Stab Magazine | Comments Of The Week, Edition 56
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Comments Of The Week, Edition 56

A collection of triumphant whispers and shouts from the Stab soapbox.

style // May 30, 2016
Words by stab
Reading Time: 4 minutes

1500 1000 10

WSL Commish, Kieren Perrow’s Take On Kelly Slater’s Wavepool

10. “At least we’ll get North Shore 2 out of this. Mick Vain travels from the North Shore to Arizona with dreams of competing on the wave pool world tour only to be humbled and outcast by the celebrity mainland surfer gang “The Landlockers”. With the help of a hot trailer park girl, he eventually wins their respect and chlorinated glory but decides to head back to the University of Hawaii for business school.”

– danesblub, scriptwriting. (10 upvotes)

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1500 1000 09

The Stab Caddy: Kolohe Andino’s Carbon Wrap Baby Buggy

“I’ve got a pretty good idea. Why don’t we start making boards out of the shit that cheezles are made out of? It’s kind of like foam, but it’s good for both the environment and the cheezle industry.”

– wripples, the entrepreneur. (6 upvotes)

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1500 1000 08

Under A Dreamy Blue Curtain With Ryan Burch At Cloudbreak On Tuesday

Michael Newman: “Cloudbreak without Owen will be like Point Break without any discernible storyline.” (8 upvotes) 

iHusky: “So Point Break 2?” (9 upvotes)

– Two of Stab’s finest, twice as good.

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The Green Room Comment

Will Adding Surfing To The Olympics Have The Same Result As Snowboarding?

“There is a fundamental problem with surf sports and their associated ‘businesses’ or associations that has plagued the industry since inception, and that is the wrong people in the wrong positions.

The inclination of ‘nice guy’ surf brands for many a blue moon has been to place their once high and mighty surf stars into cushy jobs upon retirement. The experiment arguably works in some instances (KP), but has failed in others and is an unaffordable expense in business.

Say surfing appears at Tokyo in 2020 (it will) and captures the attention of the world (it will), will there actually be a brand that WE, the undying shit-throwing mega fans of the sport identify with that will capitalise? I’d argue not.

Cash might flow hard and fast as a result of KSWP changing the sport forever (and they have), but I doubt there will be any grass roots business smart enough to manage that cash effectively and wrangle a brand into sustainability.”

iHusky, as articulate as ever. (4 upvotes, but deserving of far more)

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1500 1000 06

Will Adding Surfing To The Olympics Have The Same Result As Snowboarding?

“The surf industry trying to save itself via the Olympics seems kinda like an out-of-shape 30 something caught in a rip, trying to save himself by grabbing hold of a drowning 60 year-old.”

Michael Newman, simile king. (6 upvotes)

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1500 1000 05

Watch A TV Host Surf Kelly Slater’s Wave Pool

“I sat here just staring… This article… It is too perfect to make fun of, my blood pressure went through the roof seeing it on FB… I finally understand what white girls mean when they say “I can’t even.” God bless everyone.”

david f reaches enlightenment. (4 upvotes)

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1500 1000 04

Watch A TV Host Surf Kelly Slater’s Wave Pool

“Can someone tell me why they’re planning to build a Wavegarden pool in Melbourne when they could presumably soon build a Kelly pool?”

Tommy Boyce, trying to rationalise what can’t be rationalised. (7 upvotes)

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1500 1000 03

The Right Side Of The States With Cody Thompson

“If Beth Hamilton can take a shark, she can take on the Disqus forum!”

Noa’s last dart, in the minority of commenters who’d write tastefully on a women’s post. (5 upvotes)

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20160523 5D3A2463 beaupilgrim Comment

There’s Nothing Magical About A 20 Ft Wave That Doesn’t Barrel, Yesterday At Cloudbreak

“Can’t wait to watch a week of macking swell at Cloudbreak followed by double overhead perfect Cloudbreak barrels being dodged by the Women’s CT event followed by a Cathels v. Melling final for the men’s event in chest high onshore Cloudbreak.”

– david f, aka Nostradamus. (23 upvotes)

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1500 1000 01

Bede Durbidge Has Started Surfing Again

1. “I’ve heard Balter are gonna drop a limited run of tribute ales in celebration, the Bedewiser.”

DC Green, on Bede’s co-owned brewery a return to surfing. (5 upvotes)

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