Watch: ‘Ripped’, Drag’s Soft Purgatory Sequel

Are you soft brethren yet?

“Vengeance is mine, for the time where their foot shall slip” says the Soft Lord while walking inverted on water, an act in itself demanding the reverence of every hard heathen.

If ‘RIP’ was the death, funeral and eulogy of the polypropylene sword, then RIPPED is the soft purgatory.

Not quite alive, but not yet in the fiery pits where there’s weeping and gnashing of teeth either. A dystopian deep web of horizontal (and vertical) wave debauchery. Spinning deeper into the vortex of soft depravity where the wages of drag are surely death.

Well, that’s what Drag told us anyway…

How this sits with the future of surfing, and mankind in general, is uncertain, all we know is this is entertainment at it’s fucking best.

The Lord has risen. Vertically.

Chippa Wilson boning big straighties on a four foot slab of foam. Asher Pacey soft slicing the fuck out of the north; Dion Agius going soft for a day after suffering a rare bout of reported ‘erectile dysfunction’; Craig Anderson munching on a durry; Creed McTaggart getting horizontal to the chorus of a thousand curious bodyboard wielding degenerates; Zoltan Torkos, who’s still vengeful after getting ripped off in that Volcom kickflip comp back in 2011 makes soft atonement.

Even Cyclops cops a dragging.

Without question though, the highlight of this film sits at 12:16 – the niche within a niche of soft kneeling.

But what does all this mean, and will somebody please think of the children?!

Maddog: the drag caddy.

The Drag posse initially planned on burying this film in the Stoke Factory catacombs after the start of a federal investigation after the ‘Drag Street Riots’ of 2018, but now, after a flurry of near-begging text messages and fierce negotiations, we’ve cut a deal and revived it’s life for a mere 24-hours*.

You’ve read our undercover investigation into the fibreglass-less gang, seen the aftermath of their police raided premiere, now spend the next 42-minutes of your working and waking life immersed in the pure absurdity of Ripped.

Warning: RIP2 contains fleeting moments of prone riding, almost completely void of irony from the likes of James Kates, Chris James and Ryan Sewell. Proceed at your own risk.

*The longest 24-hours since the sun stood still on Gibeon. 

A real and unedited insider look at our negotiation process.