America the Brave (and cheap!)

From Stab issue 67: Noa Deane on suds, grinds and weapons… Words by Derek Rielly One month ago, Noa Deane slipped into the USA to chase waves and photos. Based in Malibu with Dillon Perillo and, later, Santa Babs with photographer Morgan Maassen, Noa flew to Mexico twice (first, with Dillon and Sterling Spencer) and then with Craig Anderson and Dane Reynolds. His journeying was rewarded with many waves and a short film, by Maassen. Toobs and bucks aside, Noa got to indulge in that wondrous triumvirate of American greatness: weak, cheap suds, nasty, cheap food and cheap, over-the-counter guns. Stab was thrilled to find out more. Stab: This photo, here, was taken to demonstrate your love of American beer, food and guns…thrill me… Noa: Yeah, that’s what it is. Let’s go shoot some stuff! Let’s drink some beer and let’s eat shitty food! I love how cheap beer is in America. It must be 10 bucks for a 12-pack. It’s ridiculous. Less than a dollar for a beer. Morgan (the photographer) hates it. He was freaking out that I was drinking it. I’d make him buy me 12-packs of Pabst Brewing Company beer and take me to In-N-Out and eat hell crappy food. How many 12 packs did you mow through? Four or five. I was only there for a week. Six beers a day or something. They’re really weak so you don’t get too fucked up on ‘em. I mean, you do if you have a 12-pack, but not if you have a six-y. I imagine you have a great tolerance for beer, growing up in Coolangatta. I guess so, yeah. I went to the Sands (a hotel in Coolangatta) last night and I had a couple of beers and I was fucking trashed. I forgot how a schooner’s got that little extra bit at the end that’s stronger than American beer and it just flogged me. Tell me what you like about guns? I like the way they look, though not the fact they can kill. It’s a powerful fucking thing in your hands. It’s a weird feeling. You’ve got a gun with a bullet that can kill someone. Is it sexy? Yeah. When are you happiest in the USA? I was bummed the whole trip because Morgan wouldn’t take me to In-N-Out Burger and as soon I got one of those burgers and one of those shakes, I was the happiest man ever. The burger’s a double double with onion and I flip the tomato off – of course, because I don’t like tomatoes – and then they got this weird, Thousand Island orange sauce with onions chopped up through it. It’s fucked up. And then the fries, you order ‘em Animal Style and they put two slices of cheese on it and more of the orange sauce on top of that. And then you get this shake that’s so thick it won’t even come up the straw. It’s so unhealthy and cheap. It’s everything I want in one thing. Everyone’s all gluten-free and shit but it’s so hard to do that when you’re not earning a million bucks a year. It costs a lot to do that. Do you ever feel disconnected from Australian culture particularly after a stint in the US? I like it more after being in the US. Going to the pub, getting a counter meal and a beer is pretty fucked up. It’s amazing. I did it last night, I probably do it a couple of nights a week. It’s cheap and the beer tastes so much better. You come back here and you get a schooner of VB or New and it’s so flavoursome. In winter, you can get the beer and the counter meal for 15 bucks. It’s a warm meal and there’s a standard that counter meals uphold, a good standard. You know you’ll never have a bad one, you’ll never have an amazing one, true, but you can trust ‘em. It’s not like a sketchy Indian restaurant that you can’t trust. You can go to any pub and it’ll be good. And the beer’s the same. It’s sick. You can purchase a digital copy of Stab issue 67 in its entirety, right here.