Stab Magazine | A Degenerate's Guide To Surf Travel
326 Views

A Degenerate’s Guide To Surf Travel

The hottest tips this side of an AA meeting.

travel // Mar 22, 2018
Words by Brendan Buckley
Reading Time: 3 minutes

There’s this place in the Maldives. A luxury resort in the shadows of palm trees. It’s surrounded by white sand, and by water so blue it defies imagination. In the rooms, silk bedding melts into soft mattresses and the AC will make you forget about the sun. All the cocktails are made with fresh juice. World class surf is only a few minutes away. Yes, there’s a boat.

I will never see this place. Why? Because I’m not rich but more so a functioning degenerate. One that has found his way to some fine corners of the globe.

I’ve routinely saved up enough money to not have enough money and shoot missiles at my credit. (Hot tip: with bad credit, you can never buy a house and if you never buy a house that means you don’t ever have to renovate the kitchen.) And now, both my passport and monthly statement stand equally as decorated.

Maybe you can relate. Or maybe you can’t, and you’re reading this from a nest of melty silk. Either way, below you’ll find a collection of hot tips I’ve picked up through years on the road.

Flights
Don’t be afraid to save a hundred dollars and mix in a 17-hour layover here and there. When your circadian clock ain’t ticking right, you’re legally allowed to consume reckless amounts of alcohol at any point in the day. The layover will enable you to experience places you’d never see otherwise, the booze will make it interesting – I once went to a water park alone in Hong Kong.

Accommodation
Barter. Always. Now, there are two forms of bartering. 1. Being a dickhead. 2. Not. Haggle with purpose and always offer something in return for a discounted rate. Maybe it’s yard work. Maybe it’s taking some photos for their site. The great Willian Cardoso once said the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Be the squeak and the grease, then wheel yourself on down to the local wagering house and invest all your savings on a wild and unchecked bet on a sport you know nothing about.

Food
If it’s good enough for Guatemalan livestock then it’s good enough for you. Eat at places with dirt on the floor, places that don’t have menus, places that don’t have sinks. If you get food poisoning, that just means your body will be tougher and you’ll be better prepared for the next time you get food poisoning.

Luggage
I’ve never understood why some people pack full check-in bags for a week somewhere tropical. You’re not going to fashion week. The best you’re gonna do is a strip club where it’s culturally inappropriate to not get a hand job. Pack light, except for boards.

Boards
Toss out the idea of a one board quiver. Then fuck it straight to hell, where it can go hang out with tow surfing and that mid-year cut-off thing from a few years back. Travelling with a surfboard is a pain in the ass, but travelling with multiple surfboards is only a slightly bigger pain in the ass. Fly with an airline that charges by bag and bring the right tools. Plus if money gets tight, you can sell one to some dude from Norway who has been butchering the chords of a shitty Bob Marley song in the common area of a hostel for the last seventeen years.

Kindness
Remember: just because you’re low on cash and moral compass that doesn’t mean you have to be a dick. Remember to treat yourself. The great Alex Ribiero once said dream big. Maybe your big dream is to be the guy who hasn’t had a wink of sleep getting spit out of a tube while some zinc-faced dorks fiddle with their GoPros on the beach at dawn’s early light. Be kind to people. Help those in need. When you have something to offer, offer it. I don’t believe in karma, but I do believe in the magic of both kindness and cheap whisky and it really is something when you combine the two.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

2:14

Kelly and Local Gal to Win Teahupo’o?

Local insights and a firing forecast.

Aug 13, 2022

These Are Your Favorite (Male) Surfers

Insights from the 2022 Stab Reader survey.

Aug 13, 2022

16:04

Fear And Loathing in Mainland Mex

Parker Coffin, Harry Roach, and the Roark crew embark on an authentic Oaxacan (surf) trip.

Aug 13, 2022

Tahiti Preview: The End Of The Road For 72% Of The CT

And hello there, blob of swell.

Aug 12, 2022

3:24

While Everyone Flocked To Tahiti, Kelly Stayed in Jbay

...And proceeded to rip the hell out of it on a "borrowed" 5-finned Tomo.

Aug 11, 2022

1:38

Can A GQ Cover Boy Take Out Teahupo’o?

Kauli Vaast is your incredibly handsome Tahiti trials winner.

Aug 11, 2022

Watch: Ramble On With Caity Simmers 

An action-rich tour behind the scenes of her triumphant first voyage to Oz.

Aug 11, 2022

PSA: Surf Filmers Not Welcome In Nicaragua

Cameras and drones are being seized on arrival, Stab spoke with two recent visitors.

Aug 11, 2022

Inside The Alternative Surfboard Marketing Machine 

Two of the biz's best — Matt Parker and Blake Peters — spill many beans.

Aug 10, 2022

The Tragic Parallels Between The Murder Of Ricardo Dos Santos & 8x World Jiu Jitsu Champion Leandro Lo

Two Brazilian sporting icons killed brazenly by off-duty police officers.

Aug 9, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: In The Belly Of The Beast

Finger flips, shaping with Zion Wright, slurpees, Hawaiian takeovers, and the king of Surfline rewinds.

Aug 8, 2022

Albee Layer Discusses His Not-So-Budding Acting Career And The Upcoming Film “Sweet Adventure”

"Matt and Nora were tripping a little harder than I was just because they weren't…

Aug 8, 2022

Zeke Lau & Bettylou Sakura Johnson Win The Vans US Open Of Surfing 

Hawaii dominates HB.

Aug 8, 2022

How A Former CT Surfer Gets “Absolute Beginners” Barreled In A Matter Of Months

Luke Stedman elaborates on his Blackball surf programs.

Aug 7, 2022

5:50

Sweeter Than Stolen Honey 

A versatile Haydenshapes x Dylan Graves HP (and soft board) tested in weird waves.

Aug 7, 2022

15-Year-Old Ladybird Erin Brooks Makes Final In All-Men’s Tuberiding Event

And Clay Marzo takes the dub.

Aug 6, 2022

Are We Looking At Reef Sculpting The Wrong Way? 

The pros, cons, possibilities, and mechanisms of changing reefs to suit our surfing desires.

Aug 6, 2022

The Gudang Trio Discusses Brotherhood And How To Make It To The Mountain Top Together  

Positive sibling vibrations we should all aspire to.

Aug 6, 2022
Advertisement