Shoulder-Hopper Falls On Barreled-Man’s Head, Breaks His Board In Half, Then Forks Over Pyzel Ghost And $350 As Penance  - Stab Mag
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Tex Mitchell denied exit (Photo Santo Wau)

Shoulder-Hopper Falls On Barreled-Man’s Head, Breaks His Board In Half, Then Forks Over Pyzel Ghost And $350 As Penance 

A unicorn incident at Uluwatu.

elsewhere // Jun 27, 2022
Words by Coral McDuffee
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The trip was not Tex’s first soiree on Bali’s coastline; Chris Ward introduced him to Uluwatu at sixteen, and the spot has become the Oceanside native’s summer residence ever since. 

As with most 20-year-olds, Tex spent his first day on the Island of Gods enthralled by Indo’s wonderful cuisine and nightlife. Then, as with most enthralled Indo culinary tours, the next morning, Tex was hit with a case of Bali Belly and spent 10 consecutive days unloading his guts on the hotel room floor. While in recovery, his wisdom teeth burst through his gums, causing a painful infection. Then he burned his leg on a scooter. Mom sent over antibiotics. The waves continued to suck. 

So, a typical surf trip. 

Two weeks in, Ulus posted 4-6 foot lines — big enough to motivate the gaunt, freshly dosed Tex to surf. He stacked three “cheeky ones” then took off deeper on the fourth. Rail in hand, Tex pointed his nose down the line of an endless cylinder. He was deep, but not impossibly so. 

That is, until he saw the shoulder-hopper. 

As the photos illustrate, Johnny-sits-wide fell from the sky, slamming the exit door in Tex’s face while simultaneously landing on his head. 

Upon emergence, with his new board in half, Tex unleashed two weeks’ worth of profanities on the imperceptive punter, including but not limited to “Get the fuck OUT.”

The culprit apologized, unstrapped his leash, and handed Tex his Pyzel Ghost (an identical model, only two inches longer than the board Tex broke in half). He then swam in and collected the broken pieces of board on the beach, and Tex caught a few more before giving the guy his board back and accepting a peace offering — $350 cash.  

Just don’t look up. Photo: Santos Wau

“The whole incident could have been worse.” Tex continued, “but we’re even-steven now—I feel bad for going in on that guy as hard as I did.” 

For as many collisions and blow-ups as we’ve seen over the years, rarely have we witnessed such appropriate measures taken to rectify the situation. So good on the shoulder-hopper (never thought we’d write that sentence).

The additional coin will fund Tex’s upcoming trip to Desert Point, where he hopes for a drastic turn of events.

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