Stab Magazine | 5 Things I’ll Probably Impulse Buy

Now Playing... Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 4

171 Views

5 Things I’ll Probably Impulse Buy

The next time I’m near a computer and have had too much to drink.

style // Jun 7, 2017
Words by Kevin Jansen
Reading Time: 3 minutes

1. Sea Sick Surf Shark Repellent Booties €65 or $73.14 USD
Sometimes you go down the online rabbit hole and end up uncovering things you weren’t aware of. Like, I just found out they surf in Holland. They even have surf shops. I don’t think they have sharks in Holland. At least not any that you need to worry about. But, that didn’t stop Dutch surf shop, Sea Sick Surf, from making possibly the most useful piece of shark repellent equipment on the market to date.

*

Deer Decoy

The best pets you don’t have to feed.

2. Flambeau Boss Buck Deer Decoy $159.99
For some time I’ve wanted to go on a surf trip to Canada. Ever since I saw Raph Bruhwiler’s Innersection part in which he gets barreled then goes hunting and shoots a deer. Because of that, now I’m stuck with the idea that a Canada surf trip is incomplete without a hunt. This is my first attempt at piecing together my kit for hunting. Even if I never go on that trip I’ll have a pet deer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhr0OdslLoI

*

Screen Shot 2017 06 06 at 13.04.44 PM

Good for seal impressions in Southern California.

3. DaFin Fins $65.95
I think I would enjoy surfing more if I became one with the sea. And try to have a spiritual experience that Dave Rastovich would be proud of. Bodysurfing will probably help with that, I guess. And sometimes you just need a reason to go to the beach and float around in the ocean.

 

Kodak Waterproof Camera

An easy way to keep your nudes off the internet.

4. Kodak Water Proof Disposable Camera $9.99
Remember how much fun you used to have trading off with friends trying to get the best photos possible of each other’s surfing? There was nowhere online to post it. It only existed to the people you knew in real life. Which at 12 years old is not many. It’s a stark contrast to the overly edited, crisp photos that flood the internet now. These photos are full of flaws and the camera’s cheap, kind of like my life.

 *

Still Filthy DVD

Where’d Sterling Spencer go?

5. Still Filthy Surf Movie $29.95
Do you ever drink then get emotional about something you remember? That’s what happened when I pulled my Still Filthy DVD from the shelf a few beers past gone. It’s the first surf movie I owned as a kid (I’m not that old). Andy Irons and Shane Dorian had parts that made me come to terms with the fact that I would never have a career as a pro surfer. There is one turn during Andy’s part where he does a roundhouse and as he cuts back the board slides sideways before catching and hitting the white water. Part of me didn’t want to watch the movie again for fear of my childhood memory being crushed if that turn isn’t everything I remembered.

p.s. I did. And, it was (the turn is at 2:40).

https://www.youtube.com/embed/OMoQXwlXLlc

*

BONUS: R Kelly Pee In Your Wetsuit Stickers $priceless
I’m not sure if you can buy these, but it’s worth sending The Surf Cult a direct message and asking for some. I did, they sent them. Plus, don’t you want people to know that you’re in tune with surfing and the dark side of pop culture?

 

Surf Cult Sticker

“Your legs in the air, my hands all off up in your cookie jar.” – R. Kelly

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

UNLOCKED: We Collaborated With The Winner Of “Best Wetsuits 2025”

Introducing the "432" — a Stab x FERAL Wetsuits lovechild.

Feb 24, 2025

WSL Lifts Vasco Ribeiro’s Drug Suspension To Compete In Pumping Morocco QS — But ISA Says No

The Portuguese surfer stays in recess until July 2026.

Feb 23, 2025

The Pirate-Mouthed Princess And Most Barrelled Man Of 2024 Talk Natural Selection Surf

Milla Coco Brown and Soli Bailey on pig hunting, private jets, and the fables of…

Feb 23, 2025

Mateus Herdy On Late Nights In Abu Dhabi, His Sponsorship Status & Italo’s Secret Wink ;)

The Stab Interview with a surfer who should definitely be on tour.

Feb 22, 2025

Finals Day: A Critical Dissection Of Natural Selection Surf

Soli Bailey and Milla Coco Brown win big, but was it worth the hype?

Feb 21, 2025

Ferrari Boyz: Jake Kelley

The S.U.R.F. winner and Chapter 11 TV co-chair gives us a tour of his "normal-ass…

Feb 21, 2025

Lee Wilson On The ‘Demonic’ Double Grab, Robohorse, And His New Anti-Surf Brand EFWUN

"You don’t spend your whole life in the ocean, so why insist on making everything…

Feb 20, 2025

The Second Reef Effect

Surfing's ultimate cheat code, or a feathering chameleon with fangs?

Feb 19, 2025

“It’s Sucking Like Teahupo’o And Running Like Kirra. It’s Fucking Scary Out There.”

Natural Selection Surf enters the chat in Micronesia.

Feb 19, 2025

Doug Silva’s Abu Dhabi Debrief: Car Crashes, Aura Rankings + Italo’s Army of Masseuses

"Honestly, the women surfed better than the men."

Feb 18, 2025

“My Vertebrae Exploded — It Was The Most Intense Pain I’ve Ever Felt. It Was Like Torture”

Pipeline’s body count: one week, two shattered spines, and Mason Ho’s crimson skull.

Feb 17, 2025

Empty Set: Why Does It Take Two Months To Get A Custom Surfboard? 

Huff some resin and let Britt Merrick explain. 

Feb 17, 2025

Short Kings (And Queens) Dominate In Abu Dhabi, While Localized Sandstorm Forces Contentious Re-Surf

Italo Ferreira and Caity Simmers emerge victorious in the UAE, will wear yellow into Portugal.

Feb 16, 2025

The Unlikely Origins of Rob Machado’s Shaping Career

How a stolen board and a wildcard snub may have sparked a revolution in alternative…

Feb 15, 2025

Rookies Rise As Former Winners Are Culled From The Conveyor Belt Of Effort

Day 2 Abu Dhabi recap.

Feb 15, 2025

Filipe Toledo Busts Fins On A WSL Photographer’s Camera Lens — Does Not Get The Shot

Thiago Diz narrowly escapes capital punishment in the UAE.

Feb 15, 2025

Formal Request To CT Surfers: Stop Trying To Get Tubed

Dissecting pro surfing's first 192 waves in Abu Dhabi.

Feb 14, 2025

Stab Highway East Coast (USA) Presented By Monster Energy, Episode 4

Nude tubes, barehand fishing, biscuits, porn, Grave Digger, and one team's elimination.

Feb 14, 2025
Advertisement