Are You Supposed To Watch The QS

It has been said that watching the WSL’s World Qualifying Series is similar to purchasing a fifth of cheap whiskey on a Tuesday when it’s raining and you should be at work but you go to a horseracing track instead because you have a good feeling about a beautiful thoroughbred named Phantom Pete in the seventh race.

No deep connection there. It’s just that both are questionable investments of time.

Did you know there’s a QS on right now? It’s the renowned Ichinomiya Chiba Open. I’d want to immediately click out of this article and punch someone’s face if I read that sentence too, but let’s hear it out for a second. Here’s a list of some of the surfers in the event:

Mason Ho, Mikey Wright, Yadin Nicol, Jack Robinson, Parker Coffin, Louie Hynd, Adriano de Souza, Yago Dora, Brett Simpson, Carlos Munoz, Ethan Ewing, Griffin Colapinto, Mitch Coleborn, Kanoa Igarashi, Soli Bailey, Evan Geiselman, Leonardo Fioravanti, Frederico Morais.

A lot of talent there.

The problem with the Q is that such talent gets hidden and occasionally beaten by some real fucking cowboys. We’re talking dudes with two stickers and a hopeless fantasy. The QS is to surfers what LA is to aspiring actors and models. Reality distorts, dreams explode and failure leads to someone asking you to take off your shirt.

But still, the talent is there. A win at an event like Chiba is huge in terms of qualification. And, sometimes, worthwhile shit actually happens in heats. It begs the question: Are you supposed to watch the QS? The answer varies per individual, so I built you a guide.

How much time do you have?
A) I have been to Coachella more than three times.
B) I have normal interests and responsibilities.
C) Should probably mow the lawn later.
D) Don’t know. My Freestyle Shark watch stays on 20:00 countdown mode 24/7.

If you could add one more word to the WSL’s speed, power and flow criteria, it would be ________.
A) Style.
B) Innovation.
C) Power (twice for emphasis).
D) Tenacity.

What is the best surf movie of all time?
A) Noa Deane saying “Fuck the WSL”
B) Anything by Kai Neville.
C) Anything not by Kai Neville.
D) Day 3 highlights from the 2014 Buffalo City Surf Pro at Nahoon Reef.

Which is the most impactful human creation?
A) Internet.
B) Fire.
C) Thrusters.
D) Four-man priority.

Why didn’t Dane win a World Title?
A) He got in his own head too much.
B) His surfing didn’t suit competition.
C) He wasn’t good enough.
D) The Art of War is an ancient Chinese military text from the 5th century BC. Written by Chinese strategist Sun” Master Sun” Tzu, each of the text’s 13 chapters are devoted to a different aspect of warfare.

Give yourself one point for every A) Answer, two points for every B) Answer, three points for every C) Answer and four points for every D) Answer. Double your score if you follow any of these people on Instagram: Thiago Guimaraes, Wade Glasscock, Drew Courtney, Dolph Lundgren. Cut your score in half if you own any of these things: single fin, twin fin, quad, fedora, decent-sized home.

½ – 5 points: Sick Prius.
6 – 14 points: You should only watch Prime events.
14-20 points: You should watch every QS.
20-40 points: You are Wade Glasscock.

That settles it. What was the horse’s name again?