Help, The Hipsters Are Drowning

There are two certainties in life. The first is death. We’re all going to die. This is the only universal truth shared by every human, past, present, and future. Every creature, every living thing, except for the immortal jellyfish, and perhaps Bryan Johnson, should his blood pact with the youth manage to thwart the inevitable.

The second certainty is that Stab Magazine will inevitably arrive late in crowning the comment of the month. We are, by law, bound to this tardiness. 

However, upon looking back at November 2025, it appears there were no groundbreaking performances beneath the line. No comments destined for the archives. But to the many who tried, a round of applause, just not a standing ovation. December, however, saw an uptick in quality, so we’ve decided to award two winners for the final month of the year. And, as is often the case, we owe our entertainment to none other than Joel Tudor.

First up, Com Turren, who interpreted and explained a Joel Tudor quote about quantum drowning in precisely the way Joel intended.

Next, Undergunned, one-time Stab scribe who once lobbed a warning shot at Ryan Crosby. Did Undergunned forge Crosby’s greatness? With pearls of wisdom like the one below, it’s certainly plausible.

Gents, send an email to [email protected] with proof of your Disqus account. You’ve won a year of free Stab Premium and are now in the running for the end-of-year title which will be announced very soon but probably not that soon (see beginning of article).