The Surf Gods Want More for You - Stab Mag
1018 Views
Surfing's holy trinity: surfer, sun and a towel with the most. All Photos: Didit Prasetyo Adiwibowo

The Surf Gods Want More for You

Slowtide & Deus ex Machina offer salvation from the sin that is your post-surf routine.

elsewhere // Jul 12, 2022
Words by Cori Stephens
Reading Time: 3 minutes

The ancient Greek phrase Deus ex Machina, loosely translated, means “god from the machine”.

Esoteric though the lexical trio may sound, it’s a highly common theatrical mechanism adopted from the Athenians, that serves as a function to resolve otherwise unsolvable plot problems. Despite its archaic roots, notable examples of the tool can be seen in some of our favorite stories of recent times. 

In The Wizard of Oz, an incalculably odd series of events leave Dorothy without a way home, and as she finds herself at the end of the once-promising yellow brick road, she simply wakes up – leaving behind all of her otherworldly (and otherwise unsolvable) troubles.

Mugatu, Munchkins, and the narrative device of divine slumber.

Also, since when can R2D2 fly? Apparently, since the 2002 American Space opera (that’s what the internet calls it) Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Never before had the astromech had the gift of flight, and yet, in a dire moment, this is exactly the solution to save young queen Amidala before she meets a molten demise. 

There you are, Peter!

Bill and Ted, Superman, Harry Potter, and scores of other famous characters are also narrowly liberated from the grip of evil using this time-tested device. And, although I never imagined I would say this, Derek Zoolander was wrong. Wetness is not always the essence of beauty. Sometimes, it’s more like the essence of damp discomfort; Or, worse – in the case of borrowed bath towels (quickest way to feel embarrassed in a parking lot), or the back-of-the-truck blankets we’ve never washed – more like the essence of cumbersome, dank bacteria that you’re about to rub all over your body… and face.

POV: Getting into the car of someone whose towel hygiene is less-than-holy.

I mean, I guess that’s fine if you want to be really really really ridiculously bad-smelling.

Although the above examples of divine intervention are fictional (sorry, nerds), the real-life drama of bulky beach towels and their tendency to be more of a hindrance than a help, is upsettingly real. Thank Olympos that divinity intervenes in our plight, offering supernal solutions to our salty, soggy dilemmas.

Jared Mell and his shoulder angel, living a pure life in the Land of the Gods.

They want a better life for us than one involving crusty eyebrows and a bod that smells like a 24 Hour Fitness. As in our culture’s best and most suspenseful films, the hero enters in the nick of time to rescue the doomed protagonist from imminent ruin. And, fortunately for us, we have not one, but two, saviors.

Sins out, fins out. A compact quick-dry towel that leaves no room for the evil of dampness, and plenty of room in your day bag.

The original leader of the premium towel movement, Slowtide has (finally) partnered with the Australian lifestyle and gurus at – you guessed it – Deus ex Machina. Existing on the common, if not hallowed, grounds of enthusiasm for all things fun and fashionable, these paragons of surf-adjacent necessities are presently offering a limited collaborative capsule for the benefit of mankind. 

Not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes, the hero is the cape.

The 100% recycled three-towel collection includes a premium woven towel, a Turkish towel, and a packable quick-dry towel, covering all of your water removal needs and keeping your eco-conscience comfortably dry as well. Have a look and get saved from the malodorous mess that is your post-surf changing system.

Your life after Slowtide x Deus.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

2:17

Mick Fanning Samples California’s Finest Local Produce

Mayhem at Lowers.

Aug 16, 2022

7:11

What Happens When You Borrow A Pro’s Board?

Joyride: The Shrizz from PANDA surfboards.

Aug 16, 2022

Mountains Died So You Could Surf

The value of sand.

Aug 15, 2022

9:12

UPDATE: People Are Still Surfing ‘La Jetee’ in Reunion Island

Returning to the best & sharkiest air wave in the world, as seen in Mod…

Aug 14, 2022

These Are Your Favorite (Female) Surfers

What the Stab reader survey teaches us about taste.

Aug 14, 2022

2:14

Kelly and Local Gal to Win Teahupo’o?

Local insights and a firing forecast.

Aug 13, 2022

These Are Your Favorite (Male) Surfers

Insights from the 2022 Stab Reader survey.

Aug 13, 2022

16:04

Fear And Loathing in Mainland Mex

Parker Coffin, Harry Roach, and the Roark crew embark on an authentic Oaxacan (surf) trip.

Aug 13, 2022

Tahiti Preview: The End Of The Road For 72% Of The CT

And hello there, blob of swell.

Aug 12, 2022

3:24

While Everyone Flocked To Tahiti, Kelly Stayed in Jbay

...And proceeded to rip the hell out of it on a "borrowed" 5-finned Tomo.

Aug 11, 2022

1:38

Can A GQ Cover Boy Take Out Teahupo’o?

Kauli Vaast is your incredibly handsome Tahiti trials winner.

Aug 11, 2022

Watch: Ramble On With Caity Simmers 

An action-rich tour behind the scenes of her triumphant first voyage to Oz.

Aug 11, 2022

PSA: Surf Filmers Not Welcome In Nicaragua

Cameras and drones are being seized on arrival, Stab spoke with two recent visitors.

Aug 11, 2022

Inside The Alternative Surfboard Marketing Machine 

Two of the biz's best — Matt Parker and Blake Peters — spill many beans.

Aug 10, 2022

The Tragic Parallels Between The Murder Of Ricardo Dos Santos & 8x World Jiu Jitsu Champion Leandro Lo

Two Brazilian sporting icons killed brazenly by off-duty police officers.

Aug 9, 2022

The Pick-Up, Vans US Open: In The Belly Of The Beast

Finger flips, shaping with Zion Wright, slurpees, Hawaiian takeovers, and the king of Surfline rewinds.

Aug 8, 2022

Albee Layer Discusses His Not-So-Budding Acting Career And The Upcoming Film “Sweet Adventure”

"Matt and Nora were tripping a little harder than I was just because they weren't…

Aug 8, 2022

Zeke Lau & Bettylou Sakura Johnson Win The Vans US Open Of Surfing 

Hawaii dominates HB.

Aug 8, 2022
Advertisement