Dooma Fahrenfort Ain’t Lying

Everybody’s favourite new commentator, Damien Fahrenfort, has had a somewhat circuitous route to his new position at Quiksilver, including a sponsored pro career, a couple of Zigzag cover shots back home in South Africa, and a reputation for charging in Hawaii. Here on the Gold Coast, his silky smooth voice can be heard amongst the colourful local commentators as he brings in his hard-earned pearls of wisdom over the webcast and in the commentator booth. We caught up with him for five minutes over a beer and a burger. Portrait by Peter Taras Stab: Worst moment of the contest so far? Dane Reynolds losing. Biggest rip off you’ve seen so far? Dane Reynolds losing. Biggest over-score you’ve seen so far? Dane Reynolds losing. Got it. You made a webcast comment about world champions getting a few extra ‘world champion’ points from the judges. We’ve now figured out that you were obviously referring to Dane Reynolds losing, but you do work for Quiksilver. So, does Kelly also get extra ‘world champion’ points? Hundred percent. I feel with Kelly there is a bit more controversy because sometimes it doesn’t go his way, like at Bells everyone said that he would have won that heat, but he didn’t. It seems that sometimes the judges worry about it and compensate by underscoring him. So, in essence, ‘world champion’ points. Does Kelly get them? For sure. Of course. Who’s the best of the new pups? Gabriel Medina has to be. He can’t seem to do anything wrong, and every surf he’s doing something crazy. Actually, on second thoughts, John John would be my pick. He’s the third best surfer in the world behind Kelly and Dane. Then who’s the fourth best surfer in the world? Maybe Joel. Or Mick. No. Actually, Jordy. He’s better than all those guys. He just hasn’t put it together in a year yet. What’s the worst thing about working for the industry? I can’t write Dooma’s Rumours anymore. I mean, I can, but everything I write relates back to where I work, so it’s not really feasible. Do you think there’s a lack of flow within the industry? I do, and I think now with Nike gone, the flow will come back. How does the Quiksilver Pro, Gold Coast rate in your non-biased, non-Quiksilvered opinion? There are so many people here, and so many people from all over the world. It’s crazy. You go to an event in France and apart from the tour contingent it’s just French people and maybe some Spanish. In Hawaii, it’s a bit more mixed up because it’s the end of the year, but here it’s just packed with people from all over the world, bru. It’s amazing how close the people can get to the surfers as well. It gets pretty crazy. If you could have sex with one pro surfer who would it be? A woman or a man? One of each. For argument’s sake, let’s say a woman. Not Alana, I’m not sold on her, even though the rest of the world is. Stephanie Gilmore. She’s the best. She’s an independent woman. She’s got style, she’s cool, she’s confident. She’s above all of them. Not just as a competitor, as a person. She sees the bigger picture. Guy? Everyone’s got a man crush on Dane. Don’t deny it. You’re Jordy’s boy, aren’t you? I’ve already had sex with Jordy. Nah, just kidding. I think Jordy would have sex with Dane if he could. (Laughs) Just kidding again. Seriously, do you enjoy your job? I absolutely love it, but a job’s a job and it comes with responsibility. At the end of the day there’s nothing better than being a pro surfer, and waking up and having nothing to do besides going surfing. You can’t beat that. – Craig Jarvis