Rasta Robb Gutter Stomps Backside Full-Rote, Scores a 3/50

“That was the most intense moment of my life, so I kinda just winged it.”

Tune into the live-stream of Stab High Japan, presented by Monster Energy here, available exclusively to Stab Premium members.

“Rasta” Robb McCormick has ice in his veins. The reigning Stab High champion, who once claimed that his life’s doctrine was to only ever surf under the influence of marijuana, lazily and languidly opened proceedings at Stab High Japan with a very large, very inverted frontside air reverse, a mile out of the PerfectSwell Shizunami tub.

The judges, not wanting to blow the scale on the first wave of the day – wait, is this a CT?!? – awarded him a 35/50.  Praise flew from the booth, from the competitors, from the folks watching at home. All seemed well in Japan.

But then, not. On his third wave, a left, Rasta exploded into a backside full-rote, landing heavily in the flats. Somewhere across the ocean, John-John’s ligaments shrieked from trauma. 

For a moment, the Rasta appeared to have greased the landing, but he had no momentum to propel him forward with the wave. He sunk but his spirits did not; he rode out. Right?  

“Well, he didn’t fall,” offered Stace Galbraith on the mic. But in the name of progression-at-all-costs, the judging booth refused him the completion. Somewhere across the ocean, Italo Ferreira’s frontal lobes shrieked from PTSD. 

“We’re just trying to set the precedent in a way that’s best for the progression of the sport,” explained leading chancellor Nathan Fletcher. Four out of five judges ruled it a No Make, a zero, while Dion Agius threw out a limp three-outta-ten.

“If I did that and they gave me a zero I’d be wanting scalps,” said notorious bow hunter and surfing’s second most famous scalp, Shane Dorian. 

As the judges attempted to reason with a rampaging Rasta Robb, Albee Layer threw down a backside varial in a moment of timely chutzpah. Albee momentarily rode out backwards before he was taken into custody by the pool.  

“I was fully riding out, but I was backwards, so by the time I spun out the wave was dead.” 

Four-out-of-five judges gave him the completion, excluding Lee Wilson, who seems to have the sharpest claws of the bunch. 25 outta 50 for Albee. 

While a 3/50 seems torturous for Rasta’s near-make, it has made it glaringly clear what the judges are looking for. You’ve gotta ride out clean or you’re getting the noose. 

If you’re asking yourself why one might feel inclined to watch a conglomerate of grown men surf in freshwater (and tomorrow some not-so-grown men and women), then you obviously haven’t read our thrilling synopsis of Stab High Japan. Educate yourself here, then pull up a chair, pour yourself a drink and join the pool party.