The Pipe CT Is On, Time To Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Hailing from the old US of A, I’ve never been able to own and operate a proper surf betting account.

My only real experience in the dark art of punting was my first “business trip” for in 2017, when my new boss Tom Bird (who knows his way around a parlay) asked me to pick a five-person multi in round one of the Teahupo’o event.

The waves were pretty awful by Tahiti’s standards — 3-foot and cross-shore — but my picks were on a roll. One win, two wins, three wins, four. I couldn’t believe we were just one away from a crazy percentage gain, but Birdy couldn’t believe I’d picked the Brazilian rookie, Ian Gouveia, as the crucial fifth man.

“Who is this guy anyway? Can he even tube-ride?”

Yeah he can.

Ian went onto win the heat over local stud, Michel Bourez, and the Portuguese pallbearer, Frederico Morais, in devastating fashion, 15.00 to 10.67 to 9.56.

And like that, Birdy turned $10 into 300-something.

“What’s my cut?” I asked after the big win.

“Ha. Shoulda negotiated that up front,” Birdy replied. “You won’t make that mistake again.”

I never gave Birdy more picks after that. Not out of spite — I thought him stiffing me was kind of funny — but because I was scared to forfeit my winning streak. Surely you can’t pick 5-person multis every time.

Now five years on, I’ve decided to dip my toes back in the betting waters. Thanks to the folks at BetOnline.ag, proper surf punting is now available to those in the US and beyond, and I’ve got the itch to put some skin in the game.

This decision was made even easier by the fact that Birdy offered to bankroll me for $500. Whether this is retribution for his 2017 indiscretion or just a kind gesture from a man whose heart has grown, I’m more than happy to spend Stab’s dime on some ludicrous lines of betting (the winnings of which I’ll be keeping), all under the guise of editorial content.

I’ll be keeping track of my wins and losses over the year and making them visible to all of Stab’s readers. I’ll also be giving picks before each event, and sometimes before each round (BetOnline.ag is set up so you can bet heat by heat, in real time). At the end of the year, we’ll see if my $500 has gone to 0 or $10,000 — but more likely somewhere in between.

Below, I’m going to list my picks for the first round of the Men’s Pipe CT, along with potential event winners. If you don’t know how betting works, read this first.

And most importantly, don’t make the same mistake I did.

When you’re setting up a new account on BetOnline.ag, they have some crazy promo deals for first-time players. For instance, I deposited $500 of BTC into my account (as opposed to using a credit card), but totally missed the memo that they will match your first crypto deposit to their site, if you just click their promo link.

That means my $500 would/could/should have been worth $1,000 — an early 100% gain, gone with the wind!

Now, my Pipeline picks.

Overall winner
– I’m putting $50 on John Florence at +250. If he wins, I’ll win 2.5x my investment, or $125.
– I’m putting $15 on Leonard Fioravanti at +6600. If he wins, I’ll rake in $990.
– I’m putting $10 on Carlos Muñoz at +8,000. If he wins, I’ll make $800.
– I’m putting $5 on Joao Chianca at +15,000. If he wins, I’ll take home $750.
– I’m putting $45 on Jack Robinson at +800. If he wins, I’ll make $360

Total spend on the overall winner: $125.

That means if any one of my surfers wins, I’ll either break even (John) or take home some sort of profit (any of the others).

Men’s Round 1
– I’m putting $25 on Zeke Lau (+225) to win over Jordy Smith and Owen Wright. If he wins, I’ll make $56.25.
– I’m putting $25 on Leonardo Fioravanti (+125) to win over Deivid Silva and Nat Young. If he wins, I’ll make $37.50.
– I’m putting $25 on Caio Ibelli (+225) to win over Connor O’Leary and Morgan Cibilic. If he wins, I’ll make $56.25.
– I’m putting $25 on Miguel Tudela (+650) to win over Italo Ferreira and Callum Robson. If he wins, I’ll make $162.50.

Total spend on Round 1: $100.

Unfortunately, parlays (or multi-bets) don’t seem to be an option for surfing on BetOnline.ag at this time. So you can only pick individual heat winners.

I also put $10 on an “entertainment” bet, which is whether a quarter that’s flipped in space will land on heads or tails when it hits earth.

I bet on heads, but we won’t know how that one pans out until February 13th. In other words, this bet decides how nice a bottle of wine my wife gets for Valentines Day.

Total day one Pipe spend: $235.

Let’s hope for some returns!