4 Viral surf interviews and the questioning of our kind

Words by Morgan Williamson  Fuck, not again… Another clip’s going viral and further tainting the perception of surfers. So, here’s a collection of five true Spicolis so burnt that the words flowing from their mouths are more a goop of drawled out hash oil. Like they’re over analysing the portrayal of some cruiser lifestyle, or have been left in the oven too long. Or making an intentional mockery of pigeonholed conceptions, which I can’t help but find humour in. If you think Hollywood doesn’t do surfers justice, these folk are probably to blame. But I refuse to believe that the overarching majority of my fellow surfers portray this image of certain cookery. Amongst us are readers, thinkers, musicians, writers, artists and builders. We indulge in life’s finer things and have the present thought to appreciate the phenomena that is riding rolling hills of water. I like to think at least… 1. Jersey Boyz: After a recent storm in New Jersey these two brothers Tucker and Robert ‘Hob’ Greaff grabbed their beaters, selfie sticks, a four by four and took to the flooded streets. “There was no swell in the ocean,” Tuck told Fox News, “so we decided to hit the streets, YEW!” Granted it was probs fun and for some reason news worthy. The deplorable state of our nation however, is a story for another time. Prior to the interview I imagine the brothers set a competition on who could throw more shakas and hoot more yews. It’s got to be a gaff. After watching Catch Surf’s unintentional advertisement, this list was born. Yew, shaka, yeah boys! *** 2. Pitted, so pitted! Point Break’s Bodhi (RIP Patty Swayze) wouldn’t be as psyched as this cat during the 50 year storm. “One more wave bro!” We remember this video from a few years back, it grabbed the internet by its haunches and humped it into submission. “Wabashes!” ensued throughout lineups in a mockery. Daniel Tosh even brought this gent onto his show for a Tosh.0 Web Redemption. I will say though, as stereotyped and played out as this interview is, we all know the feeling. Some just articulate it better than others. *** 3. Kai the hitchhiker: “Straight outta Dogtown!” Kai the hitchhiker’s pretty classic. The lines that come out of his mouth during this interview are pure gold. Like when the reporter asks Kai his age, to which he responds, “I can’t call it…” Also Kai’s a hero, he saved a woman’s life from a 300 pound man in the middle of divine revolutionary psychosis. He may be in the midst of the strangest acid trip of his life but thank god he had his faithful hatchet. By the way, if anybody up in the Half-Moon Bay area’s got an extra board, Kai would love to give Mavs a go! *** 4. Malibu: Apart from the shakas and being a product of Mother Nature, it’s unclear if Malibu’s a surfer. However based on the interview, his name, jargon, and hand gestures I’m inclined to believe that’s the stereotype represented in this American Gladiators clip. But if that hair and sunglass combo isn’t a thing of beauty I don’t know what to believe anymore. ***