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We promise this won't (really) hurt.

Wanna win a new surfboard? We have a custom Chilli ‘Black Vulture’ to gift (plus all the trim you’d expect from a premium dealer). To be in the running, just answer a few questions for us. It won’t take long.

So, What Do We Do Now?

Ed note: the following is the third installment of our new weekly email chain called the Stab Fwd. If you're into it, subscribe here. 

There’s an elephant in this room. It’s big and it’s ugly and it’s stomping around like a maniac — but it also happens to be invisible. The elephant canceled competitive surfing for the foreseeable future and has made it temporarily illegal for many people, myself included, to even go in the ocean. I wrote a note about that here, concluding that the best thing we can do right now is to be positive. 

Cliche? Yep. And vague. Be positive...What does that mean? We supposed to go around smiling all the time like a Gudauskas brother? Comment “So inspiring [clap emoji]” on a WSL production about Syria’s first female SUPper? Spout unchecked theories about the general functioning of the universe? 

Maybe. You do you. But, in the surf community, I think it means coming together and taking some time to direct our thoughts away from hysteria and towards things that make us feel good. 

So, let’s do that in the way that we all know and love: By making fun of surfing. 

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Is That Rip Curl John John’s Wearing? 

If you’ve been reading the Fwd for the past few weeks, you’ll know that this is where I share Stab’s the most-read pieces of the week. Not surprisingly, this was one of them. This is surfing’s hottest free agency story since the infamous Piping Hot x Carve bidding war for Wade Carmichael. My take? He’s just trying to get in Medina’s head — although it would have been way funnier if he did so by wearing his signature boardshorts. 

12 Australians Are Stranded On An Indonesia Surf Charter As Sumba Closes Its Ports 

To be honest, this was our #1 most-read story this week. But remember what I said about avoiding hysteria? I meant it. So go ahead, click that link. It’s going to take you to a clip of Andy Irons and Mark Occhilupo destroying golf clubs at Turtle Bay instead of the actual story. It’s my favorite video on the internet. 

If we can’t argue over WSL scores, what can we argue about? 

Easy. Who’s going to win this year’s World Title and its accompanying asterisk. Mikey C has Kolohe Andino pegged for it. Our comment section has answers ranging from Kelly Slater to Jadson Andre. Get in the mix and start yelling. 

Which clip deserves our undivided attention? 

Wave pools are weird in every way, shape and form. And it turns out they come in many different ways, shapes and forms. Dylan Graves made it a quest to explore a few of the world’s best pools. The film is both informative and entertaining — but I’m mostly sharing it because the Palm Springs section features the most reckless man-made waves I’ve ever seen. That alone is worth celebrating. 

But for real, what are we going to do if we can’t surf? 

This is usually the section where I share travel info. Seeing as that’s off the table, how do we satisfy the itch? Social media scrolls are filled with lists of mediation and heartwarming activities but, let’s be honest, not everybody can roll like that. 

Today, I used my pent-up quarantine energy to give myself an appalling haircut, do a spastic work out that had no thought behind it whatsoever and take a cold shower. The cold shower gave me some sense of relief. Recommended. 

If you’re currently in isolation, please hit the email with the strangest things you’ve been doing to get through this. [email protected]

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Should we read some poems? 

I’ve said it before and I’ll likely say it again: I love writing these because I feel like it brings a bunch of people with weirdo brains together in a way. That sounds ethereal, I know, so allow me to present this. 

Last week, I shared an acrostic poem about 2007 CT surfer David Weare. A few days ago, David Weare himself hit me up with a poem about fellow 2007 CT surfer Royden Bryson. 

It will never cease to boggle my mind when a random newsletter can coerce people who I watched on derelict 240p webcasts nearly 20 years ago into waxing poetic about one another. 

On that note, I’m officially calling Royden out to write us a poem about Greg Emslie. You have one week.

And one last thing: 

It’s going to be so fun to surf again.

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