“French Trophy Maker Skips The Middle Man And Asks Medina What He Wants His First Place Trophy To Look Like”

This week in the Greenroom we saw the tour return to the land of the saggy ballbag as the waiting period for the Quiksilver Pro France begun with a forecast as attractive as the saggy La Graviere shoreline.

The WSL, who can’t do anything wrong, dropped their mobile surf game to disapproving reviews from some sections of the surf community [Editor’s Note: We loved it!] and Kelly shuts down the haters once and for all, providing the proof we all needed in the tale of the GOAT with the busted hoof.

Hossegor-France: He’s no rookie on the tour, this is the 5th time he has done the European leg, plus that year groveling through the QS, but still, every time he steps on the sand at Les Culs Nuls he can’t believe the amount of saggy leathered ball bags that are strutting up and down the sand, just metres from the 3 foot left rip bowl.

“Putting on your leg rope can be a daunting affair, it puts your eyes right at scrotum level”.

The WSL released it’s mobile surf game “True Surf” to the sound of ‘boos’ coming from iPhones all across Brazil as the in game wildcard was given to the 11th placed, Mikey Wright. One fan called the WSL the “World Shame League” with another asking why he can’t play as Deivid Silva. 

“Bonjour Gabriel it’s is me, Pierre. How do you want le trophy to look this year? Just don’t run over Keanu in the final again and the trophy’s all yours oui?”

The CDC has today confirmed that the brain eating amoeba, which tragically killed a New Jersey man who had recently surfed in the BSR Wave Pool in Waco Texas, has been found in the comments section of Stab. There has long been questions raised over the sanitary conditions and filtration of the comments section, as well as the presence of actual brains.

The comments section has been closed while investigations are ongoing. 

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