Surfing Needs An Anti-Hero - Stab Mag
406 Views

Surfing Needs An Anti-Hero

And sorry, but it ain’t Medina.

style // Dec 11, 2020
Words by The intern.
Reading Time: 2 minutes

I have a demand. More of a request. Professional surfing needs an asshole. Well, doesn’t exactly need it, but it would be entertaining. Basketball had Michael Jordan. Football had Deion Sanders. Boxing had Mike Tyson. Natural shit talkers, with the talent to pull it off. A winner so confident in his ability, press conferences are used to remind competitors of his alpha-male status.

You know what the last World Champion surfer did when he won? He bawled his eyes out. In the water, on the beach, on the podium. Fuck he cried so much I started crying. Tearing up in front of my MacBook, praying nobody in the library saw me. Italo Ferreira is a class act and he deserved every bit of that trophy. He might actually be the nicest guy in the world too, didn’t even act that weird when I asked him to sign my life jacket. 

The intern didn’t even share his pb&j with the Champ.

Yes, good role models and positive attitudes are needed, but the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Who’s the bad guy on the WSL? The Connor McGregor of the sea. You know, the kinda fella to chirp about competitor’s girlfriends in the lineup. Same dude who flips the bird at the judges and has a corny signature claim. Most likely promotes a poor tasting overly priced alcohol with his free time. 

Sure we can sit around a campfire and take turns sharing our tales of resentment for Medina, but he’s not exactly the villain I had in mind. I want middle fingers, not temper tantrums and tears. I want a bad motherfucker, one who is so sure of victory, he plans on using his prize money to pay off the inevitable WSL fines. The kind of toxic attitude that starts a frenzy in the comments section of social media.

The appeal of the “shit-talking athlete” doesn’t solely rely on trash talk. It needs legitimacy. It needs scores to back up the banter. Words without performance are like tits on a bull: useless. The last thing we need is constant chatter from a guy who has never seen the top of the podium. 

I’m not saying everyone should turn into an arrogant egomaniac, but fuck, can we get some flavor? Just one person, literally anyone who doesn’t struggle to qualify. Throw off the status quo of this family-friendly operation. STIR THE POT.

PS. I volunteer Mikey Wright. Between the unapologetic surfing, overtly sexual IG captions, and the world’s most intimidating mullet, Mr. Wright is a perfect candidate for the WSL’s anti-hero.

Screen Shot 2020 09 27 at 11.34.47 AM

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Former CT Surfer Chris Davidson Passes Away At Age 45

A radical life tragically ends outside a bar in New South Wales.

Sep 25, 2022

Where You Should Be In Europe Right Now

An overview of the region's greatest hits.

Sep 25, 2022

The Team Ukraine Interview

“There are mines near the shore, and already a lot of people have died…so it’s…

Sep 24, 2022

Mormaii Founder Raided By Brazilian Feds On Suspicion Of Plotting Against Democracy

Curiously, he's the second surf brand founder to become entangled in a political scandal of…

Sep 24, 2022

The Electric Acid Surfboard Test With Mick Fanning, Episode 4

There are three boards left. Which one is Mick taking home?

Sep 23, 2022

Watch: Tresha

The Bella Kenworthy Edit.

Sep 22, 2022

Photos: Welcome To Vans Stab High Indonesia, Presented By Monster Energy

Welcome to Lakey Peak. Now do airs.

Sep 22, 2022

5:27

Taro Watanabe Is The Love Child Of Your Favorite 80’s Surfers

Watch his new edit 'Sonic Youth' now.

Sep 22, 2022

The Four-Finned, Carbon-Wrapped, Vacuum-Bagged Board That Won The 2022 World Title 

The minds behind Sharp Eye and Dark Arts break down Filipe's winning plank.

Sep 22, 2022

Selema Masekela Discusses The New Film “Sweet Adventure,” A New Love For El Salvador and His Not-So-New Music Career 

"It's literally the entirety of my life coming full circle in a way that I…

Sep 22, 2022

Does The 1-to-6 Foot Surfboard Exist?

Pushing the Channel Islands NeckBeard 3 to its absolute limits in a new Joyride review.

Sep 21, 2022

9:18

Life Comes At You Fast — So Does This Hectic Indo Clip

Finn McGill and a full-speed stint in Southeast Asia

Sep 21, 2022

Interview: Afghanistan Surf Champion Afridun Amu

From refugee to constitutional lawyer to university lecturer to Afghan surfing icon.

Sep 20, 2022

15:24

Bong Make ‘Another Good Call’ By Poaching Stab Cinematographer For West Oz Clip

Shut up, is that Occy doing punts?!

Sep 20, 2022

Exactly Where, When, And How Stephanie Gilmore Won Her 8 World Titles

Steph has won 341 heats in her 15 years on the CT — let's revisit…

Sep 20, 2022

Footage Of “The Best Wavepool In The World” Leaks From Brazil

A private pool in the heart of São Paulo, brought to you by Perfect Swell.

Sep 20, 2022

WSL Unveils 2023 CT Schedule

Swapping G-Land for Surf Ranch is … something.

Sep 19, 2022

10 Things I’ve Learned, With Michael February

Pearls of Wisdom from Surfing's Most Sage Millennial

Sep 19, 2022
Advertisement