Julian Wilson, Jack Robinson, And Mikey Wright Paddle Out To A Bar…

Competitive surfing returns this weekend with the WSL’s Cabal at Cabarita. 

The Cabal is the first event of the Australian Grand Slam, in which we’ll see the underworld’s most prolific talents wiggle their bums for our perverse gratification.

Just how perverse are we talking? That’s a question for the Tweed Coast Pro’s contest director, Renato Hickel.

“Although it’s been changing in size and direction, [the swell] has stayed relatively true for this coming weekend and indicates we should have what we need to run a successful, exciting and entertaining event. Over Sunday and Monday, we will see Australia’s best surfers have all the opportunity they need to display some incredible surfing in great waves at Cabarita Beach.” 

That’s a lot words, so we also asked Stab CUSP co-host and Cabarita-adjacent resident, Stage Galbraith, for his thoughts on the forecast.

“Half decent, fun beach break.”

We’ll take it!  

Everybody loves Caba. But no one surfs it like the true local, Chip. Photo: Andrew Shield

 
You’re probably wondering who’s in the big show, and what exactly they’re surfing for. 

The women’s heat draw looks like this:

Heat 1: Isabella Nichols, Macy Callaghan, Philippa Anderson
Heat 2: Stephanie Gilmore, Zahli Kelly, Tweed Coast Wildcard (TBC)
Heat 3: Sally Fitzgibbons, Tyler Wright, Molly Picklum
Heat 4: Nikki van Dijk, Keely Andrew, Holly Wawn

And the men’s like this:

Heat 1: Wade Carmichael, Adrian Buchan, Conor O’Leary
Heat 2: Owen Wright, Ethan Ewing, Tweed Coast Wildcard (TBC)
Heat 3: Julian Wilson, Jack Robinson, Mikey Wright 
Heat 4: Ryan Callinan, Mathew McGilivray, Morgan Cibilic

You might have become slightly aroused by men’s heat three. Don’t be ashamed, it’s totally natural. Julian, Jack, and Mikey all in one heat? Who’s not gonna be “alert” for that virile trio?

Speaking of the heat draw, it would be a crime against humanity if the WSL doesn’t make Chippa Wilson the “Tweed Coast Wildcard”. Who could possibly deserve it more than Christopher? And if you say, “the person who wins the trials” or some other dumb shit like that, you’re off the guest list. To everything we do. Ever. 

Chip says he doesn’t compete. Fine. Let him “freesurf” off the corner of the event and secretly score his waves. See how he goes.

Day 1 of competition is likely to be called on at 7:00 a.m. AEST on Sunday, September 13. For those watching internationally, the likely starting times are as follows; 2:00 p.m. PDT, 5:00 p.m. EDT, 6:00 p.m. BRT and 11:00 p.m. CEST. 

The format of the event is not currently known. 

Beyond the Cabal, the Australian Grand Slam will also feature an event on the Gold Coast (The Saddle-up Straddie Pro) and another in Margaret River (Brawl at the Box, Grapple in Gracetown, etc). Travel restrictions permitting, the 22 non-wildcard surfers from the Cabal will also compete in QLD and WA, and the male and female who win the overall series will each have $20k AUD rerouted to a charity of their choice, in their name. 

Fingers crossed they donate it to whoever’s making the goddamn vaccine*. 

*This sentence was sponsored by Bill Gates.