Stab Magazine | Tony Abbott's Excuse For Dropping In On Ivy Thomas Sucks

Watch 'Wildcard: The Moana Jones-Wong Story'


Tony Abbott’s Excuse For Dropping In On Ivy Thomas Sucks

Half blind but still able to establish that she was “extremely attractive?” IT DON’T ADD UP, TONES.

news // Apr 14, 2016
Words by @bailey.eldering
Reading Time: < 1 minutes

It was a few weeks ago that one of the highest profile drop-ins in surfing history went down at Noosa Point, Queensland. An image surfaced online featuring Ex-Prime Minister of Australia, face of a nation for two whole years, Tony Abbott, blatantly burning a 17 year-old logger on a Tea Tree foamer. We heard the recount on the Courier Mail from north coast gurfer and victim, Ivy Thomas, where she admitted she was less worried about the non-consensual tandem ride and more relieved that the 58-year-old was (unseasonably) wearing a wetsuit and not his ‘budgie smugglers’. For those unacquainted with Tones, seeing him in minimal swimwear isn’t an unusual sight. Anyhow, the drop in was enough to temporarily holt scrolling, but we never heard what Mr Abbott had to say about the incident. He’s a surfer, right? He should know the deal. Where’s the apology, or at least an acknowledgement of wrongdoings?

“The truth is I have no peripheral vision, particularly when I’m surfing,” Tony told Roccy FM radio station. “If it’s a righthand break, I just can’t see out of my left eye. It’s just impossible. I don’t know whether it’s the salt water or if it’s some genetic defect but I just can’t see…” An excuse that wouldn’t fly in most lineups. Interestingly, his vision restored in time to give Ivy a once over:

I was just catching the wave minding my own business and eventually there was this extremely attractive and very, very talented surfer on my left.”

Next time you’re on the sands of Oahu with an angry local on the chase, remember Tony’s excuse. Just don’t bring physical appearance into it.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent


Unlocked: ‘Nozvid’ In All Its Glory

Two years and $100K later.

Dec 8, 2022

How To Watch The Vans Pipe Masters

With less than 24 hours to go, we've put together a complete list of rules…

Dec 7, 2022

Watch: Stab’s Best Wetsuits of 2023

Our quest to objectively establish the best men's suit, women's suit, and booties out of…

Dec 7, 2022

Eithan Osborne Belongs On The 2003 World Tour

But he's gotten an invite to the 2022 Vans Pipe Masters, so we caught up…

Dec 7, 2022


“I Could Do Reels And Surf Two Foot Beachies And Hoard Cash But That’s Moral Suicide”

Noa Deane’s thoughts on money, media, airs in glassy waves and more.

Dec 7, 2022

Wildcard: The Moana Jones-Wong Story

The rise and rise of Mrs. Pipeline.

Dec 6, 2022

Watch: Torrey Meister’s Gunslinging SEOTY Entry

"Bull-riding is such a great warmup for surfing big waves."

Dec 6, 2022

Guess Who Else Just Got Invited To The Vans Pipe Masters

3 more withdrawals, and 3 more exciting replacements.

Dec 6, 2022


‘Buying Double Cheeseburgers, Acting Like He’s Hit Some Sections Today’

RAGE 400 drops ft Noz, Chun, Creed, Vinny, Jel, Wado + others!

Dec 5, 2022

What’s Happening To Orange County’s Sand, And Is It Worsening The Waves At Lowers?

Read this to upgrade your understanding of your local beach break and coastal environment.

Dec 5, 2022

Here Are The 15 People Who Qualified For The 2023 CT

After seven events and much groveling, 10 men and 5 women will officially be CT…

Dec 3, 2022

An Ode To Aussie Chick Pros From The Nineties 

A celebration of stoicism, resilience, grit, core lordship, and unconditional love.

Dec 3, 2022

Update: John John Flushes Everyone Down The Haleiwa Toilet Bowl

And the CT qualifications for 2023 are set.

Dec 3, 2022


Riaru Ito Is Cooler Than His Cucumber Garden

Meet our passion pick for the Vans Pipe Masters.

Dec 2, 2022

5 New Surfers Confirmed For The Vans Pipe Masters

Who's out, who's in?

Dec 2, 2022

Unlocked: Kael Walsh, Rolo Montes, And Al Cleland Jr In ‘Saturn’

Quik’s new 20-minute surf film is so good you’ll want to burn a DVD of…

Dec 2, 2022

How Surfers Get Paid, Episode 4

The energy drinks are here. They’ve got millions of dollars, and they want your head.

Dec 2, 2022

‘Saturn’ Orbits Into Southern California

Quiksilver's newest film made landfall in Encinitas, and we were there to document the occasion.

Dec 1, 2022