Kelly Slater’s Miracle Business Is Thriving

Bonus miracle: SITD X drops next week! 

Kelly Slater is in the business of miracles. 

Since August 2021, the GOAT has sat on the board of directors (alongside Martin Luther King Jr. III) at Rythmia Life Advancement Center, a luxury ayahuasca retreat in Guanacaste, Costa Rica, where spiritual tourists are assisted in wrestling with demons and/or the constant, annoying, needling nuisance of their own inner voice.

Rythmia, which just turned 10, marked a decade in business with a press campaign, publishing its near-perfect “miracle rate” front and centre. After surveying 22,337 guests via structured feedback and follow-up surveys over ten years, Rhythmia reports that 98.07% of visitors self-described experiencing a significant, life-changing breakthrough, often described in their own words as a “miracle.”

If you thought miracles were rare, it turns out they’re just under $5,000 USD, plus flights.

A seven-day, all-inclusive stay starts at $4,900. But let’s be clear: you’re not buying accommodation, plant medicine, or jungle vibes. You’re buying certainty. Would you rather wait around for divine intervention, statistically unreliable and slow, or outsource enlightenment to Kelly Slater, who has historically delivered under pressure?

The CPM (Cost Per Miracle) is steep, sure. But compared to therapy, crypto, or becoming a podcast host, it’s arguably quite efficient.

While Stab cannot promise spiritual rebirth, ego death, or communion with the universe, we can confirm that we’re dropping SITD X next week with the miracle-maker himself. It features some genuinely miraculous surfing and was completed through sheer force of will, a photoshoot in Currumbin with all previous SITD-winning shapers (to show Kel it was a serious proposition), and with frequent reference to the great stoics (who were awesome at getting their heads kicked in for a much larger, long-term payoff). 

Rejoice.