Stab Podcast: How To Beat John John In The Vans Triple Crown - Stab Mag
1195 Views
John Florence, safe for now. Photo: Laswerwolf

Stab Podcast: How To Beat John John In The Vans Triple Crown

This might get uncomfortable.

Words by Michael Ciaramella

John Florence has won four Vans Triple Crowns throughout his career.

The first three were “traditional” Triple Crowns, meaning he accrued more points than any other surfer across the three WSL events at Haleiwa, Sunset, and Pipeline in these given years. The last one was a “modern” Triple Crown, meaning that John submitted the best clips of any surfer from Haleiwa, Sunset, and Pipe last winter.

It’s been argued in previous episodes of The Drop that this new format will result in John winning the next 20 Triple Crowns, as his performance level at each of the venues is so dominant, that when given a full month to get his best waves, no one else will come close. The fact that he had the highest scoring rides at each of the venues last season adds some credence to this logic.

But there is one man — one strong, steely-eyed man — who’s proven himself capable of rattling the cool, calm, and collected Florence. And no, it’s not Gabriel Medina.

It’s Zeke Lau. The 27-year-old Hawaiian, former and future CT competitor, and Ultimate Surfer, once put John in a figurative headlock at the 2018 Bells event. With encouragement from his coach and infamous hassler (in his day), Jake ‘Snake’ Paterson, Zeke sat on John like he had an asphyxiation kink, at some points being in shoulder-to-shoulder contact, and other times paddling directly toward the 2x World Champion’s surfboard.

…And it worked.

John, a clearly superior surfer in the conditions, fell in crucial moments, demonstrating just how rattled he was by Zeke’s antics. This was one of the most interesting heats in the past decade of competitive surfing, and more importantly, it provides a certain window of opportunity for Triple Crown aspirants.

What if you just sat on John John…for the whole month of the Triple Crown window?

You’d need a proper game plan and probably a team of spotters in place. One at John’s front door, to see if he’s loading the car with boards, and one on the beach behind his house to see if he’s paddling out near home. Walkie-talkies would also be a must, as the cell service is terrible on that part of the island.

From there, you’d need a car and electric bike ready, so that you could get from Sunset to Pipe in no more than five minutes, and Haleiwa in 20 (depending on traffic).

Then comes the hard part — actually sitting on John John. Not only do you have to deal with endless embarrassment and guilt, but you also need to have the physical strength to keep up with one of the best paddlers on tour…and his brothers and friends, who will probably want to kick your ass.

Even if you somehow manage all of that without getting a proper North Shore beatdown, you’d also need to go on some really scary waves. John doesn’t like the little ones.

So, uhhhh…good luck with that.

BONUS: Self-proclaimed Walmart of surf photography, Ryan Miller, also joined us on this week’s episode to discuss his years entrenched on the tour, hot investment tips (#1: pick a good wife), and why work ethic trumps all.

Here are some timecodes for some of the other topics from this week’s podcast, for the impatient types:
– The big wave tour is back! …Kinda (2:30)
– Peter Mel’s film is premiering next week (9:10)
– How Zeke Lau will beat John Florence once and for all (10:30)
– How to build a surf camp (17:50)
– Why’d an Australian artist burn $30K worth of art? (23:15)
– Stab Highway has taken a turn for the urban (29:00)
– Volcano ruins surf spot (33:00)
– This week’s surf sin (35:00)
– Ryan Miller offers career advice (42:00)

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Meet Liv Stone, The Pennsylvania-Born Para Surf World Champion

It’s feel-good time!

Nov 27, 2021

We’re Having Trouble Picking Snapt4’s ‘Best Barrel’ and Monster ‘Maneuver’

Here are the official nominees. Help us out.

Nov 27, 2021

Stab Podcast: Will Peninsula Boy Kelly Slater Spin His Way To Glory At Haleiwa?

Let's hope nobody leaves a menacing note on his car.

Nov 26, 2021

17:53

Watch: Lucas Godfrey Is The Most Barreled Man Of The Summer

Puerto Escondido has rarely been surfed like this.

Nov 26, 2021

Watch: Final Episode Of Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

It's time to go home.

Nov 26, 2021

20:51

Every Once In A While, A Genuine Super-Talent Rears His Pretty Little Head

Bronson Meydi might be that kid.

Nov 25, 2021

Haydenshapes Is Doing A Flash Sale On Their Most Precious Blood Diamonds

7 limited edition ‘altered’ surfboards, discounts, and an exclusive art series rollout across stock models.

Nov 25, 2021

Who’s Going To Make The CT This Year?

Haleiwa, prophesied.

Nov 24, 2021

Let’s Get You A Free Private Session At URBNSURF

We're treating six Stab Premium members to a free surf and tickets to the URBNSURF…

Nov 24, 2021

10:15

Nic Von Rupp Just Tamed A Giant Nazaré Tube By Hand (No Ski)

Yes, this is a paddle-in.

Nov 23, 2021

7:54

Watch: The Best ‘Shit Waves’ We’ve Seen With Dane Reynolds And Co.

Everything is relative.

Nov 23, 2021

Luca Padua Is A Badass Motherfucker

Meet the 19-year old big-wave prodigy being mentored by Laird Hamilton.

Nov 23, 2021

“My Wife Probably Wouldn’t Have Been Bitten By A Pit Viper If We Lived On A Charter Boat”

A land-based surf camp owner explains how his life and business differ from a boat-based…

Nov 23, 2021

6:40

Jordy And J-Bay Go Together Like Old Bay And Popcorn

Grab a fistful and inhale.

Nov 22, 2021

Opinion: In The Age Of The Vlog, It’s Getting Harder To Find Good Surf Films

Surfing and storytelling are two entirely different skillsets.

Nov 22, 2021

3:42

Cole Houshmand Gets Crapped On By A Bird, Proceeds To Score Out Of His Mind

Smooth, surgical lines from the San Clemente gentleman in 'Good Luck'.

Nov 22, 2021

5:10

Erin Brooks Is A Rare Type Of Talent — We Can’t Stop Watching

Watch the Ladybird air-drop into Kandui caverns with a grin on her face.

Nov 22, 2021

Watch: Harry Bryant’s Feary Sydney Harbour Bridge Swim

One for the history books.

Nov 22, 2021
Advertisement