Stab Magazine | No, Kelly Slater is not retiring (yet)
2975 Views

No, Kelly Slater is not retiring (yet)

By Elliot Struck This morning, Kelly Slater announced his retirement from professional competitive surfing. Currently, I’d be quivering in a ball on my Ikea rug, tears of mascara staining my cheeks, were it not for one thing: It’s April 1 in the US, aka April Fool’s Day. Last year, Mr Slater announced to the world, […]

news // Mar 8, 2016
Words by stab
Reading Time: 2 minutes

By Elliot Struck

This morning, Kelly Slater announced his retirement from professional competitive surfing.

Currently, I’d be quivering in a ball on my Ikea rug, tears of mascara staining my cheeks, were it not for one thing: It’s April 1 in the US, aka April Fool’s Day.

Last year, Mr Slater announced to the world, on this very same day, that he was parting ways with Quiksilver after 24 years with the brand (signed before Filly Toledo was born!) – and that one turned out to be legitimate. Amazingly, April Fool’s just happened to fall on the same date that Kelly’s contract ended.

In this age of “Lemme just ‘gram that” it’s hardly unusual for Kelly to make big announcements to his adoring public via the image-sharing smart phone application (don’t we live in a strange nu-world!); He’s dropped bombs on us like the Quiksilver departure, the purchase of options to a story about weed smuggling, his new line of furniture for kids (more on that below) and various others. So, his post this morning was convincing:

“Big decisions in life don’t come easy and it’s taken a lot of quiet time and personal introspection to come to this conclusion…The #RipCurlPro was the first event I surfed on tour and it’s fitting that this will be my last @wsl. There are too many people to thank and memories to go over but here’s to hoping I can pull a rabbit out of the hat and win one last event this week.”

But if I know Kelly as well as I think I do (which is not at all… Kelly if you’re reading this, can we be pals?), he loves the retirement conversation, and taking his Jedi tricks beyond heats, out into the world, and trolling the shit out of all one million of the people who turned the blue button on his profile green.

There’s also that cheeky little #HappyApril1stEveryoneBackHome at the bottom of his post.

Plus, like, we checked with some people who’d know. “We have received no word, officially or unofficially, that Kelly is retiring after the Rip Curl Pro,” said the WSL’s Dave Prodan. “That said, it’d be appropriate to add that Kelly breaking news on Instagram is not unprecedented. We’ll all wait and see how he feels on April 2.”

And, Stephen Bell, Kelly’s long-time pal and international Quiksilver team manager, told Stab: “I haven’t seen the post yet, he hasn’t said anything to me, but… take a look at the date.”

And! Kelly ain’t going out on waveless Bells Beach when the Pacific leg is still to be consumed. C’mon.

But if it’s so obvious that this is an April Fool’s, why are you even reading this? Because it’s Kelly Fucking Slater and surfing without him isn’t quite surfing (at least until the new emperor finds his groove). That star’s way yet to fade.

Oh! And… Kelly designing environmentally-chill furniture for PBTeen is officially a thing. See:

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Unlocked: Leonardo Fioravanti’s Stab Edit Of The Year Entry 

Watch 'The Cut' now, and baffle at the quality of both the waves and the…

Oct 4, 2022

The Pro Surfer Who Filmed A War Documentary In Ukraine

Damien Castera's got a story to tell.

Oct 4, 2022

Honest Review(s): O’Neill Hyperfreak Fire

Pushing the Limits of Wetsuit Tech for Men & Women

Oct 3, 2022

How Much Would You Pay For A Session Like This?

A cost-per-vision breakdown of Kian Martin and Tai Buddha's latest strike mission.

Oct 2, 2022

Ongoing Dialogue: Jack Freestone And Album’s Matt Parker On How They Get Sparks To Fly

"Nowadays, a standard thruster feels pretty alt to me." -Jack

Oct 2, 2022

Davo’s Death Strikes At Surfing’s Core

The underground icon battled demons til the end. His untimely demise is yet another cautionary…

Oct 1, 2022

Macaroni in the Pot

Jaleesa Vincent and 200 Lefts in the Mentawais

Oct 1, 2022

Introducing A Brand New Travel Series (With A Familiar Name)

Watch the first New York episode of Stab & Red Bull's No Contest Off Tour.

Sep 30, 2022

Leandro Dora: Pro Surfer, Businessman, Punk Rock Festival Organizer, Spiritual Mentor, And World Title Winning Surf Coach 

Meet one of the most beloved and effective individuals in the athlete's zone.

Sep 29, 2022

12:31

You’re Gonna Click On A New Oscar Langburne Video

Style that can't be denied.

Sep 29, 2022

Long Read: An Angel At My Table

From Stab Issue 15, October 2006: Chris Davidson has one more shot at the big…

Sep 28, 2022

5:07

Watch: Kalani David’s Last Dance

A final surf part from the Hawaiian surf/skate prodigy.

Sep 28, 2022

Taylor Steele Won’t Let Surf Filmmaking Die Without a Fight

Movies shown, filmmaking advice, punk rock at the 2022 Solento Surf Festival.

Sep 28, 2022

Wait, Are We Going To See Moana Jones In The Olympics At Teahupo’o?

Team USA (women) and Japan (men) should be able to choose anyone they want to…

Sep 27, 2022

Donald Brink and Matt Biolos Win Mick Fanning’s Electric Acid Surfboard Test

And we had a party in Oceanside to celebrate.

Sep 26, 2022

Kanoa Igarashi and Kirra Pinkerton Answer Call Of Duty, Win Medals Of Honor In 2022 ISA World Games

Teams Japan, USA, and France move into Victor’s Village.

Sep 26, 2022

The Best Euro Surf Trips That Mightn’t Be On Your Radar

Want to know which less-trodden nation offers the most potential?

Sep 26, 2022

Former CT Surfer Chris Davidson Passes Away At Age 45

A radical life tragically ends outside a bar in New South Wales.

Sep 25, 2022
Advertisement