This Is What Would Happen If Black's Beach Ate Liver King Steroids And Took Ice Baths - Stab Mag
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Jordy Collins. Lots of rubber on him, lots of water above him, and lots of big fish below him. Frame: Cameron Vurbeff

This Is What Would Happen If Black’s Beach Ate Liver King Steroids And Took Ice Baths

A pumping six-minute postcard from the Pacific Northwest.

elsewhere // Dec 21, 2022
Words by Christian Bowcutt
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The last time we heard the name “Jordy Collins” was over two years ago — when Stab interviewed him before he vanished to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in landlocked Missouri.

“When I first got back my body was destroyed.” Jordy said of his aquatic comeback. “My ribs were shot. I couldn’t land an air because my knees were blowing out. So I knew I could hack the system by jumping off a ski and just standing in some barrels. [laughs]”

So he set off with fellow system hackers Kieran Anderson and Cameron Vurbeff to a destination far north of the norm. Kieran and Jordy took turns surfing and driving the ski while Cameron snuck into the backyards of abandoned vacation homes to get a proper camera angle. But the mainframe proved to be more difficult to hack than they imagined.

The first puzzle piece was having to practice a little diplomacy to be able to drive a ski, surf, and film it all in a such a notoriously localized area. “Luckily, Kieran is pretty dialed in with the locals up there.” Jordy said. “We spoke to a few of them when we arrived and they were friendly. They said we were welcome to film but to just be careful.” The word “careful” is a loaded term in the quixotic world of Wild West surf politics.

Kieran loading up the mechanic steed. Jordy loading up the courage to take a twin fin out there. Photo: Cameron Vurbeff

The second obstacle was figuring out the spot. “The water is frigid and the waves were really solid. But the real reason you won’t see people out in the clips is that many ski-teams were surfing a nearby spot that I will not name. We wanted barrels though and struggled at first to get it dialed with the current and lack of a defined sandbar.”

The third challenge was related to a big fish. “The locals told us that it’s as sharky as it gets right now. A river empties into this spot and there was a Salmon run going on. The sharks were apparently hanging out there.” Jordy said. “Our first session there, I caught a wave and was paddling back out and something big splashed next to me. I saw the big, upright fin poke out of the water and I sprint paddled to the ski. It had been hunting me.”

Jordy continued. “We had just started surfing and the waves were getting really good. We just decided we wouldn’t fall [laughs]. We’d catch a wave and then hop to our bellies and ride into two feet of water to get picked up by the ski to not risk another shark run-in”

But after some perseverance (two years of knocking doors as a missionary will teach you that) and some “really close jet ski rescues”, the three-piece squadron bagged a myriad of clips well worthy of six minutes of your life. There are barrels, turns, and even a cheeky air. But mostly barrels. Scary, large, freezing barrels.

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