Billabong Teased Us Hard On Instagram And All We Got Are These Stinking Boardshorts

“Introducing …”

For the better part of a day, a Billabong post promising an exciting announcement has floated on the Instagram ether. The minute-and-a-half video that accompanies the cliff-hanging text shows Jack Freestone, Occy, Creed McTaggart, Shane and Jackson Dorian, a wine-sipping Parko and Monica, Griffin Colapinto’s dad, Vaughn Blakey and a few other randoms all feigning excitement, surprise and astonishment.

But what was the announcement going to be? The suspense was killing us!

On a group thread among the writers, pundits, and punters here at Stab we speculated…

Was the big news going to be John John Florence had joined the squad? After all, only a surfer knows the feeling.

Or was Rob Machado going to be the face of their new recyclables program?

Or had they built their own wave pool or resurrected the sea plane? 

And then the news dropped…

“Your favorite boardshorts, your way. Introducing Billabong Custom D’Bah Boardshorts – now available in the US + Australia.”

We felt like the kid in the movie “The Christmas Story” that was hoping and praying for a Red Rider Bee Bee gun, but instead ended up with an oversized pink bunny suit. 

A product launch? All this energy and anticipation into a product launch? Billabong’s bait and switch clearly worked…because here we are reporting on it.

So, John John’s not on Billabong…as far as we know. And, if you’ve always wanted a custom pair of boardshorts, you now know where to go.