The Burleigh Single Fin Festival: Beers, Boobs and Bummer Waves

Last weekend, the Burleigh Boardriders Club hosted their 21st Annual Single Fin Festival. With no reporters in the area, Stab appointed Harrison Roach as our on the ground journalist/competitor. Harrison would be competing amongst the likes of Taj Burrow (who would go on to win the contest), Joel Parkinson, Mark Occhilupo, Creed McTaggart, Brent Dorrington, Asher Pacey, Mitch Crews and Kai Hing. He would also stand spectator to the first ever women’s division – which included Isabelle Nichols and was taken out by the ever talented Felicity Palmateer. Let’s hear from Harrison:

Being my first invitation to the Burleigh Single Fin Festival, I expected slotted pintails, Rabbit-esque 70’s tube trim lines… it was on the event poster and we know advertising never lies.

Alas, Huey’s a fickle bitch/bastard and seems to have momentarily forgotten their obligation to the entire South East of Queensland. So, January 6th, 2018, Burleigh Point was leaving a little to be desired and looked more akin to my home break, Noosa Main Beach (i.e. flat).

Mr Harrison Roach, Stab’s on the ground reporter, will be taking home a wooden spoon after placing 6th in his round one heat.

When asked to write this piece, I considered just transcribing the steady stream of consciousness pouring forth from the commentator’s mouth, because it would be far more amusing than anything I could possibly write. However, being unsure of Stab’s censorship guidelines and in the hope of avoiding a defamation case, here’s the event wrap up.

With no significant prizemoney, competitors vie for bragging rights, respect, and a hand-shaped Ian Byrne single fin.

The iconic Burleigh Single Fin Festival is an ongoing part of Gold Coast culture, now in its 21st year. Described by Burleigh Heads Boardriders, its “singly the best weekend of the year” and as I’ve already mentioned, advertising doesn’t lie.

With no significant prizemoney, competitors vie for bragging rights, respect, and a hand-shaped Ian Byrne single fin.

Past event winners include Joel Parkinson and Dave Rastovich, so it’s fair to say the bragging rights alone are worth a pretty metaphorical penny.

Burleigh’s rich surf culture and the point’s history was evident from the countless stories shared by old boys on the hill, the tales becoming more colourful as the Vonu consumption rate increased. Memorable swells, surfing greats, and shady characters were all topics of discussion.

No matter how much they watched – Huey would offer no difference in conditions.

Thanks to Huey’s neglect, the more adventurous competitors quickly made rock hopping a part of the point judging criteria, and those who returned to shore with their single fins still attached were proud of their achievements. I myself, having taken the 6th place wooden spoon in my first-round heat, was given a pat on the back for neither putting a ding in my body nor my board.

Left wanting for action, the spectators, much the same as commentators, seemed as amused by the colourful characters walking the footpath as they were by the rate of fin removal on Burleigh’s little boulders.

Now, it must be said that one of the major attractions of the Burleigh Single Fin Festival is the famed luncheon, and for those of you who haven’t had the privilege to attend, here’s quick account. Being unworldly as I am, I thought it would involve polite toasts, earnest lip service to surf history and culture…

The luncheon was Aussie larrikinism at its finest.

“My personal favourite was Occy, who even in the knee-high onshores and on an old single fin managed to surf like Occy.”

Speakers were unconcerned with conservative social customs and had the audience in a fit from beginning to end. F’s went here, C’s went there and approval was evident. A crowd favourite was hearing Joel Parkinson being ripped into by ex-jockey Alan Robbie, who never missed an opportunity to ridicule Joel’s financial success. An auction was held and funds were raised for the Burleigh Boardriders’ youth development program (read: the debauchery was for a good cause.)

The scene at the event was an eclectic and confronting mix of every style under the sun…fitspo chicks with fake tits and tight lips, roid heads, electric skateboarders, lads, dads, families, fighters… 

Felicity Palmateer navigating her way along Burlgeih’s Rocky Point for round one in the Women’s division.

Basically, the whole kit and caboodle entangled among the crowd of surfers hoping to see what Taj Burrow could salvage from the grovel. I managed to awkwardly accost Taj mid-step on the way to pick up his rashie for his round two heat.

“It’s my first time at the Burleigh Fin Festival and I was nervous because I heard the luncheon was hectic and it definitely lived up to its reputation, full of animals,” Taj told Stab. “Such a sick day. Everyone was drinking at a furious rate. The surf is really small but Burleigh is such a good perch, you can just sit on the hill and enjoy the weekend regardless of the swell.”

Taj salvaging just enough from Burleigh’s lack-lustre conditions, to take the win.

Among the field of competitors were boys and girls, awkward teens, men, women and weather-beaten bastards. My personal favourite was Occy, who even in the knee-high onshores and on an old single fin managed to surf like Occy.

Speaking of the pre-1985 single fins, of which there were hundreds, they were a sight to behold. Any retrospectively inclined shaper need only bring a piece of plywood and a pencil to steal templates off every prolific Australian shaper from the period. Upon seeing so many classic single fins congregating in one place I admittedly drooled.

“Any retrospectively inclined shaper need only bring a piece of plywood and a pencil to steal templates off every prolific Australian shaper from the period.”

The Burleigh Single Fin Festival exemplifies a large, unique portion of Australian surf culture and the Burleigh Boardriders Club must be commended for its ongoing contribution. The event retains the in and out of water atmosphere that makes surfing and surf competitions more than professionalism and winning. It gives credence to surf history while contributing to its future. I’m a fan, and I’ll definitely be back next year.

Oh and yeah, of course, Taj Burrow won the event, salvaging from the grovel a new Ian Byrne channel bottom single fin and even more respect and bragging rights than he already holds. To sum up the event, I’ll leave you with a quote from Taj’s winning speech, “I can’t imagine how good this event is if there’s actually waves.” So, c’mon nature or Huey or whatever, be cool next year.

“It’s my first time at the Burleigh Fin Festival and I was nervous because I heard the luncheon was hectic and it definitely lived up to its reputation, full of animals,” – Taj Burrow

Results

Men’s Open

1st Taj Burrow
2nd Mitch Crews
3rd Jack Lewis
4th Tim McDonald
5th Brent Dorrington
6th Adam Klink

Women’s Open

1st Felicity Palmateer
2nd Isabella Nichols
3rd Pacha Light
4th Pipi Bunker
5th Liliana Bowry
6th Lucy Callister

Juniors

1st Maddy Job
2nd Will Carter
3rd Kai Dobbin
4th Dakota Walters
5th Byron Massie
6th Josh Cameron-McDonald