Kelly Slater Casts Wingardium Leviosa Spell To Save Draco Malfoy From Sudden Slumber At Ryder Cup - Stab Mag
Slater magic woke the dementor from an unexpected collapse. Imagery sourced from Daily Mail.

Kelly Slater Casts Wingardium Leviosa Spell To Save Draco Malfoy From Sudden Slumber At Ryder Cup

GOAT magic saves the day.

Words by Ethan Davis

The Ryder Cup is a golfing tournament comprising teams from the US and Europe that ran last Thursday in Haven, Wisconsin. 

Among the star-spangled lineup of celebrities was Kelly Slater, Tom Felton (Draco Malfoy), NHL star Teemu Selänne, 1980 US Olympic hockey team captain Mike Eurzione, and retired speed skater Dan Jansen.

As Kelly went to tee off on the 18th hole, Malfoy, upon witnessing the GOAT’s divine parabolic swing, collapsed. 

Taking to Instagram to relieve his concerned followers, Tom said: ‘I am on the mend officially, in case you were worried.’ 

A source revealed to The Sun: ‘Everyone was stunned and taken aback but what cameras didn’t see is that Kelly jumped straight into action.

‘{Kelly} ran over to Tom and immediately put him in the recovery position well before medics were on the scene. He then stayed with him, keeping him calm and safe as possible. Kelly is really humble and hasn’t posted about his selfless actions but Tom is grateful for his quick thinking.’

Following some TLC and Wiggenweld potion, Malfoy is back on his feet and ready to continue soul-sucking muggles and wizards, he assured his followers on Monday. 

‘I am on the mend officially, in case you were worried,’ said Tom.

Just in case.


Comments are a Stab Premium feature. Gotta join to talk shop.

Already a member? Sign In

Want to join? Sign Up


Most Recent

Joyride Board Test: The Haydenshapes Hypto Krypto Twin

Critically examining one of the hottest new boards on the market.

Oct 20, 2021

How An American’s Entrepreneurial Spirit Built One The Greatest Surf Accessory Labels Out Of A Workshop In Yallingup, Western Australia

Mick, Steph, & Jake Paterson tell the story of Creatures founder, John Malloy.

Oct 20, 2021

Why We’ll Always Catch One Down The Beach

The Misc: To the left of the stand.

Oct 20, 2021

The Highest & Flyest Performance-Based Challenges From Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Rinse off the hangover and shoot for the sky.

Oct 19, 2021


Lower Trestles From Unusual Angles Ft. Kolohe, Griffin, And Co.

So much for Stagnant Ambition.

Oct 19, 2021

Are Surfboards Made To Fail?

Industry insiders open up about whether or not boards are intentionally fragile, thus driving repeat…

Oct 18, 2021


A 14-Year-Old Ladybird Takes On Solid Nias & Desert Point

Bela Nalu will go.

Oct 18, 2021

Premium Peek: Torrey Meister Tempts Fate In ‘Grit n Water’

What's scarier — bull riding or big wave surfing?

Oct 17, 2021


Someone Sponsor This Kid

Eimeo Czermak is an animal who consistently delivers jaw-dropping clips.

Oct 17, 2021


Palatable Portuguese Wedges With Mason Ho

Washed down with a pink cosmo and Franchesinha.

Oct 16, 2021

Did You Know The WSL Has A Pension Fund?

CT surfers post-2014 have a nice chunk of cash waiting for them after they retire.

Oct 16, 2021

Stab Podcast: Is Huntington Beach A More Exciting Contest Venue Than Ericeira?

Surf sins, a rundown of this week’s surf cinema, and an unpopular opinion from the…

Oct 15, 2021

The WSL’s 2022 Season Wildcards Revealed

Pray for Matthew McGillivray.

Oct 15, 2021


Dylan Graves Explores The Topics Of Race And Inclusivity In Surfing

“If you know it’s wrong, say something.”

Oct 15, 2021

Watch: Episode 2 of Stab Highway Presented By Monster Energy

Broken bones, KFC/meat pie collabs, 'feary' river mouth swims, and incredible kneelo tubes.

Oct 15, 2021


Kolohe Andino Is Doubling Down On Surf Films

"I want to give the world my view of how surfing should be perceived."

Oct 14, 2021


Jordy Smith Was Stuck In Hawaii For The Best Late-Season Run In Memory

"It was 6-8 foot for weeks straight. I surfed Pipe with one other guy out."

Oct 14, 2021

What Happened To All The Surf Gangs?

Times have changed, for good or ill.

Oct 14, 2021