The Surf Gods Want More for You - Stab Mag

Stab High Japan Presented By Monster Energy Will Be Broadcast Live On June 21st and June 22nd from 5 PM - 10 PM PDT

28 Views
Surfing's holy trinity: surfer, sun and a towel with the most. All Photos: Didit Prasetyo Adiwibowo

The Surf Gods Want More for You

Slowtide & Deus ex Machina offer salvation from the sin that is your post-surf routine.

elsewhere // Jul 12, 2022
Words by Corina Stephens
Reading Time: 3 minutes

The ancient Greek phrase Deus ex Machina, loosely translated, means “god from the machine”.

Esoteric though the lexical trio may sound, it’s a highly common theatrical mechanism adopted from the Athenians, that serves as a function to resolve otherwise unsolvable plot problems. Despite its archaic roots, notable examples of the tool can be seen in some of our favorite stories of recent times. 

In The Wizard of Oz, an incalculably odd series of events leave Dorothy without a way home, and as she finds herself at the end of the once-promising yellow brick road, she simply wakes up – leaving behind all of her otherworldly (and otherwise unsolvable) troubles.

Mugatu, Munchkins, and the narrative device of divine slumber.

Also, since when can R2D2 fly? Apparently, since the 2002 American Space opera (that’s what the internet calls it) Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Never before had the astromech had the gift of flight, and yet, in a dire moment, this is exactly the solution to save young queen Amidala before she meets a molten demise. 

There you are, Peter!

Bill and Ted, Superman, Harry Potter, and scores of other famous characters are also narrowly liberated from the grip of evil using this time-tested device. And, although I never imagined I would say this, Derek Zoolander was wrong. Wetness is not always the essence of beauty. Sometimes, it’s more like the essence of damp discomfort; Or, worse – in the case of borrowed bath towels (quickest way to feel embarrassed in a parking lot), or the back-of-the-truck blankets we’ve never washed – more like the essence of cumbersome, dank bacteria that you’re about to rub all over your body… and face.

POV: Getting into the car of someone whose towel hygiene is less-than-holy.

I mean, I guess that’s fine if you want to be really really really ridiculously bad-smelling.

Although the above examples of divine intervention are fictional (sorry, nerds), the real-life drama of bulky beach towels and their tendency to be more of a hindrance than a help, is upsettingly real. Thank Olympos that divinity intervenes in our plight, offering supernal solutions to our salty, soggy dilemmas.

Jared Mell and his shoulder angel, living a pure life in the Land of the Gods.

They want a better life for us than one involving crusty eyebrows and a bod that smells like a 24 Hour Fitness. As in our culture’s best and most suspenseful films, the hero enters in the nick of time to rescue the doomed protagonist from imminent ruin. And, fortunately for us, we have not one, but two, saviors.

Sins out, fins out. A compact quick-dry towel that leaves no room for the evil of dampness, and plenty of room in your day bag.

The original leader of the premium towel movement, Slowtide has (finally) partnered with the Australian lifestyle and gurus at – you guessed it – Deus ex Machina. Existing on the common, if not hallowed, grounds of enthusiasm for all things fun and fashionable, these paragons of surf-adjacent necessities are presently offering a limited collaborative capsule for the benefit of mankind. 

Not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes, the hero is the cape.

The 100% recycled three-towel collection includes a premium woven towel, a Turkish towel, and a packable quick-dry towel, covering all of your water removal needs and keeping your eco-conscience comfortably dry as well. Have a look and get saved from the malodorous mess that is your post-surf changing system.

Your life after Slowtide x Deus.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

JJF + Medina To Continue Rampages In Brazil?

12x CT event winner and previous SITD pilot Taj Burrow says 'yes'.

Jun 19, 2024

Allow Us To Introduce The YETI Ladybirds And Bottle Rockets Of Stab High Japan Presented By Monster Energy

Here's our schoolyard pick for teams; who will win the most cred at the lunch…

Jun 17, 2024

Prediction: Moving The WSL Finals To Fiji Will Kill Off Two More Surfing Superstars

Is this JJF's time to collect his titles? We checked the stats.

Jun 17, 2024

Confirmed: Fiji To Host 2025 WSL Finals

Cloudbreak will remain on tour until 2026.

Jun 17, 2024

What’s The Secret To Powersurfing?

Taylor Knox, Kyuss King, and Jessi Miley-Dyer tackle a trio of questions in our third…

Jun 16, 2024

How To Win Stab High Japan, Presented By Monster Energy

A statistical analysis of the 493 airs attempted in previous chlorinated editions.

Jun 16, 2024

Watch: An Intimate Portrait Of The Wave, Village, And People At The End Of The Road

Oxbow’s ‘Children of Teahupo’o’ is playing exclusively on Stab Premium for the next two weeks. 

Jun 15, 2024

Fuck It, Run The Entire CT In Indo

A historic beginning to the Indonesian dry season.

Jun 14, 2024

Ferrari Boyz: Holly Wawn

"I've had 4, 5, maybe 6 cars... I'm a car dealer I reckon."

Jun 13, 2024

A Miscalculated Shallow Dive, Neck-First, Into The Waters Of Japanese Surfing

How is surfing different in the land of cherry blossoms?

Jun 13, 2024

How Has Ian Crane Made 4/5 Stab High Finals?

And who he's most afraid of competing against in Japan.

Jun 13, 2024

“I Haven’t Seen Anyone That Young And That Keen For Heavy Waves In A Decade” —Shane Dorian

Jacob Turner is 16 years old and trying to paddle tow sets at Teahupo'o...on his…

Jun 12, 2024

Long Read: 1,000 Ways To Die In Indonesia

18,000 islands of beautiful people, world-class waves, and danger around every corner.

Jun 11, 2024

Watch: Craig Anderson And Kaito Ohashi Find (Mostly) Empty Waves In Southeast Asia

Oh, and enter to win a grand worth of DB gear.

Jun 11, 2024

Brad Gerlach Rode A 600cc Motorbike Through Europe’s 1980’s Psychedelic Renaissance  

"Fuck London. Let’s just buy motorcycles tomorrow and drive to France, man."

Jun 11, 2024

Caroline Marks Goes Two-In-A-Row And John John Florence Wins First CT Event Since 2020 At The Surf City El Salvador Pro

Plus, we asked Chris Cote for a look into the commentary team's psyche and Griff…

Jun 9, 2024

Why Is Mavericks Core Getting Overrun By Yuppies?

And other questions from our audience — answered by Pete Mel, Mick Fanning, and Joel…

Jun 9, 2024

Everything Worth Remembering From 4 (Mostly) Forgettable Quarterfinals In El Salvador

Plus, what's the consensus on the Griff vs. João kerfluffle?

Jun 8, 2024
Advertisement