Allianz Partners With The WSL, Medina’s Board Runs Out Of Room, And Nazare Got Good

You know it’s been a long time between World Tour stops when a QS is fun to watch, and somethings definitely up when Nazaré is comparatively pumping.  

Like a drunken guy going through a dry spell, even your fat cousin started to turn the dial. The burgers of Nazarè have never looked so appetising. Parko got carried up the beach at the Hawaiian Pro, confusingly, so did the guy who got second. Tyler’s ‘so sick’ and Gabby’s board is starting to look like Ricky Bobbys stock car.

While we wait for Pipe, this is the view from the Greenroom.

The World Surf League has announced a new corporate partnership with one of the worlds biggest insurance companies, Allianz Insurance, who will be offering a “No Claim Bonus” to surfers in this year’s Pipeline Masters. The concept which is traditionally used as a reward for good driving, will reward surfers who get an excellent score and do not “claim” the ride. Any surfer who can make it through their heats without claiming will receive a year’s free health insurance, plus a $5k bonus.

Word is that certain sections of the CT crew are angry they will be punished for showing their passion, whereas others are just angry that they have no chance of posting an excellent score to qualify for the bonus. 

The board that has only been surfed “a couple of times” and is still in “mint condition” has quite an unusual aftermarket spray job, that is clearly not hiding any repairs that have been done to it.

While some may charge more for extra artwork on a board, the seller is giving a sweet discount on a board that “would suit a new board buyer” and has asked for “no time wasters.”

“Can’t believe these guys had jet ski assist, it wasn’t even that big. So boring, no one even drowned.” Quoting numerous Facebook commenters who weren’t impressed with 20-ft barrels at the recent Big Wave Tour event held at Nazaré, Portugal.⠀

Even though the last 50 waves broke in the same spot, which everyone saw, the surfer seems to continually be surprised that the next wave is “out the back.” Surprised enough to tell anyone within earshot, that there is a wave coming.

Using years of local knowledge, as well as understandings of bathymetry, of the swell direction, the tide, and wind the conditions, this surfer keeps everyone in on their toes when a set is approaching.

Sources close to Gabriel say that his management has told him he either needs to ride bigger boards or drop a couple of his sponsors because there is no more room on the glass for anymore stickers. Rumours are that he has enlisted Adriano de Souza into his camp to help him organize his sticker placement as ADS has long ridden boards stickered up like a 12 year olds school book.

[Editor’s Note: Gabriel Medina signed a new sponsorship deal less than an hour after this post went up. The best satire’s bordering on truth.]