Shoulder-Hopper Falls On Barreled-Man’s Head, Breaks His Board In Half, Then Forks Over Pyzel Ghost And $350 As Penance  - Stab Mag

Live Now: "Horse" — A surf film by James Kates starring Noa Deane — streaming exclusively on Stab Premium.

86 Views
Tex Mitchell denied exit (Photo Santo Wau)

Shoulder-Hopper Falls On Barreled-Man’s Head, Breaks His Board In Half, Then Forks Over Pyzel Ghost And $350 As Penance 

A unicorn incident at Uluwatu.

elsewhere // Jun 27, 2022
Words by Coral McDuffee
Reading Time: 2 minutes

The trip was not Tex’s first soiree on Bali’s coastline; Chris Ward introduced him to Uluwatu at sixteen, and the spot has become the Oceanside native’s summer residence ever since. 

As with most 20-year-olds, Tex spent his first day on the Island of Gods enthralled by Indo’s wonderful cuisine and nightlife. Then, as with most enthralled Indo culinary tours, the next morning, Tex was hit with a case of Bali Belly and spent 10 consecutive days unloading his guts on the hotel room floor. While in recovery, his wisdom teeth burst through his gums, causing a painful infection. Then he burned his leg on a scooter. Mom sent over antibiotics. The waves continued to suck. 

So, a typical surf trip. 

Two weeks in, Ulus posted 4-6 foot lines — big enough to motivate the gaunt, freshly dosed Tex to surf. He stacked three “cheeky ones” then took off deeper on the fourth. Rail in hand, Tex pointed his nose down the line of an endless cylinder. He was deep, but not impossibly so. 

That is, until he saw the shoulder-hopper. 

As the photos illustrate, Johnny-sits-wide fell from the sky, slamming the exit door in Tex’s face while simultaneously landing on his head. 

Upon emergence, with his new board in half, Tex unleashed two weeks’ worth of profanities on the imperceptive punter, including but not limited to “Get the fuck OUT.”

The culprit apologized, unstrapped his leash, and handed Tex his Pyzel Ghost (an identical model, only two inches longer than the board Tex broke in half). He then swam in and collected the broken pieces of board on the beach, and Tex caught a few more before giving the guy his board back and accepting a peace offering — $350 cash.  

Just don’t look up. Photo: Santos Wau

“The whole incident could have been worse.” Tex continued, “but we’re even-steven now—I feel bad for going in on that guy as hard as I did.” 

For as many collisions and blow-ups as we’ve seen over the years, rarely have we witnessed such appropriate measures taken to rectify the situation. So good on the shoulder-hopper (never thought we’d write that sentence).

The additional coin will fund Tex’s upcoming trip to Desert Point, where he hopes for a drastic turn of events.

Comments

Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up

Advertisement

Most Recent

Blood In The Bracket: Wildcards Wreak Havoc, Ethan Ewing Performs “Best Ever Surfing At Bells Bowl”

Xav Huxtable eliminates Italo Ferreira + Morgan Cibilic marches into the Quarterfinals.

Apr 25, 2025

Rip Curl Pro Bells Day 3: Caity Simmers Stumbles, Gabby Bryan Snatches Yellow Jersey

Huge day of upsets as competition shifts to Winki.

Apr 24, 2025

Sydney: Low Key Big Wave City

Tim Bonython, Chase Hardaker and Letty Mortensen on the spectacular intersection of April swells +…

Apr 23, 2025

Surfing Your Brains Out Is Now A Legit Path to Higher Education

If only this existed when we were in high school.

Apr 22, 2025

Gruelling Day At Bells: Six Eliminated, Ramzi Boukhiam’s Season In Jeopardy After Injury

Vahine Fierro, Ian Gouveia, Dvd Silva and more axed after 10-hours of competition.

Apr 22, 2025

How Lowers Became the 2028 Olympic Surfing Venue

The cobblestones beat Huntington’s flash, dodged the chlorine trap, and buried a couple Olympic gold…

Apr 22, 2025

Empty Set: What Defines A ‘Pro’ Surfer?

Nathan Fletcher, Jacob Szekely, and Alex Midler grapple with the blurry line of professional surfing.

Apr 21, 2025

PC, Woke, Or Genuine Connection And Respect?

The intersection of surfing and Indigenous cultures.

Apr 19, 2025

New PerfectSwell Wavepool Announced Outside of Zion National Park, Utah

The tech that fuels Boa Vista Village and São Paulo Surf Club is coming to…

Apr 18, 2025

Gabriela Bryan and Tyler Wright Shape the Narrative on Opening Day at the Rip Curl Pro Bells

Dispatches from an offensively pleasant morning at Bells Beach.

Apr 18, 2025

Why Surf Apparel + Wetsuits Are Bracing for “A Massive Closeout Set” 

Vissla and Sisstr CEO, Paul Naudé + Boardriders’ Wetsuit Czar, Scott Boot talk tariffs. 

Apr 17, 2025

‘Wildcard To Win Bells,’ Says Local CT Veteran 

Tricky Chook, Superman specialist and former Trials winner, pegs Xavier Huxtable for the W.

Apr 17, 2025

For Whom Shall The Bell Toll?

With the cut just one month away, so the Aussie Treble begins.

Apr 16, 2025

Competitive Surfing: A Playground For Billionaires

The WSL and an alt-tour upstart are backed by nine figure net worths. Is there…

Apr 15, 2025

“I Want to See An Ankle-Breaking, Knee-Breaking, Career-Ending Air”

And the first invite to Stab High 2025 goes to...

Apr 15, 2025

Lower Trestles Announced As 2028 Olympic Surfing Venue

“We are honored to share this gem of California’s state park system with the world.”

Apr 15, 2025

Tweed Is Not That Suss, and Other Dispatches from the God Realm

An American’s back-to-the-ocean POV on the Australian Boardriders Battle.

Apr 15, 2025

How Did A Surf-Starved State Produce 22 World Titles?

Red Bull No Contest rockets over Florida.

Apr 15, 2025
Advertisement