Comments Of The Week, Edition 57

Woman Attacked By A Shark In Newport Beach, Yesterday

10. “Feminists are demanding answers. ‘Why this attack did not occur to a man?'”

– Axel Foley, unconcerned with PC-ness. (16 upvotes)

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Here’s Why Bruce Irons, Taj Burrow And Joel Parko Surfed The QS 1000 The CT Wish It Ran

9. “Fuck. I think I could even fit my barge arse inside some of those.”

– Clive Palmer, self-aware. (7 upvotes)

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Gabriel Medina’s Title Run Heats Up; John Florence To Start His Reign

8. “My calls for Fiji:
-Turpel will call the the exact same turn 6 different words
-Turpel will call chest high waves “Epic conditions here at Cloudbreak”
-Turpel will annoy me
-Most the contest will run in shit conditions before getting big on the final day of the window
-Cavy will call me a fag at least 3 times
-Taj’s going away party will feed some Fijian coke dealer’s family for the next 10 years”

– david f, not watching his first webcast. (28 upvotes)

“David is looking for something big down the line. Pottz, what do you reckon?”

– Joe Turpentine, stirring david f’s pot. (14 upvotes)

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Kanoa Igarashi Challenges Keanu Asing To A Fight

7. “The 80-90’s tour guys would hold a UFC fight just to get the bucket of Coronas that went untouched with these guys.”

– Trashapple, nostalgic. (6 upvotes)

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The Gentlemen’s Guide To Regenerating Lost Brain Cells With Koa Smith

6. “5 minutes of absolute fucking garbage, eat goji berries and acai all week and then see how many bags of ketamine I can snort at Coachella on the weekend.”

– Noa’s last dart, not one for double standards. (26 upvotes)

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Shane Dorian’s Philosophy To Fatherhood Is How You Wish You Were Raised

5. “I wonder if for punishment Jackson has to sit in the corner and watch In God’s Hands?”

– dontneednochokebrain, pondering the deep stuff. (16 upvotes)

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Taj Burrow’s Celebratory Barber Shop!

4. “Mikey wright is furious due to copyright issues.”

– HIV-, well spotted. (29 upvotes)

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A Craft Brewery Named Desire

(Stab staff pick, since obviously iHusky wouldn’t pick himself…)

3. “I invest in beer week in, week out. And all it’s paid me in, is kidney disease.”

– iHusky, real talk. (12 upvotes)

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The Modom Shark Deterrent Leash Is Finally Here

2. “Hey civilians, fellow surfer here just wondering if this is the same modom as the one I’ve got for my internet at home?”

– Melroy bergstein, just… brilliant. (29 upvotes)

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Nev Hyman Wins Good Design Award For Cyclone-Proof Modular Homes

1. “This Hyman’s design looks impenetrable.”

– Michael Newman, tastefully crude. (23 upvotes)