My 10 Biggest Mistakes, with Noa Deane

From Stab issue 66: My 10 Biggest Mistakes, with Noa Deane, 18, Gold Coast

1. Pretending I got skills: I was in South Oz and I was taking the spare tyre off the back of our four-wheel-drive. We’d hit a nail or something and needed to change the tyre. The spare sits about two feet off the ground and I thought I was a fucking mechanic. I thought I was ripping, pulled it off the back and it dropped on the ground, it bounced, came back up and clobbered me in the chin. I was with Dion Atkinson and some other guys, but no one saw it so I sucked it up. I wheeled the tyre over them feeling like a piece of cardboard. I got so pumped. I thought I’d broken my teeth and I just had to play it cool like nothing had happened.

2. Avoiding jumping out of a plane: Someone bought me a sky-diving ticket and, it’s probably a mistake that I didn’t do it, but I’m glad I didn’t.

3. Hitting ramps hot: When I was 10, I tried to hit this bike jump on my pushie. I went down this big hill, sped around this corner and got this huge run-up. And as soon as I hit it, the bike stopped dead and I went straight over the hangers. Did a full-on front flip. I got so pumped. It was the tiniest little jump but I was just going so fast. Beforehand, I’d thought, “If I can do this jump going slow then if I can do it going fast I’m gonna get so much air.” It’s funny how you rationalise things like that when you’re a kid. I got so launched.

4. Bedroom boogies: One night I went out in Cooly when the Quiky Pro was on. I came home and was wasted, bodyboarding on my bed. Like, rolling around doing barrel rolls and stuff. My friend Darcy Ward, I didn’t realise, was filming me. Then the next day I saw them on SnapChat. I was fulling riding this pink boogieboard, going “Yeah!” doing inverts. He sent it to everyone. I think he might even have Instagramed it.

5. Christ airs: This one is so stupid. When I was young, there was this little garden thing with a bunch of big rocks at my school. Not sure why, but I strolled into school one day thinking I was Spiderman. For some reason unbeknownst to me, I ran at this rock and thought I could do this big Christ Air dive-to-late-flip off the rock. Like in the movies, a massive Christ Air and land perfectly into a roll in the dirt. But it didn’t go to plan. I dived and landed straight on my head. And I know people say that, but this was like, on my head. It’s the dumbest thing you could ever do and I did it. I might even have had a cape on. I had to get taken home from school and hang out with my grandma for the day. She was an artist so I got to just paint with her. Some real crap paintings ‘cause I was eight. I was pretty buckled though. That’s why I’m probably weird to this day. Trying to be Spiderman, swan diving off a rock.

Rarely does Noa falter. Here we see his clean-limbed teenage style throwing giant handfuls of water in the north coast town of Ballina, a short-ish drive from Noa’s three-storey home on Kirra Hill. A significant though not big, east swell, north winds, all the ingredients for glue and propulsion. Photo by Matt O’Brien.

6. Blowing it at school: Being a ratbag in my art class was a big mistake and I regret it. My teacher was so nice and she was really clued in so I could’ve learnt a lot from her. I like painting a lot now even though I don’t do it that much. If I hadn’t fucked around in that class, I’d be better at it. Same thing with the sculptures. I used to hate how the clay felt on my hands. I hated the feeling and that’s why I didn’t do it. Now I’m kicking myself ‘cause I really like that. I used to do stupid shit like throw paint around. Wasting heaps of paint putting really thick coats on canvas. I used to throw paint in the cupboard to make it look like a paintball gun had been in there. Just. The. Stupidest. Shit. I sabotaged myself and I could’ve learnt so much! As soon as I worked out I blew it, I was like, “Ok, next year.” And I ended up with this douche teacher. One of those teachers that’d say stuff like, “I’ll take your surfboard off you if you’re not good.” Ridiculous.

7. Trying to get rad: Starting to try nose-pick air-reverses like those ones Kerrzy does where you pivot the nose in. I tried one and nearly made and thought, “That was sick!” So the next day I tried another one and buckled my knee. The doctor said I must’ve twisted and squatted at the same time. I ripped the meniscus and slid it under my knee joint so my knee and it was stuck bent. I was stretching it for a week thinking it was gonna get better. And it wasn’t getting better. I couldn’t walk for three weeks. And then… seven months later. That was the shittest seven months. I was 16 and I ruined it. I flat out spent seven months playing X-Box on the couch. I turned into the weirdest person.

8. Sleeping in bars: I went to Twinnies (Twin Towns RSL) this one night, I think it was Good Friday, and I thought I’d just go have one beer. I went and had a beer and one of my friends turned up with one of his friends. My friend’s friend was from somewhere else so it turned into a few more beers. I ended up really drunk. Next thing I knew, I was in a cab headed for Surfers (Paradise). I was wasted so I got dragged along. I was too wasted to be out. I got there and puked and I passed out in this place. The bouncer prodded me and I woke up, all like, “I’ll be good!” Then I fell asleep again and he’s like, “You’re out mate.” I just said, “fair enough,” and walked out and got a taxi. Falling asleep in a club is the worst thing. I was fully out, sitting on this couch, taking up the whole thing. Apparently the second time around the bouncer nudged me and nothing happened so he started rocking me to make sure I was alive.

9. Getting liquored some more: Another drunk mistake was when I went to this trivia night at the Sands Hotel on a Tuesday night. I skated down and had a beer. Saw some friends down there, one thing led to another, next thing I knew I was wheeling myself home on my skateboard on my knees. I went to my girlfriend’s house on the way home and ate this chilli curry. There was no way that was staying down. What was I thinking? So I spewed at her house, made the biggest fool of myself and headed for home. When I got home I fell asleep on the stairs. I didn’t even realise but someone told me the next morning they found me on the stairs, woke me up and put me in bed. I woke up with shredded up hands from wheeling myself on my skateboard, sore ribs from spewing and a crook back from sleeping on the stairs.

10. Film cameras: I went to Japan and took this stupid-ass camera. I shot a lot of rolls of film through it, banked on them all working and not one of them worked. I fucking wish I didn’t take that camera. Ten rolls of film, ruined. As soon as I rewound them, the sprocket thing would chew all the film up. That made me pissed off for a straight week. That’s a massive one. I was really gutted. It wasn’t just normal shit – it’s Japan. I’d gone out on a limb and taken photos that I wouldn’t normally take. One guy was semi trying to fight me ‘cause I took a photo of him. I had to run. I took so many chances, snapped so many people right up in their faces, with flash, which I wouldn’t normally do and not one of them turned out.

You can now get Stab issue 66 in digital form, right here.