic Oaxacan (surf) trip.

Aug 13, 2022

Tahiti Preview: The End Of The Road For 72% Of The CT

And hello there, blob of swell.

Aug 12, 2022

3:24

While Everyone Flocked To Tahiti, Kelly Stayed in Jbay

...And proceeded to rip the hell out of it on a "borrowed" 5-finned Tomo.

Aug 11, 2022

1:38

Can A GQ Cover Boy Take Out Teahupo’o?

Kauli Vaast is your incredibly handsome Tahiti trials winner.

Aug 11, 2022

Watch: Ramble On With Caity Simmers 

An action-rich tour behind the scenes of her triumphant first voyage to Oz.

Aug 11, 2022

PSA: Surf Filmers Not Welcome In Nicaragua

Cameras and drones are being seized on arrival, Stab spoke with two recent visitors.

Aug 11, 2022

Inside The Alternative Surfboard Marketing Machine 

Two of the biz's best — Matt Parker and Blake Peters — spill many beans.

Aug 10, 2022
Advertisement