Stab Magazine | Subaru And Daniel Tosh Almost Got Surfing Right

And The Winners Of The Vans Triple Crown of Surfing Are... Watch The Pick-Up Episode 5, Presented by Vans, To Find Out

913 Views

Subaru And Daniel Tosh Almost Got Surfing Right

So close. 

news // Apr 2, 2017
Words by stab
Reading Time: < 1 minutes

Surfing is adventure.

Well, not for you and me. For us, it’s just a way to not become clinically insane or, even worse, overweight alcoholics who passionately consume, argue about and fantasise over sports we don’t play.

But for big non-endemic brands? This shit is adventure. It’s the epitome of living a full life. And, conveniently, a great way of telling the world that when actions, virtue, and general ethics fail, you can simply purchase an identity. After all, the best way to destroy pretentiousness and vanity is to sell everything and live out a van then make an Instagram, a blog and a movie out of it.

So, Subaru. Daniel Tosh. Another shot at making surfing buyable. Let’s analyse.

Wins
-Daniel Tosh surfs well — used to crush dreams in the Explorer Juniors division at Florida NSSAs back in his day from what I hear.
-Love the shot at SUPs 51 seconds in. It’s true. If you take a small boat and an oversized spoon into the ocean, you have no friends and most people want you to pass on.
-Kissing the wrong person vaguely hints at the adulterous lifestyle running rampant in the surf industry.

Losses
-Wetsuits. Homeboy’s in a hood, and you’re wearing a short john? Be better.
-Boards like that kind of suck.
-Them racks. Putting a board on the roof when there is clearly room in the car is an IMMEDIATE write-off. Worse than strapping your board on the wrong way in my opinion. Fuck those weird little rabbits you have back there and toss that thing in the boot.

Overall
6.73. Good job, good effort Subaru. Still won’t be buying one of your automobiles until I become the leading scorer on my woman’s lacrosse team.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Carissa Moore And Finn McGill Are Your 2023 Vans Triple Crown Of Surfing Champions 

They both pocket $50k and tickets to this year’s Vans Pipe Masters.

Jan 27, 2023

The Pick-Up, Presented By Vans, Episode 5

Mason Ho helps us ring in our final week on the North Shore.

Jan 27, 2023

Goofyfoot Brazilian World Champion Stars In Stab’s Biggest Board-Testing Franchise

Can you guess who?

Jan 26, 2023

Surf Community Rallies To Raise Funds For Eddie Winner And On-Duty Hawaiian Lifeguard Luke Shepardson

Because it's the right thing to do, of course.

Jan 26, 2023

Interview: Caity Simmers On Machete Wars, Rihanna, Personal Project Problems, And The Rise Of Female Surf Content. 

A toast to ‘Toasted.’

Jan 25, 2023

Stab Surfer of the Year: Creed McTaggart, Albee Layer, Laura Enever, Dane Guduaskas, and Selema Masekela

Day 8: "65 years young and charging just as hard as ever at Pipe, Backdoor,…

Jan 25, 2023

“I’m Not A Big Wave Guy”

How Kai Paula accidentally made his mark at Jaws three weeks after surfing it for…

Jan 24, 2023

Everyone Went.

A toes in the sand, phone in the lagoon account of the 10th Eddie Aikau…

Jan 24, 2023

Breaking: Another CT Rookie Injured Before First Event

Sophie McCulloch pulls out of Pipeline due to Snapper Rocks snafu.

Jan 23, 2023

23:26

Watch: ‘Toasted,’ By Caity Simmers

Your favorite surfer directs, edits, and stars in her first feature film. 

Jan 23, 2023

On-Duty North Shore Lifeguard Luke Shepardson Wins The Eddie Aikau

Local man prevails over 39 big-wave heavyweights at 29ft @ 19 seconds Waimea.

Jan 23, 2023

The Eddie Aikau Invitational Is On

Grab a beverage and enjoy surfing's Super Bowl Sunday

Jan 22, 2023

The Women’s CT Is About To See A Generational Shift 

Only three women have won a Title in the past 15 years. Here's why that's…

Jan 22, 2023

4:58

“One For Marcio” – Albee Layer’s Tribute To Mad Dog

Imagine treating 30ft Jaws like Backdoor.

Jan 22, 2023

Stab Surfer of the Year: Noa Deane, Jamie O’Brien, Parker Coffin, Cliff Kapono, and Brendan Buckley

Day 7: "It's like he feels more comfortable when it’s as gnarly as it gets."…

Jan 21, 2023

Five Reasons Why The Eddie Still Matters

With better waves around the world and likely no prize money, why is The Eddie…

Jan 20, 2023

35:26

The Pick-Up, Presented By Vans, Episode 4

The science behind morning sickness, Sunset sliding with Noa Deane, and bailing on a President…

Jan 20, 2023

Which 2023 CT Rookies Will Make The Mid-Year Cut?

Just 10 days out from the start of the 2023 season, Mikey C and Stace…

Jan 19, 2023
Advertisement