Comments Of The Week, Edition 71

How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened early in the morning by an alarm clock, dress, force-feed, piss, brush teeth, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially he makes lots of money for somebody else and is asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? Bother if we know. At least we have you, the ambrosial reader, to sing praises to our labours. Here’s what got us leaping out of bed for another week.

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07. Here’s What Dane Reynolds New Board Sticker Looks Like

“Man I wonder what the negotiations were like signing dane to his own damn company…” — Limbless Jack

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06. Building Ramps Out Of (Mostly) Closeouts With Filipe Toledo

“Cool story brah. Do you guys think he narrates everything in his life ? “Today I’m gonna take a dump. The bathroom is right down the hallway, and there is toilet paper. I checked. Here I go” …. camera follows him, cuts real quick to a random flock of bird at the beach, and comes back to Felipe as he sits down to crap.” — Axel Foley

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05. Picking Up The Small Day Scraps

“A good surfer can rip the bag out of anything: knee high, waist high; chest high…whatever regardless of how much or how little foam is under their feet. You wanna surf better? Get the fuck up off the couch put down the beer and chips and go for a run once in a while. Get fit. Stay fit or start surfing one of these hideous monstrosities and be one step closer to a long board, elasticated waist pants and a lifetime of regret, self loathing and possibly type 2 diabetes.” — Ando’s Back Knee

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04. Executive Orders We Can Believe In

“Personally I can’t wait for the ADS documentary to come out.” — Striders Top Button

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03. Surfing In Trunks Is One Of Life’s Greatest Joys

“’Happy. Just in my swim shorts, barefooted, wild-haired — that’s the way to live.’ 

Or in my case in front of the pc, can of coke and two volumes of corporate law to analyse by tomorrow. Why I why can’t I just sponge of my rich mother??????” — RayDiZZLE

“Better than my life.. i’m staring into the mirror with self loathing and disgust, I have 2 lines of coke, i’m reading about law for my upcoming trial and I have to sponge bath my poor crack whore mother…” — TH > RayDiZZLE

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02. Why Mex Points Are Good For Air Practice, With Noa Deane

“Very disappointing. He didn’t flip off the camera. This is a Noa Deane imposter.” — Balderdash Ballyhoo

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01. 13 Sharks Spotted Close To North Coast Beaches In 24 Hours

“In other news, more stars are in the sky tonight.””””’Edit””””The stars are safe, until the Aussies find a way to drum/net them. (falling star syndrome)” — ValiantScorn