Stab Magazine | Comments Of The Week, Edition 71

Comments Of The Week, Edition 71

Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.

style // Feb 3, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

How in the hell could a man enjoy being awakened early in the morning by an alarm clock, dress, force-feed, piss, brush teeth, and fight traffic to get to a place where essentially he makes lots of money for somebody else and is asked to be grateful for the opportunity to do so? Bother if we know. At least we have you, the ambrosial reader, to sing praises to our labours. Here’s what got us leaping out of bed for another week.




07. Here’s What Dane Reynolds New Board Sticker Looks Like

“Man I wonder what the negotiations were like signing dane to his own damn company…” — Limbless Jack



06. Building Ramps Out Of (Mostly) Closeouts With Filipe Toledo

“Cool story brah. Do you guys think he narrates everything in his life ? “Today I’m gonna take a dump. The bathroom is right down the hallway, and there is toilet paper. I checked. Here I go” …. camera follows him, cuts real quick to a random flock of bird at the beach, and comes back to Felipe as he sits down to crap.” — Axel Foley



05. Picking Up The Small Day Scraps

“A good surfer can rip the bag out of anything: knee high, waist high; chest high…whatever regardless of how much or how little foam is under their feet. You wanna surf better? Get the fuck up off the couch put down the beer and chips and go for a run once in a while. Get fit. Stay fit or start surfing one of these hideous monstrosities and be one step closer to a long board, elasticated waist pants and a lifetime of regret, self loathing and possibly type 2 diabetes.” — Ando’s Back Knee



04. Executive Orders We Can Believe In

“Personally I can’t wait for the ADS documentary to come out.” — Striders Top Button



03. Surfing In Trunks Is One Of Life’s Greatest Joys

“’Happy. Just in my swim shorts, barefooted, wild-haired — that’s the way to live.’ 

Or in my case in front of the pc, can of coke and two volumes of corporate law to analyse by tomorrow. Why I why can’t I just sponge of my rich mother??????” — RayDiZZLE

“Better than my life.. i’m staring into the mirror with self loathing and disgust, I have 2 lines of coke, i’m reading about law for my upcoming trial and I have to sponge bath my poor crack whore mother…” — TH > RayDiZZLE



02. Why Mex Points Are Good For Air Practice, With Noa Deane

“Very disappointing. He didn’t flip off the camera. This is a Noa Deane imposter.” — Balderdash Ballyhoo



01. 13 Sharks Spotted Close To North Coast Beaches In 24 Hours

“In other news, more stars are in the sky tonight.””””’Edit””””The stars are safe, until the Aussies find a way to drum/net them. (falling star syndrome)” — ValiantScorn


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent


More Dane Reynolds Than You Can Stomach In One Serving

Chapter 11 TV is everything surf media needs.

Feb 6, 2023

Kanoa Igarashi On Concussions, Goose Chases, Title Visions, The Three Types Of Surfers CT’ers Encounter In The Water, And More

A candid and wide-ranging conversation with 2022 World #5.

Feb 5, 2023

Can Small-Scale Investors Buy Into Wave Pools?

Say you got $10k and a dream — what can you do?

Feb 4, 2023

An Early Pipeline Exit For Stephanie Gilmore Amidst GenZ Glory

Day Two of the 2023 CT season was a clear notice that the kids are…

Feb 3, 2023

Hand-Shaping, Glassing, And Finishing ’70s-Inspired Displacement Hulls Will Not Make You Rich

Profile: Tristan Mausse of Fantastic Acid is in it for all the right reasons.

Feb 3, 2023

Hassling, Head-Dips, and Broken Apple Watches

The 2023 CT is underway. Here's what happened on Day One of the Billabong Pro…

Feb 2, 2023

Stephanie Gilmore And Filipe Toledo Are The 2022 Stab Surfers Of The Year 

Caity and Hughie take Best Juniors, “NOZ VID” wins best film, and Ho and Pringle…

Feb 2, 2023

Stab Surfer of the Year: The Stab Premium Vote

Day Ten: You voted, we counted.

Feb 1, 2023

Red Bulls, Crypto Bears, Former’s Six-Figure Fish, Tyler’s Multi-Millions And More

A brief catalog of the latest surf industry news and whispers.

Jan 31, 2023


“Definitely The First Time I’ve Gone Surfing Via Plane”

Parker Coffin, Harrison Roach, and friends tear through NZ on Roark's most well-rounded surf trip…

Jan 30, 2023

Pipe Preview: This Year Feels Different

With John and Gabs healthy — and the arrival of the femme next-gen — here’s…

Jan 29, 2023

WSL Tells Competitors: ‘You Better Like Them Apples’

Will mandating competitors to wear Apple Watches make the 2023 tour more or less engaging?

Jan 29, 2023

Stab Surfer of the Year: John John Florence, Italo Ferreira, Balaram Stack, Rolo Montes, and Shaun Manners

Day 9: "You can't do better than his year last year." - John John Florence

Jan 28, 2023

Full Moon Surfs, Impassable Puddles, And A Few Nights Spent Sleeping In A WSL Commentary Booth

A reader-submitted collection of nonconformist surf stories.

Jan 27, 2023

Kael Walsh Now Owns A Bitcoin, And Watched One Crypto Video

He’s officially your Stab Edit Of The Year champion.

Jan 27, 2023

Carissa Moore And Finn McGill Are Your 2023 Vans Triple Crown Of Surfing Champions 

They both pocket $50k and tickets to this year’s Vans Pipe Masters.

Jan 27, 2023


The Pick-Up, Presented By Vans, Episode 5

Mason Ho helps us ring in our final week on the North Shore.

Jan 27, 2023

Goofyfoot Brazilian World Champion Stars In Stab’s Biggest Board-Testing Franchise

Can you guess who?

Jan 26, 2023