Florida Man Busted In Jetboard Scam

No two words in journalism illicit more excitement than a headline that starts with “Florida man.” Whatever comes next, you know it is going to be batshit crazy. A few favorites from 2019:

Florida Man Accused of Intentionally Pressure Washing Neighbor

Florida Man Rescues Grandma Floating Away on Ice Throne

Florida Man Learns Hard Way He Stole Laxatives, Not Opioids

Florida Man Who Allegedly Threatened Family with Coldplay Lyrics Ends Standoff After SWAT Promises Him Pizza

And the winner…

Florida Man Claiming People Were “Eating His Brains” Leads Police on Insane Golf Course Chase

Clearly, weird shit happens in Florida. Duh. And this week, a classic surf scam makes its way onto the list of Florida man’s greatest hits. The United States Securities and Exchange Commission has filed charges against a Florida man for hustling investors out of $350,000 who thought they were getting into the booming, highly lucrative “jetboard” business.

The SEC complaint alleges that “Roberto J. Clark, Jr. of Palm Bay, Florida and his company KRM Services, LLC raised hundreds of thousands of dollars from retail investors by falsely telling them the money would be used to develop and market motorized surfboards.

“Clark showed investors a forged contract for surfboard orders from a major cruise line, made misrepresentations about purported orders from water sports vendors in Florida, and marketed the investment in his company using baseless revenue projections,” continue the allegations.

Oh, but that’s not all. Old Roberto was living high on the hog thanks to all the dough from his would-be mechanized shred sticks. Allegedly, homeboy was blowing the cash on fancy suits, spiffy cars, front row tickets to sporting events, and of course, strip clubs…because every good Florida con involves a strip club in some way, shape or form.

As a result of the SEC’s actions, poor Roberto’s in a heap of trouble. Besides the financial penalties, he’s also facing criminal charges.

Moral of the story, never trust a dude in Florida trying to sell you a jetboard…but we didn’t have to tell you that.