Stab Magazine | Tony Abbott's Excuse For Dropping In On Ivy Thomas Sucks

Live Now: Chapter 11 Mini-Documentary With Dane Reynolds

929 Views

Tony Abbott’s Excuse For Dropping In On Ivy Thomas Sucks

Half blind but still able to establish that she was “extremely attractive?” IT DON’T ADD UP, TONES.

news // Apr 14, 2016
Words by @bailey.eldering
Reading Time: < 1 minute

It was a few weeks ago that one of the highest profile drop-ins in surfing history went down at Noosa Point, Queensland. An image surfaced online featuring Ex-Prime Minister of Australia, face of a nation for two whole years, Tony Abbott, blatantly burning a 17 year-old logger on a Tea Tree foamer. We heard the recount on the Courier Mail from north coast gurfer and victim, Ivy Thomas, where she admitted she was less worried about the non-consensual tandem ride and more relieved that the 58-year-old was (unseasonably) wearing a wetsuit and not his ‘budgie smugglers’. For those unacquainted with Tones, seeing him in minimal swimwear isn’t an unusual sight. Anyhow, the drop in was enough to temporarily holt scrolling, but we never heard what Mr Abbott had to say about the incident. He’s a surfer, right? He should know the deal. Where’s the apology, or at least an acknowledgement of wrongdoings?

“The truth is I have no peripheral vision, particularly when I’m surfing,” Tony told Roccy FM radio station. “If it’s a righthand break, I just can’t see out of my left eye. It’s just impossible. I don’t know whether it’s the salt water or if it’s some genetic defect but I just can’t see…” An excuse that wouldn’t fly in most lineups. Interestingly, his vision restored in time to give Ivy a once over:

I was just catching the wave minding my own business and eventually there was this extremely attractive and very, very talented surfer on my left.”

Next time you’re on the sands of Oahu with an angry local on the chase, remember Tony’s excuse. Just don’t bring physical appearance into it.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Watch: What Happens When A Brand Takes Its Youth Team To A CT Event?

A: Good things, typically.

Mar 29, 2024

Full Frame: Scandinavia Is Surfing’s Next Frontier

A 30-hour drive, bathymetric maps, and 10 years of searching yield surfing's newest discovery.

Mar 29, 2024

Watch: João Chianca Had A Remarkable Hawaii Season Before His Injury

Plus an update on his condition.

Mar 28, 2024

Pittar’d And Feathered

Do the WSL judges deserve the internet's wrath? We asked the man of the hour.

Mar 28, 2024

Robbo, Pickles, And Tyler Wright Become The Underdogs Breakfast At Uninspiring Winkipop

The foreboding blade sharpens and inconsistent judging prevails on Day Two in Torquay.

Mar 27, 2024

“I Don’t Always Win Heats, But When I Do, I Try To Beat John John”

Slater shines and the axe begins its descent on Day 01 at Bells.

Mar 26, 2024

Back Against The Wall: The Ramzi Boukhiam Redemption

Morocco's first CT surfer on speaking six languages, having no coach, and snatching Fil Toledo's…

Mar 25, 2024

Will Kirra, Babies or JJF Stop a GOAT Winning at Bells?

Bluesky BOAG advice from a Superman specialist and former Trials winner.

Mar 25, 2024

Bells Preview: The WSL’s Victorian Sword Dancing Equinox Ritual

Will a Brazilian crack the Top 10 at Bells?

Mar 25, 2024

69 Shin Bones Later + the Anticlimactic State of Big Wave Record-Breaking

Lucas Chumbo might have surfed the biggest wave ever this year. But how will we…

Mar 23, 2024

Watch: ‘Fresh and Fried’ Ft the Quik Kids

How taxing is it to tackle the Gold Coast’s Triple Crown in a single day,…

Mar 23, 2024

The Popular Vote: The People’s Stab In The Dark With Kolohe Andino Champion

Which board looked best — to you —under Kolohe's talons?

Mar 22, 2024

Six Key Learnings From Portugal

Three CT events in, what do we know? 

Mar 21, 2024

‘Zipper’ Is Going On Tour, Here’s Where You Can Watch It  

Dates, times + locations for the Venice, Encinitas, Sydney + Byron premieres.  

Mar 20, 2024

Dane Reynolds On His Future, His Past, And Chapter 11’s Raison D’être

Our 9-minute plunge into the collective psyche of Ventura's pillar(s).

Mar 20, 2024

From ‘Blue Ribbon Cross Country Runner’ to Vogue – How Steph Again Is Back With A Rip Curl Remix

Everything we know about the she-GOATs sponsorship boomerang.

Mar 18, 2024

Stab Interview: Darren Handley Explains Why You Can’t Buy The Winning Stab In The Dark Model

And his decades-long standoff with Slater.

Mar 17, 2024

Griff Embraces Portugal’s Eternal Time Loop To Vanquish Medina + Ewing, Defay Delays The Inevitable

A redeeming closing act at Supertubos.

Mar 16, 2024
Advertisement