Zeke Investigates Mid Year Cut — “Exposes The WSL”

You might hate Jacob “Zeke” Szekely. You might have an untoward affection for the guy.

Either way, this video is going to make you feel a range of emotions on the spectrum between teary-eyed laughter and spine-tingling cringe.

Zeke’s patented aggrandizing melee of compliments and incisive questions is surprisingly effective here — gifting the viewer a variety of off-kilter insights from the Margaret River event site. His conversations often begin with affirmations such as “You’re the man,” and end with unpredictable inquisitions such as, “do you have tons of sex before your heats?”

It must be terribly difficult to keep a clear head while negotiating the onslaught of encouraging interrogation — though the CT athletes seem to have taken more of a liking to Zeke since his Pipeline video.

Highlights include Kaipo in a hardhat, Jacko Baker telling the WSL to “get fucked”, and Connor O’Leary getting real in a striking interview.

“They took Cloudbreak off tour. Spewing,” Connor contemplates. “Now we’ve just got some shit fat rights. Fuck these fat rights. We need a performance left.”

Has Zeke’s unabashedness set him up to be the greatest surf journalist of our time? Should I be worried about my job?

Also, does Kolohe’s beard make his voice 10 octaves deeper?

Zeke says he’ll be asking more questions at Finals Day. We’re — uncomfortably — looking forward to it.