Dane and John John: Hunger Is The Best Sauce

“Hunger is the best sauce in the world,” the old line from Don Quixote goes, stating a fact as old as time and one Cervantes’ beloved foolhardy hero knew well.

If there were ever a gorgeously illustrative case study of Stab’s readership’s appetite and their palate’s preferences, the site’s back-end numbers paint a very clear picture this week: all hail John John Florence and Dane Reynolds.

Like the Stab Reader’s Poll, it should come as no surprise that John John Florence’s “Space,” and Dane Reynold’s “Greatest Hits,” topped the Stab charts last week, with both garnering nearly three-times the eyeballs of the next most click-able features from two surfers we’ve been starved of as of late.

Following quickly on the heels of the first fresh batch of clips in almost a year, Dane Reynolds’ three-year retrospective brought the site to its knees, Slayer’s “Divine Intervention” blasting into reader’s eardrums on four continents, and silencing the vocal minority who were underwhelmed by “Copacetic.”

Then, “Space.” When Hurley came to us with their roll-out plans for John’s new clip—to tease the clip the day prior, then release via Facebook for one hour only, before it disappeared into, well, space—we had our doubts about how thrilled readers would be, given the uproar over the WSL’s recent move to your parent’s and estranged ex’s favorite social media platform.

Alas, Wednesday at 3pm the surf world came to a standstill, “space” streaming smoothly on Facebook and megachurch madman Bishop TD Jakes* aggressively preaching of new perspectives*, new starts, “a new mind,” as John John appeared suddenly from behind more than a foamball and commenced some of the most next-level shit we’ve seen from the sidelined Hawaiian since A View From A Blue Moon, the clip comprising stashed clips from before his fateful fall in Bali earlier this summer. While the whole film was supposed to disappear immediately, it seems that garnering a Vimeo Staff Pick was enough to keep it around for posterity. 

 “That’s the best 6-minutes of surfing I’ve seen in my life,” Taj Burrow claimed.

Stab Disqus’ favorite Beverly Hills Cop, Axel Foley, chimed in with what many had to be thinking: “Fuck all the posers and haters. Like AI, JJF is the real deal. He should not even come back to this ballet bullshit WSL. His craft speaks for himself, no social media needed to buff up. All he has to do is surf, watch his bank account pile up, and drop a movie every other year, to remind everybody that he is light years ahead. He is too good for surfing comp crap.”

Speaking of “surfing comp crap,” we’re heavy into it here at Stab HQ, with Stab High just six days away, and surfers flying in from surfing’s four corners, wildcard comps being decided, and our soon-to-be announced commentating team and judges familiarizing themselves with the event’s format and scoring criteria, brushing up on trick names for fear of public embarrassment from Rotation and Grab Police the world over.

As Sam McIntosh iterated early last week with his Waco Manifesto, Stab High is the biggest swing Stab’s ever taken, a labor of love for all of us who believe that watching 20 of the best surfers in the world huck airs off the same ramp can and will thrill. Since announcing the event a month ago, we’ve gotten a most radical response, with surfers begging to get in, Insta-famous personalities showing up at our doorsteps in Sydney and Los Angeles for a chance to get in on the action, a Wildcard being decided by one of the busiest online voting comps we’ve ever run, and more than a few surfers returning our calls to find out just where, exactly, is Waco?

The $9 early bird special ain’t a tall order, and we hope you’ll get behind us on this, as hundreds have already. If not, we’re sure the highlight reel will wet your cheap lips. To rip Cervantes again, the proof of the pudding is in the eating. 

No sleep ’til Texas, mongrels. See you Saturday.

-AG

*We want to believe that Dane and Mini got an early look at “Space” while they were putting the last touches on the Greatest Hits… 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2S7p5Zn77A

heard the heavy handed evangelizing and thought, Jesus H. Christ: