Stab Magazine | The New Normal: Ken "Skin Dog" Collins On Why Kooks Will Be The End Of Human Civilization

The New Normal: Ken “Skin Dog” Collins On Why Kooks Will Be The End Of Human Civilization

“Telling the whole world to stop and stay home, and then you go about doing whatever you want, guess what, you’re the problem.”

Words by stab

Santa Cruz’s Ken “Skin Dog” Collins pities the fools who aren’t on lock-down right now!

One of the most outspoken surfers in this age of coronavirus, when asked if he’d be keen to talk to Stab about his feelings regarding the virus Skindog promptly replied, “Hell yes!”

Wagging his mighty finger at anyone who paddles out in these quarantined times, Ken’s got plenty to say and doesn’t shy away from his opinion. But then anybody that’s been in the water at the Lane or Maverick’s knows he’s not afraid to express himself.

As of late, his Instagram battle with Joel Tudor continues to keep the never-ending scroll spicy. And bless him for it. Here’s The New Normal according to Skinny:

Where are you riding out the germ apocalypse? 
In Santa Cruz at my house.

Who are you quarantining with? 
With my family: wife, daughter, her boyfriend, and my son. The only rule: No one in, no one out. I told the 18-year-olds, “You’re in or you’re out.” They stayed.

What’s your take on the reaction of surfers at your local beaches?
I am blown away how many people in Sprinter vans showed up into our community on holiday. Blown away how many kids are riding around on their bikes going surfing in packs. It’s like they don’t think this “whole thing” applies to them, just everyone else.

And your take on surfers’ reaction to this at large?
I thought it was just my surf community, but holy shit, the whole global surf community thinks they are “hardcore surf rebels.” And many of these so-called “hardcore surf rebels” are riding Wavestorms, funboards and all kinds of beginner boards. They are dropping in on each other and going over the falls. It’s basically all the same kooks paddling out on kook boards and kooking out and getting in the way. They are now hardcore surf rebels. Get over yourselves. You’re not shredding. You’re not helping. You’re just kooking. I have been telling Surfline to take down their cameras for two reasons. One, not to crowd all the spots that are not closed. And two, so I don’t have to watch kooks blowing it. It’s soooooo painful!

On a personal note, what’s your average screen time from this week?
Same as my son’s video games: 2 hours a day. 

When not using a device, what have you been doing to keep your mind occupied. 
Reading, movies, porn, Tiger King and group texts with Dabois. Just joking, I don’t watch porn. Fucking group texts are on fire right now! That black gentlemen has been dong-bombing everyone!

Not sure I want to know. How you staying fit?
Prison yard workouts, hot tub three or four times a day, one nap a day, fresh @3BrosGrow product—medicine—and a few Modelos for the Boys Update! 

What are the three most essential apocalypse food requirements?
Lots of plant-based, lots of deep greens. Meats. Fruits. A whole food diet. Been on it for years. It’s the preventative medicine. 

And three inedible possessions, not counting your phone, that you couldn’t quarantine without?
The phone is needed for the Boys Updates from my group texts! Hot Tub. Stack of old surf mags.

When was the last time you surfed?
March 10th was my last surf.

If you could do this whole thing over again, where would you prefer to be quarantined and why?
I am exactly where I want to be.

Who is the last person you’d want to be quarantined with? 
Joel Tudor. 

Do you know anyone with COVID-19?  
Not yet, but once this Tidal Wave of Death closes out and washes over our community, I am sure we will know a few. Hopefully with this stiff quarantine in place there will be less. Imagine if New York just said, “Fuck it!” and did not do a quarantine and went business as usual..

First place you’re gonna go following the pandemic?
Camping and fishing. Ahh, who am I kidding, I’m going straight to work to dig myself out of not working for a couple months.

Final thoughts on these strange and chaotic times?
This is fucking unbelievable! And that is why I feel that people don’t believe it, it’s like they don’t want to wrap their head around it, and instead choose to blindly go business as usual. It’s either you believe it or not. But if you believe it, and believe we need to quarantine the whole world, guess what? You too need to partake. 

Telling the whole world to stop and stay home, and then you go about doing whatever you want, guess what, you’re the problem. One hundred percent of people infected come from someone that didn’t think was infected. Consider the possibility, there are many people that are very infective with zero symptoms, that believe they have the right to go out and do whatever fun activity they want, anywhere they want. Those are the ones spreading the virus. I wish those fuckers would go volunteer at their local food drive, hospitals or any other essential jobs, grocery stores, that is helping humans survive this pandemic. 

I have been a big-wave surfer for over 30 years and have been taking huge risks my whole life. I believe in risk management, where you weigh the risks compared to reward, then make the choice. A 50-foot closeout is not worth the risk. Surfing right now or any other fun-time activity is risking getting you or others getting sick. That sounds like a giant closeout to me. Kooks will keep kooking.


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