Stab Podcast: Natural Selection vs. Nazaré

This week on the podcast, it’s not a rebel tour — it’s a male-gaze porno. No tenderness, no buildup, no sweet nothings. Just action, start to finish.

“It’s happening so fast,” Buck mutters, still catching his breath from the first instalment of Natural Selection Surf. “I wanted a more tender take.” 

“Other than Eithan’s wave, there was no scroll arresting, fucked up wave that we wanted to see,” agrees Mikey. 

If nothing else, the event made one thing clear — Milla Coco Brown is unchained. “This event made me think that Milla is going to break women’s surfing,” said Mikey. “Caity is unbelievable, but I think Milla has the potential to go even beyond that.”

To wrap it up, and to soften the blow, Buck mutters, “All in all, it was a fucking cool event.”

“I love it when people come in and take a swing,” Mikey adds. “You’d have to call it a semi-success. But is this the future of surf events? Nah, I don’t think so.”

On the subject of being brutally critical of surf events, Buck hates big waves. “I was yelled at by multiple cops today,” he says, equal parts defiant and pleased with himself, before launching into his grim retelling of the Nazaré Challenge. “If you missed it — good for you.”

“I did some research last night,” Buck continues, sharpening his blade. “Six hundred people climbed Everest last year. It costs between 35 and 160 grand to do it. Some of them are probably legit climbers, others are retired bankers just looking for something to do. A few will write books about it. But just like Nazaré — yes, it’s an impressive thing to do, but you cannot expect me to give a fuck.”

“If people are offended by that, I’ll tell them to go get excited about a Zoltan kickflip. That’s how far removed it is. Zoltan doesn’t expect anyone to care. He’s still getting stoned, still taking bong rips, still doing kickflips.” 

Then, an announcement. A big one.

Mikey, mid-thought, shifts gears. “I’ve got something to say.”

Buck stiffens, palms clammy. “Ohhh. I know what’s coming!” 

“We’re bringing back Surf100,” Mikey says, and the world — or at least Buck — levitates.

“That is fucking huge, Mikey.”

Mikey teases the new format, but if you want the details, you’ll have to listen. One thing, though — winner walks away with $100K.

Also on the docket: why the true measure of a surf car is miles per gallon, the geological glitch that gifts barrel time to the unworthy, two vertebrae-crunching wipeouts at Pipeline, and a foreboding glimpse of what’s to come.