Who’da Thunk That One Day, Hawaiians Would Travel To Texas To Surf?

Take a second and think back to December 17th, 2015. 

Mick and Adriano were heading into the final day of the Pipe Masters, where one of them would become the World Champion of surfing. Surely, Mick would win. The idea of a 7-dollar-surfboard-riding, not-especially-talented-in-relation-to-his-peers, so-humble-that-you-can’t-help-but-adore-him De Souza securing the Title over the beloved White Lightning—who on top of being a far superior surfer to Adriano, had suffered the loss of his second brother just two days prior—was simply asinine. 

But then, the impossible happened. Medina (kinda) landed a full-rotation in the semifinals, knocking Mick out of the World Title race. Adriano had defied all odds to become the second Brazilian ever to win a World Championship at a wave that once gave him nightmares. Then he won the Pipe Masters to top it off.

But that was just a ripple in the pond of perceived reality, compared to what Slater would reveal the following day—a fully artificial, chest-ish high, 25-second barrel in Lemoore, California. 

In that moment I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we were living in a simulation. 

Don’t believe me? Think of everything that’s happened since then:

– Donald Trump became president

– the Chicago Cubs won the World Series

– A pandemic put the entire world on ‘Airplane’ mode

– Hawaiians now travel to Texas…to SURF

Fucking hell.