Stab Magazine | "A Bright Future For Ciggie Smoking, Finger Giving, Free Surfers"

Live Now: How Surfers Get Paid — The Queens of Ascension


“A Bright Future For Ciggie Smoking, Finger Giving, Free Surfers”

Edition 108. 

style // Nov 4, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: 3 minutes

Puff the magic nostalgia.

This week in the damp, albeit bright cavern that is Stabmagdotcommercial we stared deeply into yesteryear. Over the past seven days we covered such old-new-and-postmortem topics as Andy Irons’ death (one year to the date). We cornered Taj Burrow and John Respondek in WA and asked a few question about a book aptly named Taj. Rory Parker squeezed some hotter-than-a-red-mustang coverage out of Jaws. We ran an interview with Bobby Martinez our dear Jake Howard originally did for the Surfers Journal. There was a party gallery or four. We asked, “what happened to Laurie Towner?” Then found out. Then fueled the sponsorship fire (that probably will extinguish by the time I finish tapping this) and @worldsurflols gave us his 10 proudest moments. 

I wrote a paranoid tale about spending 10 days on a sickly ship in Fiji with Chippa Wilson and co (contrary to commentary belief, the boat trip was very enjoyable). We asked if Ian Walsh’s perfect ten at Jaws was underscored and the new world order was revealed by WSL Deputy Commissioner Renato Hickel to a Portuguese news outlet and since then the WSL has stopped answering inquiries regarding the 2019 season. Kelly Slater, presumably for the first time since he injured his foot, left Lemoore for the GTL flavor of New Jersey. Kelly Slater also told us he’d surf the Pipe Masters. 

As Hawaii once again stole our attention the WSL Water Patrol did their damnedest to take down an unauthorized drone at Jaws. Meanwhile, in Oregon, some guy filming got choked out (he kinda deserved it) and Jeremy Flores told our resident dolphin all about his last 11 years on tour. 

And finally a word from our resident dog, iHusky, “Shout out to the sweet and innocent commentators who wade into our degenerate cesspool. From last weeks’ Gabby fan to this weeks’ three-way enthusiast and of course the sweetest of all – a financially restricted KS!”

It all happened. Again. All alone. Down there. 

10. 5 Airs In 45 Seconds With Kolohe Andino


9. What Happened To Laurie Towner? 


8. Pro Surfers Get Behind The Laurie Towner Sponsorship Movement


7. @worldsurflols 10 Proudest Moments


6. Kelly Slater To Open The World’s Greatest Retirement Home For Surfers


5. Pe’ahi Finals Day: Rory Misses The Boat


4. What Happened To Laurie Towner? (Instagram Post) 


3. Kelly Slater Will Surf The Pipe Masters 


2. Come To Oregon, Get Choked Out


1. The Day Before The (Jaws) Dance



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