Tow is Gay

Tow surfing is gayer than inline skating. It is gayer than wakeboarding. Gayer even than Climate Change.

I may be a lot of things, but what I am above all is a gay caballero of the surf. Equal parts laziness and cowardice mixed with minimal skill. And what a gay cab adores is the kiss of speed from a jetski. Scared of big waves? Can’t generate enough momentum to clear a lip? Hate paddling? These are issues that do not affect the gay caballero.
But maybe someone can answer this, cause I must’ve blinked or been overseas: when did the entire sport of surfing turn into a homo-tow rainbow? In just one surf magazine I counted 40 pages of tow shots (including the cover and ads), a fruity conga line of awkward-looking men in life vests and B-grade surfers getting higher than Dane or Andy. To use a skate analogy, it’s like rollerbladers have suddenly taken over the skate mags – strapped no-talents screeching…weeeeee!…I’m getting higher than you…weeeeeee!… I never lose my equipment… weeeeeeee! Tow surfing is gayer than inline skating. It is gayer than wakeboarding. Gayer even than Climate Change.

“When did the entire sport of surfing turn into a homo-tow rainbow? In just one surf magazine I counted 40 pages of tow shots (including the cover and ads), a fruity conga line of awkward-looking men in life vests and B-grade surfers getting higher than Dane or Andy. To use a skate analogy, it’s like rollerbladers have suddenly taken over the skate mags – strapped no-talents screeching…weeeeee!…I’m getting higher than you…weeeeeee!… I never lose my equipment… weeeeeeee!”