Gossip Girl: Joel Parko Splash Party, Kirra-less Comps And The Iggy Pop Back Ups

Somewhere between rain squalls, double rainbows, blistering sun and soon to be blister sunburns, on the shoreline of Snapper Rocks, rumours, and one case of aggravated sea-salt have pinged into Stab’s “Overheard Gold Coast”.

Here’s (almost) everything you didn’t hear on the WSL webcast…

The Joel Parko Splash Party

This morning in the middle of Snapper Right Shit Fight 2018, Adriano de Souza burned another surfer, a non-competitor as he prepared for competition. A drop-in at Snapper is essentially the only surfing that occurs at Snapper – it’s not uncommon to watch three to twelve high-performance enthusiasts battle it out for an un-open face, only to be snaked by someone on a finless soft top as they drift into Rainbow Bay.

Following the ADS burn, a geared-up Snapping Turtle paddled over to Joel Parko and allegedly told him to “keep his boys in check.” To which, Parko proceeded to splash water in the Snapper’s face. The local then allegedly smacked Joel in the back of his head. From that point, the “fight” dissipated; as in the suable times of today, rarely do people actually take it to the beach. And nor should they, surfing is a bunch of adults playing on floatation devices in the ocean – it’s devoid of meaning.

The world is changing fast and every man and his iPhone is a potential lawsuit. Which means you need to be careful especially when you’re a multi-millionaire. Which means Joel handed himself like a gentleman and paddled off. Remember the social media furore when Joel had a run-in with Portuguese bodyboarder?  

Even if Kirra looks like this Thursday, there won’t be any WSL scored rides going down.

Photography

Juan Medina

Hola Kirra, is that you? No, it’s not.

Is a Quiksilver Pro at Kirra anything but lip service? Pretty much. You’ve heard about the swell approaching on the backend of the fizzling of Cyclone Hola. There’s a decent-sized cyclone swell slowly but surely rising throughout the night, however, it’s a ENE swell and the ideal direction for Snapper is east with a little pinch of southerly in the mix. 

As far as quality waves are concerned, there’s little chance Snapper will be as good as Kirra over the next 72 hours or so, but we’ve now realised the harsh reality that a Kirra Quiksilver/Roxy Pro is not only improbable, it’s borderline impossible. Theoretically and permit-wise the competition could kick off at Kirra first thing, but when the practicalities are considered, this will not be the case.

The WSL scaffolding erected at Snapper is two stories high and at least 50 metres wide, along with the additional outside broadcast truck, the competitors area and judges’ tower. Yes, those who build the structures do so at an indescribable pace, but as of 8:30pm tonight there’s no movement at Snapper and there will not be any throughout the night.

Plus, there’s really nowhere to set the event up with the Commonwealth Games volleyball court set up at the Big Groyne at Kirra.

Regardless of how perfect, hollow and idyllic the conditions are at Kirra the next few days, there’s little chance the competition will be relocated. By definition, the Quiksilver and Roxy Pro are “mobile” but when you shift a world tour event back for a better swell window – good call, btw! – it’s hard to reschedule a peculiar Poor Man’s Olympics*.

*Gold Coast City Council won the bid for the Commonwealth Games back in 2011.

Iggy and the back ups.

Photography

Sam Moody

 Iggy Pop’s Back Up Band

As you’ve heard – an innumerable number of times – Wash played the Billabong Pipeline house with Iggy Pop. And, as you have also heard, it was a fine evening.

While it may have seemed as if Creed, Ellis and Beau were well rehearsed for the Iggy onslaught, in reality they were anything but. In fact, they didn’t know that was going down until Sir Pop slid upon the stage in his Gucci slides.

If you played a set with Iggy and you butchered it you would be elated, but the Wash boys obliterated it. To such an extent Ellis and the boys literally joked about never playing again. You may as well leave it on a high note. Well how is this relevant to the Quik Pro you may ponder.

Tonight, sometime around sundown the post-punk-rock-shoegaze-noise contingent strolled around the venue this afternoon and are currently playing the WSL’s event – we may even stroll on over and jump the event, considering we’re not invited.

It looks as if the Wash boys decided they can strive higher than Mr Iggs and have now reached to the upper echelons of the music sphere to play for the World Surf League. Not bad for a bunch of anti-establishment Indie shredders.