Afends vs. Ennui: An East Coast Case Study

A few years back, somewhere on the Australian East Coast, I pulled off the Pacific Highway and into a national park. Found a river that looked Photoshopped. The water sparkled like a colonic retreat brochure, birds chirped, and the forest arranged itself in tasteful gradients of green. Not a soul in sight. A gentle nudge toward inner peace. 

Nature, aye.

Then came a voice. Awkward at first — hesitant, a little twitchy, then rising with apocalyptic conviction. Russian UV weapons, burn victims from anti-COVID protests, and the divine, glorious alpha male energy of Him. 

The preacher was an older woman, flanked by two barely verbal thirty-year-old acolytes who blinked like they were still buffering. Hard to tell if they were her offspring or part of a small-town devotional ménage à trois. But their bond was clear — fused together by the belief that everything is a lie, truth is electromagnetic, and the oppressed right-wing fringe of regional Australia are getting cooked by government microwave beams.

Apparently, this isn’t rare. The Afends crew just wrapped their own East Coast pilgrimage — southbound from Byron — and crossed paths with a 72-year-old meteorological prophet. He claimed the weather was being manipulated by a machine located exactly 512 degrees north of Yamba. It caused Cyclone Alfred. And it’s gearing up for something worse.

All of which is to say: the East Coast still delivers. Sun, surf, unhinged prophecy. Choose your own adventure.

The road trip features the usual suspects from the Afends team — Taj Richmond, Jhamil Coorey, and a rotating cast of others, including freshly signed Joel Paxton  — heading south from Byron, drifting past Forster. The surfing is great, but there’s something more here. Something painfully envy inducing, a reminder that there are beautiful times to be had. Could easily double as a tourism add for German backpackers. 

A mildly agonising watch if you’re reading this from a chair. Still, well worth your time.